Happy Michaelmas! (Still Healing And Relearning “The Old Magic”)

Archangel Micheal

Michaelmas, a day of harvest and looking over ones previous year to give tribute to accomplishments, dragons befriended and demons conquered. At least that’s what we do. My demon conquered? Maybe not being so hung up on cooking this bird precisely on Michaelmas (September 29th). The other was actually getting the darn goose. I’m really wiped out from the journey. Walking, bus, more walking, fun market, good luncheon. (I called it elevenses as it was in the hour of 11 A.M.) Then the goose was found. PRICEY! FROZEN! HEAVY! I brought a backpack Tito loaned us.

Another bus. More walking, picked up a book Auntie suggested from the library, “How to Talk To Anyone”. I used to know this stuff but I’m healing from the devastation of the last three years and I need some help to cope with adjusting to contentment. The drama and the social networks ruining our social skills, mine included, has led me to feel that a sense of panic is the usual, and that is horrible!

Also stopped by the post office. One letter! Oooo! Thank you, friend in Utah! Also more stamps for new pen pals getting CDs of The Pit. One lady is super great. Very enthusiastic. Sounds too good to be true. At the end of Episode One, listening to “Shake, Rattle & Roll” she said she envisioned The Ghostbusters rattling down the road and Slimer coming toward the viewers seeing it on screen! I loved that. I let her know these old episodes have been slightly revised for the CD versions with separate tracks. (Example: Episode Three on CD has the Twin Peaks theme at the end rather than me making something up to say what music would be there.) I joked to Helena, “Yes, The Pit… Special Edition, or whatever.”

The trip home with the ten and a half pound goose to carry was pretty ludicrous. My shoulders and back have done their time today. Now it’s thawing in the sink. The tentative plan is to cook the neck and giblets I often and shamefully neglect if they are thawed enough. I’m sure I tried a soup before. I’m hoping to get some help on that score.

I was just grateful this morning that I turned off the computer before going to bed. GOOD! That’s what I want to do. I don’t want to be hooked up to this stuff 24-7! No, no, no. That’s the problem. 1990’s internet was less stressful because it was just computers, and you had to boot them up and turn them off. Hibernating them constantly wasn’t often in the realm of probability. So if anyone caught my semi-random Doctor Who & Barnabas youtube conversation-video, I hope it was enjoyable because I’m dying to get creative again! That was me scratching an itch. I found some dialogue I’d written with them a year or two ago, somewhat existential stuff. I couldn’t find that draft for ages and then I did. So I made another video. (The Dov’e L’amore was one I’d meant to do for years, though.)

I probably should have worked on Margaret Josette Dupres because we had a lovely evening and the couple were giving me some wonderful views in all that candle-light and romance at The Old House. Hopefully the images will bug me until they get on paper.

I’m still awaiting grassroots commentary on Episode #16 in The Pit as it’s pretty much done but until I have the back-up in comments it’s not healthy for me, psychologically, to release it. Which means I need to work on Episode 17. This is troubling because? I have no script!!! Arg!

original

Came all this way and I don’t a have a script for Episode 17! I have bits, I have a list, but now I’m trying to figure out the motions of what I did three years ago to get so speedy. Helena supporting my efforts was a big catapult. One pen pal saying she’d pay for them all on CD if she could was another major boost. The demos on walks to work did even more. So that last bit is what’s missing. I’m not listening to demos anymore. I’m listening to bona-fide paragons of radio drama. But demos are important. I just don’t have one now! Not for 17.

I feel like Episode 17 in The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows is Star Trek: The Motion Picture. In the 1970’s the Trek folks talked about not having a script and Harlan Ellison mentioned, “Maybe they’ll all get up and whistle. Who knows?” Then DeForest Kelley piped in that he’d heard from Gene Roddenberry that they had a starting date but no script, “But what the Hell?” he laughed, relaying the information,  “A lot of people have a script that don’t have a starting date!”

Me? I’ve got neither. The freedom of not getting paid means it happens when it happens. But, if any of you are hungry for more in this radio drama? All I can say is: ME TOO! I’m sure The Old Magic is there I just have to coax it out. No pushing. Spoils the creativity. (You’ve heard that already with my Barnabas voice going downhill around Episodes 11 & 12.)

Roger at his desk

I definitely have Roger Collins lines! So no worries there. And the joy of performing Roger Collins is for some reason I get him better when I’m sober. I’m continually stunned by that fact. I get the lush better accomplished without booze? Okay! (Is performing Quentin Collins going to be the same way???)

Still, getting The Old Magic back means living again. Not starving for discussion and losing sleep that the world went to pot. I have residual effects of that panic which eke out more often than I like. A lady at church assured me that, yes, people hardly talk to each other like they used to these days, and yes, we all have addictions. “Me? I’m addicted to meditation,” she confessed. Then she explained all the ways she added more meditation time into her routine. “But at least it’s a healthy addiction.”

I was super stressed out earlier this week and gave it a try. Attempting to watch the thoughts passing by without being a participant was almost impossible, but wow. There were a lot of thoughts! More than I expected. Then I started nodding off. That’s when I reasoned I need to meditate at bedtime. That way I can get to sleep easier and get some meditation accomplished.

So that’s the deal right now: Healing from the last three years, living again, allowing the new scenes for the show to come as naturally as they once did, maintaining correspondence in email and paper mail to regulate social skills, re-learning social skills, relaxation techniques, and keeping in touch with Doctor Julia Hoffman, as well as Sidney Freedman to help analyse all situations. A visit to Miss Read in Fairacre would also be very nice, maybe even Anne Shirley Blythe here and there.

Happy Michaelmas, everyone! ❤

 

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Where We’re At As Of March 2016

I, Daryl Wor, have been grounded in new friendships. A great many of my older ones have, as far as I can see, been destroyed by the new technology and the peer pressure of its addictive quality. What little knowledge I have been given to the whereabouts of my old companions in this life are that a few have been breaking free and their creative passions are thriving once again. Sadly it’s only 20% of whom I once was so close to who are taking that step back and reclaiming their lives.

In Facebook groups and such it is similar. With the 50th Dark Shadows Festival coming up in June I see the better behaved fans trying to host groups and online discussion become fed-up with the abundance of badly behaved people. They’re questioning if they want to attend at all with who they’ve seen online and might have to share the air with. Networks like these do tend to bring out the more infantile qualities in others somehow. One thing I try to inform my new companions about is the network is extremely easy to use for a reason: more people will use it and be advertised to. As with many things in our society it all is centered around making money. Our symbiotic nature has been preyed upon, yet again, for the sake of consumerism.

Since systems like Facebook are so incredibly easy to use and become addicted to, we find the types who cannot have much in the way of face-to-face interactions with people using these systems the most. Next we have the people who are fairly sound of mind but unable to get around much. It often feels like constantly watching the mentally ill attack the physically disabled. I just wonder at what point many users will look back on what they did or what they are doing and understand the damage that was caused.

My place in that is very straight-forward: I organically created a relief-series for Dark Shadows that incorporates other classic, problem-solving characters to lend a hand, which would change the format from a daytime-drama to a humour/mystery serial. Because I received so much silence I went looking for the answers as to why. Meanwhile I am watching communication abilities disintegrate in favour of short-note  greetings on small devices with the habit to take what’s there but not to give much more than photographs. I’m being told falsehoods faithfully believed in from lack of information or the new systems hoodwinking the general public to engage in social behaviour that is, at best, unhealthy.

The more domineering types wander through and condescend me, patronize me, tell me things about what I’m doing that are also untrue, or at the very least try to behave in a bad pattern of “mothering” which I did not request. A single canon pairing, which I only mapped out in my work from viewing the original program and listening to the characters desires, has fans that see the opposition to it growing. The result is to become photo-sharing silent-worshippers of that pairing. A canon romantic-pairing is being militantly debunked in favour of one that is not canon. I’m seeing a disturbing form of proselytizing, as if a non-canon-romantic pairing can replace factual data when enough people are convinced of its existence via fanwork, and to top it off one-half of this pairing is deeply despised. He’s hated and always is laid the blame for everything that goes wrong; An odd form of mob-justice with nowhere to put it.

However the shyer types, the more empathetic types were being silenced. Or as Charles Bukowski expressed, “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” Having lived in many versions of this problem I fired back. I reacted in kind. I would feel bad later but looking at what little in the positive was left to me and what was happening to the kinder people, well, if so many are allowed to be cruel and nasty without fear of repercussions? What’s there to worry about in responding to it with the same ludicrous assumption? As we know very well, when one ignores or shrugs off bullying or foul treatment in classrooms or otherwise it shows approval of those actions. This is what silence does and those who are silent have a role in that whether they like it or not. If you chose not to decide you still have made a choice.

I didn’t make that choice. I chose to speak up and expose the treachery being placed on others for doing something so innocent as loving particular characters and their tragic romances. And now I’m hated for it. (Although in small ways, I’m also embraced for it, thankfully.)

3 couples collage

The Addams Family fans have been morally helpful for holding close to the darkness, even whimsically, and adoring their couple’s requited romance. The Ghost & Mrs. Muir fans have been supportive for simply loving a program, all its facets, and showing some were fairly aware of the troubles in the Dark Shadows fandom. Striving for a romance with so many metaphysical boundaries is part and parcel of Captain Gregg and Carolyn Muir’s dilemma, but somehow they manage to engage romantically. These parallels to Dark Shadows hold wisdom, understanding, and longevity.

So when my husband turns to me in some bafflement as to my determination to get the entertainment system working again and asks, “Why is it so important now to have the TV and DVD player hooked-up and running?” my answer is clear.

“Honey,” I tell him, “I put the show out there to get the discussion and I wasn’t getting it. It drove me crazy trying to find out why no one was talking to me. I believe I have all the answers now. Part of it was disconnect in communications via mobile-phones, social networks, and device-tech, much of the rest was fandom politics and a lot of these people having various forms of midlife-crisis’. I’m ready to go back to where we were in 2013 and build the show again. If people want it they will speak up enough and I will share more. If they don’t, I won’t.” He’s been quite satisfied with that answer. ❤

What everyone else wants Barnabas Collins to do, or not do, is inconsequential to me other than studying their own psychosis. What Barnabas Collins desires, wants and chooses he shares with me, as does his Josette in Maggie. And so this is true with all the other characters, Dark Shadows and beyond.

The nice lurkers are out there and they’ve been wondering for years when “everyone else” will do the talking. The problem with that is that the lurkers are everyone else. You’ve just been absolving your place in it. If you’re reading this you are a participant, especially if you’re paying attention. And so it is in almost all aspects of life.

I’ve created an entertainment product that doesn’t charge you anything but asks you invest a little time to support it by voicing your enjoyment. A strange concept? Would a money exchange have been preferable? Is paying for entertainment somehow a way of paying for the right to complain about it?

As asked in my first intro, “How can things be really good without trying to get money out of me?”

Vocal support in the positive, the details to what you like, unpack your adjectives of enjoyment.

Don’t praise me, praise the characters. It’s what I do when I listen to The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. I fear myself at times by being able to create it, but when I forget that, I listen to Roger Collins and his family. I laugh in love right along with them and share in their contentment.

Is that too scary to do? 😉

For New Fans, Renewed Fans and U.K. Fans of Dark Shadows (& perhaps The Pit of Ultimate…)

 

I’d like to open this first post of 2016 with a favourite quotation by a young fan of Dark Shadows, “Perhaps the people bashing Barnabas should find a more contemporary, trashier show to follow. Then they can bash on their favourite reality actors.” I laughed so heartily toward her wisdom. It still gives me a warm glow.

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The year has begun and hopefully with far more enthusiasm and productivity to come than the previous two years of confusion and belittlement. My new beloved friends and I are seeing a change: new fans to Dark Shadows. It was likely to happen and not simply due to the 2012 film. There are also renewed fans; the kids who ran home or were already home, as I was in the days of Monkees re-runs. These “kids” are in their 50’s, rather than their 60’s, now. I was able to suss out a difference in a majority of these fans while talking with my Auntie.

In our conversation she mentioned going back to college to take on her new profession. At the school she attended, their library had the entire series of Dark Shadows, which she watched. Considering how long she attended the school she could easily have used it as her escapism. I was still stunned she could do it.

“You watched the whole thing up there?” I marvelled.

“Oh, yes. Loved it.”

“Leviathans and all?”

“Leviathans and all!” she announced proudly.

Well, okay. This, of course, is the aunt of mine who was able to get through all six books of the Dune series. (God Emperor of Dune just wiped me out.) She and I share that need for the linear and continuity, or at least continuance, flubs or no flubs, in our storytelling. Then I was blown away…

“You ran home from school to watch Dark Shadows?” I practically gaped.

“Oh, sure! Couldn’t get enough of it,” she smiled, happily.

I was almost dumbfounded and pointed out, “Well, what’s the deal? You’re obviously not crazy or messed up by it.” She laughed and I pondered, then finally I asked, “Wait. How old were you when the show ended?”

“Oh, that was 1971… So I was about ten years old.”

That’s when the light-bulb went on, “Ohhh… so you hadn’t gone through puberty yet. All that sexual tension on the show went right over your head.”

“Yup!”

Hmmmmmm… This led me to a new understanding. These “veteran” fans are often much different than the “veteran” fans who watched as teenagers. (Often, not always.) They looked at it in ways I remember watching television and films prior to pubescence. Love meant something much simpler and more wholesome, not the frightful whirlwind that it is once the tragedies of blooming time come in to confuse the crap out of us. Mix that up while viewing a soap-opera filled with romantic pairings switching right-&-left, deceit, black-mailing, kidnapping, a wild-woman out for revenge to trick her ex-lover into being her husband and then some, thwarted romances, and egad! Quentin Collins alone! Could anything be rougher on the emotional reflections of kids just trying to sort out sanitary napkins, under-arm odours, first crushes, insecurities about the boy or girl next door and all the rest? Couple this with “free-love” for the late 1960’s and perhaps we’re seeing that deluge of repercussions. And they’d be less attended to via the 21st century’s technology to seize our minds into shorter attention spans.

Anyway, let’s just say that a ton of the old-hats into Dark Shadows were running home from school. Right now the eldest among them ran home from school during their adolescence, yes? Perhaps this isn’t that big of a deal to the British turn of mind since people with a broader sense of history are usually better grounded in the turmoil of emotions and puberty. That’s my wager, anyway.

Now turn your attention to us Yankees, right? A nation much fixated on Puritanical ideas and *GASP* “scandal”! (As Betty White said in an interview, U.K. humour is very different from U.S. humour because the British don’t belabour a topic.) So a ton of these DS fans are currently living in this make-believe condition of hierarchy: If you are popular you somehow have jurisdiction over other fans. Yeh, I know: What rot! [sad snickering, and head shaking] Many U.S. fans of Dark Shadows, at least the ones on Facebook, are currently re-living that high-school (or secondary school) time period of their lives through association with running home to see Dark Shadows when it first aired. That association puts them back into the high-school frame of mind, and therefore they build pretend hierarchies in the same fashion. It stinks, but there you have it.

Me? HA! I’ve been through multiple layers of this psychological garbage. Sibling rivalry, ostracizing, fair-weather friendships while being told it would last our whole lives, and various interest groups. There are plenty sets of subculture to choose from, and I’d had my run for dressing up to be popular in the dreaded fashion of the 1980’s. I moved on. It didn’t accomplish much of deeper insight; not really my tea.

In no certain order, I went from studying Beatniks, Hippies, hitting up part of the Punk Movement, realizing I was more a Goth type than anything else, but still adoring the lighter side of literature, or the spooky elements. Part of my own abuse growing up was the enforced idleness to watch television constantly and not be creative. Breaking free from the addictive hold of television was hard enough at the time.

Currently we have things like Facebook where the five-second attention span and that peer-pressure to constantly connect to it is reigning supreme. Next one becomes idle and useless minus little blips here and there? Well, I can break free from it often enough now that I’ve seen its addictive quality, but I am still dealing with minds fragmented into that mentality. (I have enough trouble with old-fashioned addictions like alcohol. This new addiction of posting links, photos, memes, articles, and quizzes 5-to-20 times an hour is useless to me. At least with booze I slow-down and get more inspiration.) For fans of a program that spanned over 1,200 episodes coupled with a social-network that encourages five-second attention spans? This has to be a worse combination than oil & water.

Either way what I’m doing goes a ton farther and to more people (not that it doesn’t bother me) because I’m not only creating a Dark Shadows series but a series with a plethora of cameos, and other shows like The Addams Family, The Munsters, Wadsworth from Clue, The Ghost & Mrs. Muir television show, and Bewitched. I also approach those into Halloween, spooky, vampires, and several Gothic communities. Dark Shadows fans, or in this case junkies, don’t comprehend the scope of that at all. They are still set in their sense of hierarchies and feel the need to treat me like some chew-toy or kick-dog.

Hmm… I’ve entertained them, I’ve spent a ton of money on this production, I’ve been harassed, stalked, trolled, put up with pesky buffoons, and I deserve to be insulted by… a bunch of aged pensioners??? Not only that but types who delineate being a fan with high-school ideology and factionalism, perhaps a Collinsport High School in which no one ever graduates? I escaped public schooling for a ton of reasons, and this ideology was one of them. That’s why the idea of popularity to me is absurdly silly. I get to hear people saying, “Well *I* won’t listen to your podcast anymore!” or “Well, *I* won’t read your novel anymore!” It’s like, “Erm, yes, did you ever put in a bloody review or thank you or comment about what you enjoyed?” Being a participant while never showing you are except to bad-mouth your entertainer, send her distractions or further grief…  Whatever, folks. Don’t let the door hit you in the tush on your way out.

Theoretically, I could get into a snit with someone about their band covering a song by The Damned or Siouxsie & The Banshees, but why? We all pay tribute in different ways to those we admire. What a lot of these fans do is attack the characters and their behaviour on Dark Shadows. Trying to understand the characters isn’t really important. No one and nothing is sacred, but they still make out like they “own” it all because they saw the show when it originally aired. They were “the first”. Yes, like many in the Punk movement have a herd-of-cattle over newer incarnations of said Punk movement. It is all so much posing, very petty, and I could not care less.

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For new fans and renewed fans of Dark Shadows, I say let them have a safer haven for discussion and support to their preferences than the previous experiences provided. However, for fans of this radio drama series who have often told me they’re uncertain about it since they haven’t watched enough Dark Shadows to know who the characters are? I’ve been letting them know, “Oh, that’s okay. A vast majority of the Dark Shadows fans that I’ve seen have no idea who the characters are either.”

The Journey Continues… for the characters and myself…

Looking at how long I’ve struggled with this project, from 2010-now, but mainly 2012 to 2015, I’ve had to recognize things I had no knowledge of, however much I hunted and gathered all the information and needed help. When I found that traffic graph in 2013, figuring out what it meant I looked over months of silent readers and was completely stunned. That’s when the grief cycle began. I use the old model for the five stages even though many of us are aware that those stages are not absolute. Some patterns are added or two will be weaved in. So, all of that hard work and laughter and I’m hearing nothing for ages from a silent audience?

“Denial is the first of the five stages of grief. It helps us to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on, if we can go on, why we should go on. We try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief.”

I’ve held on to this denial for some time now. It doesn’t make sense to me nor any of my newest supporters that so damned many people could enjoy my work and not want to express that with more than being a number, a like-clicker, or just a lurker. People share they’re work, in most cases, for communication on it, unless they’re out to make money. Fanwork usually makes no profit whatsoever. It can’t. The only gain is the knowledge of what was enjoyed.

People who enjoy anything in the arts and entertainment like to discuss what they enjoy with someone else. Pen pals express their hobbies and favourites in streams, as well as who they are. Why? Because they’re looking for those of like-mind they will get along with and enjoy the discourse of letter-writing with. (Some people are happy with the idea of “friendship” and that solely, which is why social networks provide the lazy-style of comfort they need for approval. They can simply assume who cares and who that person is. The rest of us don’t work that way.)

With this my stage of denial still lingers even now. How could you not want to discuss what I’m creating with me? As my newest friend has stated, “It’s natural to want to talk to someone or express what was enjoyed. What is wrong with these people?”


“Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing. The truth is that anger has no limits. It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself and your loved one who died, but also to God. You may ask, “Where is God in this? Underneath anger is pain, your pain. It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss. At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything… The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto; and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing.We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.”

I think my rants and aggravation has been seen many times by my readers and listeners. What choice was I left to? No one was helping. No one was showing they cared minus Helena but she stepped in 19 months after that silence happened and we maintain our friendship to this day. She went looking for stories to enjoy and expressed herself naturally. Why bother with something for that long if it doesn’t mean anything to you?

I went to investigate why this happened to me and I found a ton of dirty laundry out there from Dark Shadows fans. It ain’t hidden either. Type in a search engine for pairings of Barnabas/Julia or Barnabas/Angelique and you’ll find plenty of stories that aren’t often true to the characters with many people upset at Barnabas for not being in love with either of these women, or having done them wrong. For Barnabas and Maggie or Josette fans looking and then finding that kind of thing? They’ll have doubt cast on themselves and they’ll also feel badgered and hurt. They won’t want to reach out. They won’t even want to look anymore. In fact, they have to hear this crap from people who approach them. Was finding that out going to piss me off? It sure was! I didn’t pick who Barnabas loved. I looked for a relief series and couldn’t find one. Did I care about who loved who? Only in as much that they weren’t reaching each other on the program. My first hurt was Tony & Carolyn.

carolyn and tony

As far as I am concerned now? They’re fine.

What the hell do I care to throw insults at a miserable vampire for not loving some broad? What mattered to me is he loved Josette, and she him, and I saw Maggie constantly struggling with feeling lost about herself, among other signs. I care about the characters and requited-loves finding harmony in reaching each other. I’m the same with real people.

sam painting gregg

Again, I started all this because of Sam Evans, that was the final straw, but in for a penny in for a pound.

So yes, I’ve been very angry. I’ve been angry at the silence and I’ve been angry at what caused that silence and I’ve been angry at the people perpetuating that behaviour to continue. It took years to find out that fans of this pairing for Barnabas were being kept away from each other in almost the same way as the couple itself. They don’t want to “take-over” or whatever the idea is with so many of the other fans. They want their own small corner of the world to enjoy each others company and heal their hurts together. And that’s been treated like a crime or some world-domination idea. Barnabas and Josette were planning to run away to Boston together. As far as I’m concerned I’d be happy to meet all the fans of this pairing right there! Perhaps a nice little coffee shop out of the way somewhere. (Not a massive crowd of supposed Dark Shadows fans. In the majority for them? I have not been impressed.)


“Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything if only your loved one would be spared. “Please God, ” you bargain, “I will never be angry at my wife again if you’ll just let her live.” After a loss, bargaining may take the form of a temporary truce. “What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others. Then can I wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream?” We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements. We want life returned to what is was; we want our loved one restored. We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, stop the accident from happening…if only, if only, if only. Guilt is often bargaining’s companion. The “if onlys” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even bargain with the pain. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We remain in the past, trying to negotiate our way out of the hurt. People often think of the stages as lasting weeks or months. They forget that the stages are responses to feelings that can last for minutes or hours as we flip in and out of one and then another. We do not enter and leave each individual stage in a linear fashion. We may feel one, then another and back again to the first one.”

Bargaining, if I haven’t gone through this one back and forth? I have no idea what else happened. I have bargained like crazy. I went from rants to apologies to “What will work best for these people?” I care about them and I care about myself. Maybe they only have phones. Well, suggest a smile-face or something. Hmm, well maybe they’re disabled, try other avenues. Maybe I could reach out to fans in the other fandoms. That actually worked quite well! Try other fan work sites. Hmm… okay, well, let’s make the show in audio and make it the best I can, that’ll get people talking. Not really… Care package plan? Better. Let’s try tumblr… whoops! Wow, there’s a WHOLE lotta arse-holes there…

darkness loves us

until I found The Addams Family crowd, weeeeeee!

Well, the people listening like-click as if there is no tomorrow. Maybe I can just find book club types, or college radio geeks, or just radio geeks and they can do the talking? Oh boy… even hundreds and hundreds MORE numbers. But discussion? No dice! (Actually, over the years I’ve had a few people step up to the plate mainly to say, “I didn’t really listen to it, but this and this and this was wrong and here’s some more advice even though I didn’t pay attention.” Ummmmm…. okay…. 😛 )

I believe the list of bargaining for me is too long to relate here.


These last two stages rather melded together. What happened is about three people came forth recently and said strait up how good the work was, how much they were enjoying it, one even said she felt guilty she wasn’t paying and could I please open a donations account. (There is a plan in the works for that.) Another got all thirteen episodes reviewed and commented on in less than a month! For Episode 10 “The Kids Are All Right” he added,

Your adopted people are growing well and their numbers are as well. So is channeling like having multiple personalities? Just asking if we all need to warn your husband… You have done a remarkable job in this and your hard work is liked. People as you have said seem to not want to either do more then “like” or just be a number. I think social networks and such have done a great injustice to all. Before we would say we enjoyed or thank you. Now press like or share! This, I think, is the greatest wall with your followers. We have yet again been further removed from reaching out to others. Well I, for one, stand with you.

May they see that “like” does not say enough. It is robotic. A non committal response.


Another new friend has been completely livid at the treatment I’ve received since we found each other. How could someone with this much skill in writing, talent in acting, and versatility in creating the audio and being so giving with so much get treated like dirt?

That was when those last two stages arrived for me:

After bargaining, our attention moves squarely into the present. Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It’s important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The first question to ask yourself is whether or not the situation you’re in is actually depressing. The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be unusual. When a loss fully settles in your soul, the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way.

It’s true. It happened. I have been treated very badly as well as harassed and insulted by those I was never looking for.

Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. In resisting this new norm, at first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must re-adjust. We must learn to reorganize roles, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves. Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. As we begin to live again and enjoy our life, we often feel that in doing so, we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new inter-dependencies. Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time.

For I? It is the loss of potential, what could have gone faster, been better. Not an actual person, but an entity of creation and the creativity to go along with it. Being misled, as well as misunderstood in a wild array of patterns I’d already seen before in my family life, institutions, and so-called friendships that came before.

I’ve been told things I knew were either untrue or wrong and told persistently as a way of others covering up their own guilt or personal-shortcomings. So what? You spent just as much time defending ill-actions by one’s self and others when that time could have been better spent in simply looking over the work and getting to the task of discussion. It took one man 20 days to get through all thirteen episodes and answer the discussion questions. It’s not like he wasn’t “busy” too. But others are still saying, “I’ll get to it.” after over a year. Do you feel guilty about that? Stop. Solving a problem takes less time and gives you more in return. We all know this. Condescending me about it just makes the wound even bigger, for you and for me. And then when the people who make that effort come forward? Who do you feel better for? Me or you?


In The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows problems are solved with the help of outside communities. What happens when that takes place?

Further opportunity to achieve, solve more, enjoy your time being alive & well, or at least content. The people of Collinsport are better off because others pointed things out they could use to improve their circumstances, or simply stepped in to keep harm from being done to the point the Collins clan began doing it too.

As I move through the original series once more to find what problems are coming up? Well, Adam is no longer in my series. His troubles were sorted with long ago. Victoria and Peter have less to worry about being with Gomez, Morticia and the rest in their home. The tides turned and there is still loads to solve, but the same people are finding their strengths and moving forward, even Willie Loomis who is wrestling with giving himself more credit as others are showing him how.

Willie pensive Wadsworth looking down

So even with my stages of grief, which will never eliminate what has happened to me, I still look for solutions to continue. I know I’ve been treated quite horribly, even by family and friends from before, some of who swore they would try to help, and a few very slowly do. There is no form of gas-lighting or dissuading me that this isn’t true. I’ve been through all the tricks and I know better. On top of that I look for people who hurt to try and help them in whatever way I can. If others would like to mock that aspect of me we shall wonder at them and what purpose in life they could have.

All I wanted was 25 people and 5 perspectives per episode, that was all. I’ve looked everywhere, because of the people who can’t talk, to find those 5 and so far I’ve only found about 3 for the whole after all of this time and struggle looking. And the downloads continue daily, have been since Episode 13 was released last Christmas. I can’t do much more than wait and keep going now. Promotion and advertising has seldom done much for this. The talkers usually approach me first.

As for myself, I like the small band of chatty types I’ve found. The people who love Barnabas flaws and all, who love his happiness in “Margaret Josette Dupres” after watching his hurt, the people who saw Maggie as the reincarnation of Josette but couldn’t put it into words. We have a lot of healing to do together, and lot of things we need to talk about, both in horror and in love. So it’s starting and I pray that continues. Maybe that old quote I found at a bus stop will finally ring true again someday.

a small group

By the way, I snapped this picture with an old camera in Seattle. I’ve seen my view stats and Sea-Tac is hitting me big time looking for more. So, guys? I’ve been up there. I know for absolute certain you have the chat in you. You live in gloomy weather with shining smiles for it. Stop lurking, Washington. Start talkin’. 😉

The Promise of What Praise Can Do: “Margaret Josette Dupres (A Novel)” [Note 7]

Having been through the abuse stream, as well as watching it occur, along with my studies in psychology and what William Faulkner describes as “the human heart in conflict with itself”, I saw what post-kidnapped Maggie Evans would be struggling with as a reincarnation of Josette. With Margaret Josette Dupres (A Novel) I still feel a re-working is in order for some parts of the book. Because The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows received so many numbers, (and still does) rather than the insight I needed to keep going, when I was taken over by the marriage novel, I felt Maggie got too much of the fast-track, when I meant to explore her difficulties more in the radio drama. However, when I completed my first draft I left the three Healing chapters until the end. I didn’t want to go there, but I knew for the sake of authenticity Barnabas and Maggie would have to endure this difficulty.

How Maggie could forgive the kidnapping could not take effect simply by looking at her lives as Josette Dupres and Kitty Soames, more would be necessary to get through the memories of the trauma. Over all she understands Barnabas’ madness but that inner child has needs and many relationships go through levels of stress. Acting-out, whether in forms of fantasy or reality, is what many couples require to express both pleasure and pain.

Maggie Evans was not the sole person to experience that kidnapping. So who does she turn to? The man who changed from cocky to empathetic due to being trapped by this circumstance.

Willie scared

Willie Loomis

Chapter 12 “Willie’s Wounds” originally was something I was putting together to reflect on a unique experience Willie had after being shot in the back and going both to the hospital and to Wyndcliff. As this novel was being re-written it became an integral addition to the story as a whole rather than the bedroom vignettes it began as. Rather than this tale being told for no particular purpose in mind, Maggie ascends the stairs to Willie’s room at the end of Chapter 11. In Chapter 12 Maggie is now asking for help to determine what her feelings are and how the experience affected Willie Loomis. After so much time he was wondering how on earth her inner struggles being married to her kidnapper didn’t surface before.

“Yes,” she says to him, “tell me anything about it. I just need to think about you’re being in the hospital and at Wyndcliff and why you were there.”

Willie Loomis then goes on to detail his experience, the main one being someone showing him kindness in a way that was difficult for him to understand where he was and how it was happening. In Dark Shadows they placed Willie Loomis on his back after he was shot there! What the heck??? (Actually, Mad Margaret and I have discussed several times how nerve-wracking that was to witness. She seemed rather grateful I rectified that situation in my work. Additives as such make one feel better.) So in Chapter 12 he relates to being laid on his stomach instead.

Link To Chapter 12: Willie’s Wounds


mad margaret chapter 12
     I was very interested in reading this chapter because of the subject matter. My story is going in a similar direction. Similar but very different. I liked the way you approached the fill-the-gap theme. It’s really nice that Willie and Maggie both have someone they can confide in. Thank you for pointing out that in the hospital he would have been on his stomach, not his back like on TV. It was very realistic the way his mind wandered in and out of reality because of the pain meds and maybe some memories faded with time. Sounds like we may get to meet Miss Kiss. And now Maggie wants shackles and a bucket of ice? Oh geez, can’t wait to see where that’s going to go.

Yes, thank you! (And I’m still wondering if the later chapters were read and what the thoughts are, though that is a much harsher subject matter, of course.) I love the description “Miss Kiss”. Bringing out peripheral characters is tough. With this one it’s still rather difficult. I have to finally stamp down a first name eventually as they didn’t give the nurse one on the program.

katie chapter 12
I’ve always felt that Willie was a “go along to get along” guy in Jason’s world, just trying to survive. I think that it took his encounter with Barnabas to bring out the real Willie Loomis. A sweet, unassuming man, ready to sacrifice himself for those he deemed worthy. There is a lot in Willie that needs to be expressed, but I’m pretty sure that his upbringing never provided him with those skills. Willie is my most loved member of this dear, dysfunctional family and you have begun fine work in helping Willie and Maggie find their way back to living in peace. I hope that the three of them get their happily ever after, when the healing is complete.

Another fine bit of writing.

Indeed. I felt the same way. It was like Willie was rough and tumble, kind of scuzzy as he’d been exposed to that much of his life. I heartily appreciate this discussion on the work. I remember getting so much silence and writhing, “My God! Doesn’t anyone even care about Willie?!” But being under the power of Evil Barnabas, having to come to terms with this totally unfathomable situation Willie can’t control, his better nature grows out, and then more friendships form for him. Thank you, Katie!

myhrr chapter 12
A bucket of ice? Whatever for?

Your writings remind me of what I think. Very liberated nathaniel hawthorne would have written if he had lived in the 19th century. Very dark, yet very soothing. A snippet of a whip infused with a tender spring of babys breath. Thoroughly enjoyed this chapter!

Yes, a bucket of ice. Whoah! Nathaniel Hawthorne. Amazing. That is one author I have the worst time following and I put that down more to the time period than his style. It’s groovy to be compared to an author who is that high in caliber. Blessings for that.

Helena Clara Bouchet chapter 12
I hope Maggie will find the nurse and bring her up to Collinwood for Maggie. At first I thought he was fantasizing due to the meds, but he saw her shadow. Hmmm.

And I am SO ready for the ice and the chains session! Great chapter for Willie and ready for that next chapter 😉

Ever the helpful Helena, oh and she lets us know what’s coming up. Goodness! I know. I got the feeling, as said in my first podcast intro, that Barnabas seemed to have this S&M thing going on. Never thought I’d have to go through it! AH! (And Helena had read previous drafts so she was aware of what was coming up.) I must wonder why Barnabas turns on so many people. I tap into the complexity as well as the deep romantic nature. I leave dreams of sleeping with him up for others to enjoy. My own healing comes from seeing all the romances finally reaching each other. Watching the love that could be, and for me is, in the work.

Veritas chapter 12
I’ve always liked Willie, even when Barnabas had him doing all the henchman stuff, but now I love him. He seems like he’d be such a sweet guy if he wanted to, and I can’t wait to meet the mystery woman!

Uh oh, Barnabas better be prepared! He told her to get angry and take it out on him, I just hope he realizes how bad its gonna be!

Keep going! I’m loving every minute of it, even the not-so-happy parts.

Yay! Yes, even our poor mystery-woman was getting the fast-track for this story. All in all everyone’s curiousity and interest in what was going to happen next? That seriously helped me! Having to go through the horror all over again was painful, I knew it was going to be and in performing it, mostly in mind, but partly in body, I actually created physical pain for myself that weekend. My husband was quite worried. So thank you all for the enthusiasm! ❤


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With Chapter 12 Maggie gains the sense of revenge she requires by Chapters 13-15. In order to relieve herself and Barnabas she finds a way to bind him in her bedroom, and present a series of tortures to him, which he had been on the point of almost requesting in earlier chapters. His own turmoil having turned him into the mad creature he was, Barnabas understands a cruel type of behaviour has to be released and his love for her is dear enough he wants to give himself into it for her sake.

Link To Chapter 13, Healing: Part 1 Shackled

Helena Clara Bouchet chapter 13
Okay, let me get my amusement out of the way first: LOL! Make sure the door’s locked, Josette, or Willie may be traumatized by looking at Barnabas’ in all of his chained and iced-down glory. 😀

Now to get serious: the tables had turned for Barnabas. His punishment for what he did to Maggie (and she was scary in this chapter) was being delivered. Oh the fear he must be feeling, but he does it for her healing, which she deserves. But I wonder what does the little boy in him fear? Is it the unknown or something concrete? Recollections of being punished by his father and not knowing how? I wonder if the next chapter will answer that…

You put together the atmosphere well, Daryl. Looking forward to the conclusion 😉

Ah, yes. The only person to review this chapter. With the numbers I got I think many were hungrily enticed by Barnabas getting some S&M from his beloved. However, at least Helena wasn’t too embarrassed to admit it. I realized in all of this it was very likely Barnabas would want to be sure that door was locked. A little mercy on Maggie’s end. Maggie refers to him as a little boy fairly often to me when I channel her. Having that power over him as Josette she can see more sides to his nature than most. We all have in us that inner child we carry from our earliest days.

Link To Chapter 14, Healing: Part 2, Punishment

The wee hours proceed with Maggie torturing Barnabas, with ice, with resounding slaps, taunts, teases, biting words, and sitting in front of the warm fire while he lies in bed freezing. The discussion is also telling in that he admits his memory during the kidnapping was only remembering her, not Angelique, not all that had happened, just Josette, and their being taken from each other. Only one review, but then again I didn’t post this too far or with a photo as I felt so ill about the whole thing at the time.

Helena Clara Bouchet chapter 14
That was a little intense, but way more for Barnabas as the subject of torture. It was funny that he tried to cheat Maggie out of her revenge by attempting to warm himself, but I loved it when she read his thoughts and said, “Don’t even think about it.” Exactly. If Maggie wasn’t relieved of her sufferings, then why should he? Well done here, Daryl! 😉

Thank you. It was good to have this reflection! I’m not sure he was trying to cheat her but coming up with some thought in his mind that could sustain him through the torture, but all in all this is true and he knew it was true, they both did.

Like To Chapter 15, Healing: Part 3, Redemption

Helena Clara Bouchet chapter 15
Wow! That was some heavy, emotional stuff going on in there. I hope Maggie/ Josette had got over the hardest part of her recovery from her past trauma. And although the physical discomforts/ pain were cringe-worthy, the thing that broke Barnabas down was hearing that he caused shame to her. I think that he REALLY got the message of her pain at that moment. Great chapter! 🙂

Thank you again. I was really surprised at the outcome and not only that but I found Maggie torturing Barnabas even more than in the previous draft. That was where my physical pain came in. I had to burn up as her and choke myself as Barnabas to get a feeling of what that would be like or what it had been like in my experiences with abuse. It was like a blow to the heart when she snarled at him so viciously, and it makes sense as he would be ashamed of having turned into something so different than when he wasn’t cursed. Plus the drinking was a new element as well. Previously they had a certain sexual gratification from that, now it’s become painful, it’s part of her revenge.

katie chapter 15 
I like the ‘all bets are off’ approach you took with this. After what these two had endured, a simple trip to Wyndcliff wasn’t likely to heal the pain. If any two people were ever candidates for PTSD, it would be Maggie and Barnabas.

Very intense, and in parts, very difficult to read because of the great emotion and anger, but a happy story too. Maybe now these lovers can get on with having the happy life they deserve.

I am sooooo grateful for this review, Katie. I truly am. It was decidedly difficult to endure with them. With fans who are strangely offended at this pairing I see teasing take place that it’s a fairy tale wedding and this hard work into making it accurate and valid proves that it’s nothing of the sort. When I studied regression therapy I saw that the only way Maggie could remember being Josette for sure was to unblock the kidnapping and all of a sudden she has so much information to process. Plus I didn’t expect her reaction at the end. I thought she would have her way with him and that would be it, but when those tears came I was completely stunned.


Still working on Episode 15 of the radio drama. Lots of augmenting for it’s own authenticity, even with the uncertainty it will ever be uploaded, but press on we must.

I look forward to better changes in the future from listeners of the radio series, but after over a year of surging hopes only to be defeated I can’t afford to hope for it anymore. Just keep going and see what happens.

There will be more happiness and turmoil for this marriage as well as how their friends and relations view it. Very much looking forward to Sam Evans entry in first person, but we have a lot of love and affection to explore before that.

Many blessings and take care,

Daryl

oh god

The Love of Dr. Julia Hoffman

julia waiting for barnabas to save her from the riddler

Yep, don’t hear too much about this. It looks like even The Riddler can keep these goodies from us. But be it a riddle or no, it is true. We do have love for Dr. Julia Hoffman.

Haters of her do exist, as well as those who dislike her, but I rarely run across them. When I first saw Dr. Julia Hoffman coming into play on Dark Shadows I thought, “Whoah, she’s got some nerve.”

Remind you of anyone? 😉

My own irritation with that dwindled as time went on. She seemed to calm down when she came to Collinwood and got lost in the swirl of so many problems. As like with Willie Loomis, once a person has to identify with the hurts of others they become more empathetic and concerned. I remember Quentin Collins changed as well when he found himself in a situation he couldn’t control.

For sympathizers of Dr. Julia Hoffman we have some of the best possible people, we truly do. They not only love Julia and the Julia/Barnabas romantic pairing, but who else do they love?

Barnabas Collins

Barnabas Collins

They love him romantically, or lustily, or as a friend. They say, “Oh, it would have been nice if he reciprocated Julia Hoffman! I like that idea. She cared so much about him.” They also express themselves with sincerity as a fan of anything else. I’ve often heard from them, “Now you know I’m a Julia/Barnabas fan,” before moving forward with something fun and chatty about my work. It doesn’t bother me to hear this. It’s said in a well-grounded way that someone would tell me, “Well, you know I’m really into The Beatles rather than Depeche Mode”. It’s like the love of a music preference while maintaining people have other favourites in their lives.

The other thing lovers of Julia Hoffman tell me is, “Wow! Professor STOKES?! For Julia? That’s a splendid idea! I hadn’t thought of that. Professor Stokes is great and he was interested in Julia too!”

Super Stokes

He’s groovy, he’s cool, he has a monocle!

And generally? Julia lovers like a lot of things. They are upbeat, winning and they know the difference between reality and fantasy. “Hey, it’s just a story. It’s a good story, but we’re pretending and we’re exploring that. No big deal.” Occasionally they do shake a fist at Barnabas Collins for not loving Julia, but they do it once and then they’re done. 🙂

Julia lovers have a fair grasp of psychology as well and look at themselves and their lives as such, similar to Julia herself. They meet with Julia-extremists thinking they’ve found a kindred-soul, then watch further seeing the odd behaviour that comes out and… slowly back away. “Oh dear,” they think, “this isn’t going down as I expected. This person has, uh, more than an enjoyment of Julia/Barnabas. In fact, I’m not sure they truly are enjoying what they’re going for.”

I, myself, felt the need to analyze all this to try and figure out what the hell was happening with my own work getting so darned much silence and for so long. That is changing but 2014 wasn’t the best year of my life. I’ve been through ringer with fans of all sorts. As patiently as I could. I wasn’t often given that gesture of kindness in return. It builds up on ya. (Believe me, like-clicks a go-go and friend requests on facebook without discussion as to why increases that confusion, too.)


Lovers of Julia Hoffman have been some of the better supporters to what I’ve put together. They see a unique method of handling both Julia’s woes as well as that of Barnabas Collins, not to mention everyone else. And because of the likelihood that the Julia/Barnabas pairing is popular they were never afraid to speak up nor get nasty about Julia/Eliot. They like the characters for themselves and have a preference for the positive. They don’t grind their teeth watching Dark Shadows, but usually respond to bad things occurring on it with a breath of, “Oh, noooo… *sigh* Well, it IS a soap-opera.”

The concern of sympathy for Julia Hoffman’s love of Barnabas Collins can be summed up in that one word:

Sympathy.

That’s what makes these fans some of the best for Dark Shadows. They appreciate the struggles everyone had to go through, not only the characters but the creators of the program. They also sympathize with anyone facing hardship and, like Julia, want to help. They haven’t been scared away by anyone going nuts at them for being a fan of Julia/Barnabas, whereas fans of Roxanne, Maggie and Josette have been hit with the troubles of not being a Julia/Barnabas fan. Julia lovers are not only easy-going but they care about coming to the bottom of a problem. They listen intently, they look at as many details of a situation as possible. Very important when it takes that kind of comprehension to keep track of so many wild things going on in Dark Shadows.

These lovers of Julia or Julia/Barnabas have turned out to be some of the best people I have ever encountered online. Being less fragmented by not feeling outnumbered they keep to concerning themselves with friendship and communication. They enjoy a lot of things beyond Dark Shadows. They also enjoy Star Trek as several other listeners of mine have told me. If I had a dollar for every time we have detailed discussions about Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation I might have just enough money to pay for half of The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows.


Back in the late 1970s, Harlan Ellison described peoples difficulty with science-fiction, mainly those in charge of our entertainment, “They see machinery, they see machinery and they think that’s what science-fiction is and it isn’t. It’s about people and the effect of the future on people. They can not get it through their heads.”

Lovers of Julia Hoffman also know that it’s about people, all kinds of people, everything is related and a persons feelings are important. They have never shrugged off my hurts at making so many laugh and never getting to find out what they laughed at or why. They’ve seen my temper flare and they come to me quickly with concern telling me, “I know you, and I know you aren’t mean-spirited… heh, heh, heh, actually, some of your sarcastic comments left me in stitches!”

Julia sees Eliot

Yes, we love Dr. Julia Hoffman and we know she’s a big-girl.

Her happiness is our happiness, as well as everyone’s happiness even when we, ourselves, are not doing so well.

Loving Julia Hoffman for herself means we love everyone for who they are and want to help. Please, keep it up! This is a good thing and I heartily endorse it. ❤

Peace.

Why Create The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows, Or Any Story?

There is a lot of behaviour I’ve enacted in this project that I am not proud of.

Why did this happen?

I expected for human beings to behave as naturally as I discovered them to be as I progressed through this life. When someone makes them laugh they show it, when someone entertains them they applaud, when someone touches their inner depths they discuss it.

It’s taken over three years to get a mere handful of people to do this for my work.

Why?

Several reasons, perhaps. One being device technology, of course. It presented us with lazier ways of perusing a massive source of information so that the internet no longer was a 2-way street, nor a zone of communication with several people interacting as we had in the days of textual forums. It is now presented to us in more robotic maneuvers and more of a one way street where people tapping into the online world are not expected to respond with anything more than a like-click or a thumbs down if even that.

I have done so much hard work to get my biggest achievement to youtube. Really, why wouldn’t I become extremely angry and post rants when all I got were thumbs down over there? If you were me wouldn’t it piss you off too? One of my best helpers has let me recognize that if the same malarkey I’ve received from doing what I do and to not require commentary for it would never be handled well by anyone doing it unless they didn’t care. Someone doing what I do would be a caring person. Caring is something that this new world has diminished in vast amounts this century.

My husband told me, “I understand when someone says ‘That’s just the way the internet is, or how things are.’ When you show surprise to that, but to back it up with, ‘That’s just the way things are because that’s how they SHOULD be,’ that’s when it all breaks down into idiocy.” And I agree with him. This creation was not invented to be a one-way street, but we’ve been so programmed that it should be. We like the fact we’ve been hoodwinked toward laziness of faculties and disassociation with each other in using it. In fact, we cradle this laziness and obliviousness to our very souls. As History has shown, humans in masses are very easy to program into complacency.

But what of the symbols in that complacency?

One thing that’s really driving me insane are Jesus memes.

jesuschrist

The teachings of Christ have been degraded into share files. “Yes! This is what I believe! I’ll LIKE-click it. I’ll SHARE-FILE it. But I won’t do it. I won’t behave that way. I won’t help my neighbour. I will not be The Good Samaritan. Forget the teachings themselves, but I’ll post them and believe in them. Action makes no difference.”

But what of the people who’ve helped me the most? Yes, they are believers in these teachings as well as The Gospel (Good News). They BEHAVE like Christians. A blogger reached out immediately and devotedly to my cause. A reader responded as she would to any material she was enjoying. Another saw my pain and spoke up. A writer showed her merit in talent and worth as well as craftsmanship in the arts. Two others I wrote to asking for help showed their worth in what they could do. If they couldn’t do much in the commentary department they certainly could in empathizing with my troubles.

But what of all the silent downloaders, listeners, readers?

Some of them are robotic like-clickers and they show-off their religious beliefs with almost anything but the virtues of which it is based on. Those virtues are kindness, communication, consideration for someone hurting. These are things many of the silent refuse to embody. I’m not sure why. Perhaps they’re simply church-goers rather than enablers of a better society.

In many regards they behave as if the world of Dark Shadows is more important to them than The Bible. They’re more involved in their own egos of which romantic pairing makes the most sense to them than listening to what the characters might want for themselves. This would definitely stretch out to not listening to real people. Real people, like fictional characters, have wants and desires, things that move them, sorrows that hurt them, trials and joys. Watching people suffer like a bystander and only filming the hurt or sharing the file is not something I see as Biblical practice, or practice of any faith except perhaps that of…

satanic_bible

Anton LaVey…

It is the manual of utter self-indulgence, that which cares for no one but the self, the ego and its higher purpose to feed the lusts of the body. If one cannot release themselves of guilt? Revel in it. Ah, yes. I see this behaviour all around me. Perhaps “The Black Pope” is wise to reveal such atrocities in the human psyche to us. If you can’t beat ‘em? Join ‘em! And that’s been my experience at times in this project The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. Perhaps “The Pit of Ultimate Darkness” truly is as dark as Sir Simon Milligan announces in his comedic manner. It’s certainly shown its listeners to be.

Some, I will admit, are likely ones with disabilities, or low-functioning communication skills, be it from lack of funds or lack of practice. But there are several I know for certain are able bodied and can easily type out communication. Why they resist expressing their enjoyment when I’ve repeatedly explained that is the need I have in being their entertainer?

Perhaps, as Brian Wilson sings, “God Only Knows”.

My main purpose has been in helping others. When they want a different romantic pairing I’m more than happy to direct them to someone else’s work. When they want more of mine? Well what were all of those workshops for? I deduced perhaps some of my listeners had debilitating problems so we provided what we could to help others out so they could help me. Working constructively together.

multi matrix game

multi matrix more

When silence is all a person gets one has to expect a wide array of utter confusion from the almost total lack of information. Not only do I not know what was enjoyed I don’t even know why people can’t simply TELL me why they can’t talk to me either. How was I not going to go insane from that much confusion? How? Turning to more intoxicants, liquor being one of them, in loneliness and confusion? Yes. In uncovering fandom politics and bizarre control tactics over a majority of romantic pairings in the fanwork? Of course! That’s going to drive someone mad. This is a television show, not re-writing the Talmud.

Keeping kinder hearts silent? What was the grand gesture in that? How was persistently giving Dr. Julia Hoffman her crush over and over again going to help anyone? It certainly never helped her. She’s a fictional character, a strong woman made weak by isolating our own desires in her, or those of Angelique. Forcing the issue and telling-off a major icon for which Dark Shadows would have been canceled if he hadn’t been introduced; Why was invalidating his hurts and longings good for any of us, or him or Julia?

We resist who Barnabas Collins loves for some sinister reason. We resist standing up for what we believe in beyond posting memes about it or like-clicking it for another sinister purpose. We’d rather listen to ourselves than someone else for some diabolical scheme. I’m not sure what it is. Shame? Programming? Shyness? Obliviousness? All of the above?

The standards of storytelling imply that it’s all about conflict. I’ve found that it isn’t. It’s about reaching a moral precept or several ethical values. In Episode 2 of The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows Wadworth explains to Barnabas something similar in himself about Willie Loomis.


WADWORTH: I understand that he may not have been the most superior underling in the course of matters, but have you considered that he was already rather abused to begin with?

BARNABAS: … a… a bit.

WADSWORTH: See anything similar in yourself there, sir?

BARNABAS: (regretfully) Oh… yes. I’m afraid I do.

WADSWORTH: Yes. So rather than concern yourself with him writing memoirs to betray you, don’t you think you might have put some credit in his way?


And in Episode 14 (still in production) what does Wadsworth express to Mr. Loomis about Barnabas Collins?


WADSWORTH: Well, if you ever wondered why he became so tragic, it might have been for the same reason that you did.


Is this ringing any bells with anyone? Is storytelling solely about conflict or something deeper? Is History all about war and suffering and politicians? On all counts, no. It’s about moral precepts, teaching us something. But what are our moral precepts of the day?

“That movie sucked so hard it could have whitened my carpet!”

Yep, a funny way of bashing something, or just outright bashing it entirely. This is the trap we are in right now. Dissing, bad-mouthing, deciding that our anal-retentive persnickety attitude passes for developed aesthetic taste. If we have something good to say it better be as rotten as we can make it.

But still we claim to be spiritual, trustworthy and downright good people. We hate bullies. We despise rudeness all the while being rude.

I have never been ruder in my entire life than since I came to know so many fans of Dark Shadows.

Collinsport

Was that because of the television program? No.

I was much nicer when I was watching it on my own and working on The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. I became rude when I got the silence, when I saw the bickering, when I saw the abuse-hungry control freaks. I watched the arguments and inaccurate statements of fans. I watched a woman be the worst thing she could ever be as she lashed out on people who enjoyed the 2012 film. Marina Sirtis commented that people were not accepting in the beginning of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”. I’ve been dying to tell her, “You think you had it bad? Check this shit out!”

What good is a fandom if the loud arrogant types silence the better behaved enjoyers of it?

What good are the teachings of spirituality if the followers don’t act on what was taught?

What good is The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows if no one is learning from the series but just downloading it like greedy schmucks?

What good is the internet, invented for communication, when we don’t use it to talk to each other?

What good are any of the stories we’re fed in books, movies, or television shows if we don’t learn from the examples they show?

They all basically say the exact same thing, “Do in life what you would regret not having done when you are facing death.”

tim to go

That’s my question. If Daryl Wor gets hit by a car tomorrow, what will you regret not having told her?