For Those of Us Who Are Still Alive…

I repeatedly get responses from a blogpost to my inbox that discourses on the pains of suicide and how that affects people.

Why is this? Why do people care enough to post about that horror when we have so much more in us for the interconnectedness of the greater good? Why are we dwelling on this? Why are we mourning these losses and talking so much about changing them when we don’t prove a tinkers dam to those who exist with us now?

We lost one of the most talented comedians in the last year.

Quotes-Alone-By-Robin-Williams-Image

Then within the last week we lost this wonderful individual:

spock

Anyone notice that word? “Human”?

Human is an essence through the Evolution of our beings. Whether you believe in Creationism or not, Evolution is real. We change. We alter. We affect our universe from the time our ancestors became curious about the way things worked, how they came into existence, and how to change them for the betterment of our lives. (This is easily seen in the last 100-200 years.)

We live in a time of great luxury and chaos. We could be so much better. But we choose to be robots online.

I am sick of that.


I learned about internet access and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like how de-humanized we were becoming. Email was impersonal. Now? It’s more personal than I ever expected it could be. But online interaction, ever since I began The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows, has gotten worse and worse and worse. If I had started my series in 2005 I believe better things would have come. People had keyboards. They didn’t take everything I had to offer from device technology with rotten keyboards. They weren’t noncommunicable to humour, they didn’t download “the world” at the press of a button, they didn’t share memes and files all the live-long day. Some people believed the internet was ONLY created for porn, but others shared our lives together in chat rooms with bad dial-up connections and we were alive anyway…

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We were fighting evil by moonlight…

We enjoyed each others company, we had battles with each other, we won each others hearts, but then ICQ came and instant messaging happened. More and more of the television zombie mentality took over our souls as time went on in ways I never saw because I became alienated from the online world in all my own personal horrors.

And then I found…

Collinsport

Collinsport

A spooky place I’d never seen before as I was going through the deepest Hell of my own life. I was numb, but I pressed on. I saw potential for it, problems they had, many of which I had been through. Other spooky characters of the same time period and those that could shift and make those changes. The massive onslaught and variety of abuse I suffered sat before me and the straw that broke my camel’s back was the destruction of Sam Evans. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I had anhedonia, I had escaped my tormentors, I have been willing to call the police if my Jason McGuire dad ever dare try to enter my life again. I learned how to get a restraining order against family members if the necessity arrives.

But here is a town that is living what I lived through, all within myself. The spooky, the conflict, the destruction and all the while the homes are beautiful, the personalities in each life provide the cohesion toward change for the better. The ghosts walk, the people drink, the waves crash, the world spins. The history is rich, this place could turn around.

Wait… this is a soap-opera. This is not going to bring any lift any time soon or ever…

Unless…

Someone came up with an alteration…

Ooops, that’s not what people are posting. In so many decades no one is changing these things.

Until now…

Sadly… it’s likely too late. We post memes of our dearest desires, our vilest hurts, are fondest beliefs.

But do we live them?

I have my doubts.

I went into this to find kindred spirits, communication, a way to live, and discovered how much talent I truly had and how much farther I could go with a good audience.

I’ve made thousands of people laugh, I’ve let the hair down at Collinwood with scores of bonus characters, I’ve reached out in every way I can, I’ve spent my life savings, I’ve driven my husband mad as well as loved him with new inspiration. I’ve contacted every college radio station I could find, reached iTunes, every fandom, every avenue, the spooky, the Gothic, the science-fiction crowd, spewed my angst back on any haters that came in my way. I knew I deserved better, I knew they deserved better. I managed to get so much only to find my people were breaking down by the time I found them.

I lived long, I fought hard, I prospered, but for human innovation and communication?

I failed. 😦

I never wanted praise. I know I have talent. I am blatantly aware of it. All I had to do was listen to my demos on walks to work to know that to be true. I wanted to fuel it with a talkative audience. I wanted discussion. Then all I found were silent numbers. And… I cracked.

Maybe it is too late. Maybe my talent is not worth the resurgence of true discourse. The online world is all about like-clicks now. We aren’t talking to each other anymore. We are programmed and by that we are being destroyed.

Daleks never scared me, The Master barely irked me, but what did bother me in the world of Doctor Who?

Cybermen_formation_Doomsday

The Cybermen

The Cybermen tend towards covert activity, scheming from hiding and using human pawns or robots to act in their place until they need to appear. They also seek to increase their numbers by converting others into Cybermen (a process known as “cyber-conversion” or “robotisation” in the older episodes and “upgrading” in the newer episodes), an often painful process as body parts are removed and replaced with cybernetic replacements.

As far as I am concerned most of us have become this kind of deranged mentality. We don’t care who controls us as long as we believe we are in control somehow. However, if we aren’t truly communicating we are not in control. And as many Cybermen have complained when being faced with their own personalities again, “I’m so cold.”

And…

So am I.

Maybe it’s just too late.

Maybe this project is simply another time-waster swarmed into the cesspool the internet has become. Maybe I should do more than I did in 2013 by chunking my text and spending a rollercoaster year of sorting through the madness and finding the better people who might be believers.

Maybe I should destroy everything: the text, the audio, the updates, the marriage novel, the facebook account, the tumblr account, the wordpress account, the google account, the youtube videos, the podomatic links, the iTunes connection.

Maybe, just maybe, I should simply give up.

With the lack of communication it seems to be what everyone wants.

Because obviously…

cyberman

You’re just a dead Cyberman… aren’t you?


Prove you’re a dead Cyberman: Give me a like-click. Go ahead.

Things I’m Grateful For…

snake pit we never close

Yes, this is a bored and waiting Dr. “Hawkeye” Pierce wondering when his damn turn is coming up. I channeled him a little too early for a while, and as a result I began smelling each bite of my food. It was a bit disturbing.

Funny portion I found when I made a tired post on facebook, I was looking through what photo to use to show that and then I found this:

Dear dad who the hell is Julia Hoffman

It cracked me and a few people up because I’d labeled it: “Dear Dad, Who the hell is Julia Hoffman?”


Man, I had no idea what I was getting into when I started all this via crappy equipment back in 2011. As for me it’s seems my whole life has been built to do all of this. I wanted a good education but mainly what I got was pop culture entertainment. Trying to get a good education resulted in learning how whacked-out humans can truly be. They say one thing and then go around doing the opposite. That’s why I like when someone puts up news of good deeds, even when it comes from non-human beings. Then all the comedy and humour I’ve imbibed, as well as the techniques for improving memory. Historical research from both curiousity and from trying to get my original material accurate. Money has always been a major problem, but when I got a little? I stopped buying cheap trinkets and got a ton of dictionaries, lexicons, thesaurus’, synonym/antonym books, and just studied on my own. Could barely afford college so I didn’t attend enough there.

Then someone suggested Vladimir Nabokov. Whoah! This man can WRITE! And English wasn’t his first language? Well this guy is speaking MY language! Wow! I was starting with Transparent Things, if memory serves, and he began a discourse on how when one focuses on a material object the history of that object links in. “Transparent things, through which the past shines!” Yes! Like James Burke’s series, “Connections”! Associative memory! Exactly.

And associative memory is how comedy works. How did Robin Williams accomplish such speed? One thing led to another, and then another and another. He kept going. And this is likely why improvisation was one of his favourite activities. The exploration of the human mind, where might this story go if I become a character or set of characters and let them take over? And as many of us know, it goes far!

Many a character had been taken into my psyche and in depth, as well as original characters I formulated, both to discover them and to discover my own identity. Then I come into Dark Shadows. Wow! These people gots problems! But why? What’s so bad about spooky? Oh! Okay, they aren’t getting the nice spooky. Hmm, what about all those other shows in the 1960s that did get the nice spooky?

Blending them together as accurately as possible? This is why The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows is so damn funny. Put all those fun spooks together with spooky people who are hurting? It’s HEALING TIME! Woo-woo! And then… are they meeting for the first time? No. Doing the research and I find, these people could essentially know each other already. Pasts are left open on many shows to allow that flexibility.

As in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.

SPOCK: It’s true. I do not have a brother… I have a half-brother.

Sybok

Sybok, Jedi Santa Claus of Vulcan

Come on, THAT must have made ya laugh!

Anyway, as we look over the wild list of characters in The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows, we find these characters being re-acquainted:

Wadsworth and Willie Loomis

Sophia Petrillo and Mrs. Johnson

Elizabeth Stoddard and Lily Munster

Dr. “Hawkeye” Pierce and Dr. Julia Hoffman

Sam Evans/Andre Dupres and Captain Daniel Gregg

As for Endora and Angelique? Of course they know each other!

Then the poor residents of Collinsport have been hooked into being stressed-out so long they’re almost addicted to it. These old acquaintances help them to remember things they’d forgotten, one of those things being how to laugh and enjoy life. (Sound like any DS fans out there?) And again, becoming a comedienne, as  I was hoisted into the massive gaggle of Dark Shadows fans with something different and all the baggage so many have been carting around for so long, using humour is likely how one could get poor Barnabas and Josette to each other in the 1960s.

laughter

Tragedy never seemed to work.


So the list of things to be grateful for:

  • An accidentally healed marriage! (HELL YEAH!)
  • Some bare knowledge that people have been laughing their heads off at my audio work.
  • A re-kindled love for The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.
  • New material from Sir Simon Milligan & Manservant Hecubus. (They deserved a new job together. 🙂 )
  • Finding people who love Thayer David.
  • Seeing Sharon Lentz’s new kitten. (DAMN, that lil’ one is cute!)
  • Finding people who actually love Barnabas Collins and see the depth of his character.
  • Devoted people who don’t believe the hype.
  • New friends who tell you their news and don’t just post memes.
  • Reaching Dark Shadows fans who don’t touch DS fan pages because they know better.
  • Bringing forth new creativity in those who have shown me kindness.
  • Pen pals who still care after all of this time wanting other news. (They now understand there really is no other news.)
  • Long talks on skype with new buddies who have the same passions.
  • Winning “Dark Shadows Memories” from an Angelique/Barnabas fan who likes Monty Python and is awesome.
  • Getting in touch with the Goth crowds again. Damn it, I’m HOME!

But the best thing of all? Many fans of Josette/Barnabas or Maggie/Barnabas, as well as those who puzzled out the reincarnation for so long. They all thought they were alone. Now? They’re meeting and sharing that love for them together. They love the marriage novel. They love seeing the two happy at last. They even love seeing the parallel between Barnabas/Josette & Gomez/Morticia. You know it’s there just from the reciprocation and how strong it is, as well as how spooky.

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As well as other folks who said, “Well, yeah, Barnabas/Josette was a big duh to me, too.”

The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows reaches people who normally “avoid anything smelling even remotely like fan fiction”. It’s read to them, it mixes up the things they like, it gives them the characters in recognizable patterns as well as having them let their hair down. It incorporates other shows and movies they love. (Really, who didn’t want more Wadsworth?)  It questions who we are which is a Western Civilization staple that has been extremely neglected for the last decade. And unlike certain other pairings preferences we show our virtue by saying to others, “Don’t like it? There’s plenty of what you want elsewhere. Go and have it.” But what do they do? They troll. They expound insecurities. They have fits. It almost gives one a warm glow.

I got my last troll review about a fortnight to a month ago. I threw back my head and laughed. It was honestly, truly hilarious.

So in all of these things, we have to thank someone for making the internet better, even when we’re ticked-off at malfunctions and mechanical flaws. Someone was trying to bring us all together. Now the problem is getting us to chat more about what we like, solving problems, and bringing some kind of halt to so much clutter. I’d be very grateful for that.

The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows Radio Drama & Podcast

Peace.