More commentary, audio editing for 14, and bad vibes…

There is currently up to enough for goal in commentary for Episodes 3 & 4 now. Still the day drags on into night as I watch download after download after download on so many sites from so many people. The best I can get is to send CDs to a few folks who don’t have the luxury of access to the radio drama, and ENDLESS discussion on facebook about either Dark Shadows, or ideas or posts or whatever thing facebook has decided will interest me when rarely any of it does.

That bloody overwhelming excess of Barnabas MUST love Julia or else was an unfortunate topic of discussion which lead to people ignoring almost any of Barnabas’ personal feelings as a character and giving me that newly acquired lashing rage. Knowing what I know now of why the people who saw what I saw as the natural result of relief for him are the shy, lonely types who want to find their kindred souls but can’t in a swirl of loud-mouthed ignorant types.

I can barely fathom the internal need these people have over demanding a fictional character, a major icon, of whose depth and complexity astounds even me, to love someone whose affections he did not reciprocate. I guess it just seethes at them in some way and has done for so many decades. Women’s lib gone sour? Some bad relationship they suffered through and Julia represents all of that hard work for a loser they got dumped on or by? And in all of it, I don’t just feel bad for him, I feel bad for her as well. Moreover I feel bad for all of the people I’ve either reached or am trying to reach who just became so fragmented in their loneliness over loving this guy altruistically, but not being able to discuss it with anyone in so long that the words are all but lost to them.

Meanwhile, as I went through finding chuckle-heads, I blocked a couple undesirables. I was told yet AGAIN, “I’m sure plenty of people read your fanfiction, Daryl.”

I said, “READ?! It’s in AUDIO? How many times must I express that?”

Then I put up the links YET AGAIN to podomatic and iTunes. I swear so many of these invalidating people just wipe the proof from their minds. *snort* I’m sure they would since they continue to twist the idea into some formation of who Barnabas SHOULD love. The very idea that anyone SHOULD love anyone or anything sickens me. Real or fictional. I suppose therein lies the self-imposed blindness to my obvious audio links. Some fricken gratitude for the hardest work I have ever done.

(By the way, I’m sorry if you’re reading this Helena, but word to the wise, don’t come to facebook. I love our relationship just the way it is. And I know you love the pairing but you’ve certainly proven far more versatile in thoughts and discussion than truckloads of people I’ve had to deal with.)

Ray of hope! A lady reading through all of that saw the links and became incredibly excited! I was nearing tears with her gratitude to me and her validation that it was audio and that she liked it and that she was downloading several episodes with vibrant interest, as well as kindness towards me. I hope we continue on a promising path. And then I blocked a couple other people who weren’t so nice, but hey, that’s what the block function is for. A couple women came to me in confidence and desired to know what this block function was. I was happy to tell them. They’ve been wonderful to me.


I got on the phone with the delightful Gary and we penned out what he’d written in his notes for Episode 4, having done the same thing previously with Episode 3. He enjoyed Episode 4 even more and had so much to say! It was marvelous!

Gary Review ep 4

Ahhh! That brings Episode 4 to goal. I just sent him episode 5 and 6 which have been much neglected. Then there is Warren whose safety I pray for. There are others but so far it seems a pretty even split on good chats from both men and women. Then Steve, who as far as I know isn’t a listener of the work, keeps making all kinds of overlays of photos. He, I, and the new lady I found had a wonderful discussion. I asked him if I could use one for my 13th Episode. I said it’s close to this one but I must have it elsewhere. We’ll see if we can find it. Maggie is in colour and not black and white.

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It’s a little like this one but different. (She’s looking down and in a blue dress.) I think I just found it and I will have to tell him. He said he was glad I could make that kind of use out of it and that I needn’t have even asked if I could use it in that way. Well, after seeing folks get a little extreme about their fanwork, particularly visuals, I felt it was best. Either way the conversation was fantastic. I poked fun at myself for getting riled up and getting others riles up. Tough fandom this one! When I get notifications from other fandoms I feel a shock of relief!

The lines are the biggest pain this week. Everything was performed and inflected 3 to 6 times, at least with some lines. But don’t worry. I have eliminated the kick-back Professor Stokes and kept the “sexy” version someone helped me to decide on when Professor Stokes says, “You seem rather fulfilled Julia.” 😉

Strong Opinions and Explicit Content: When no one has anything good to say of Barnabas Collins, he’ll say it himself.

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I’d like to give some focus to all of the glowing reviews for “Margaret Josette Dupres” every couple of days, just to have something blessed to contemplate and show my appreciation.

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But first let’s look at one delightful oddity and a couple reviews that have no bearing on constructiveness. It truly sickens me that anyone who might be remotely concerned about Barnabas Colllins’ character for his own pleasure and happiness would post such thankless and thoughtless rot.

This means I deduce: 1) This is someone who is used to being unhelpful and opinionated, 2) Is intentionally being rude for no good reason, and 3) has no legitimate purpose in giving me a hard time.

Sorry, “guest”. I suppose you might have gotten me to vaguely believe these words had 80 glowing reviews not gotten in AHEAD of your sour ones. For the very first chapter I applaud the ability of Osheen Nevoy who is a master artist and understands both detail and the depth of characters. I had NEVER seen Barnabas Collins written in first person except in some poetry on occasion… and he sure as Hell wasn’t erupting with joy to finally have what he always wanted in those.

Osheen was impressed and said it did sound like him. It took me a while to realize how correct she was and to see how his character had truly possessed me to write his words. (After all the “signs” for The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows, really, couldn’t there be something more going on here?)

So for this sour reviewer there is a claim that I express more than is comfortable for readers. By whose standards? Did you see the rating? M = Mature, which you are not. My temper may go out of bounds at times but I have more than enough reason by now for it to do so. Barnabas nor Maggie, nor Wadsworth nor Sam Evans have ever let a vulgar word escape their pens. Those vulgar words that are NOT in this novel are usually in other material of this kind. Examples:

cock, tits, boobies, dick, fuck, shit, cum, cunt, etc.

You want that? You can get it in a LOT of places. My first draft of The Wedding Night (2nd chapter) was read by a heavy explorer of porn and she said it was NOTHING like she’d ever seen. (Neither Barnabas Collins nor Josette Dupres, whether reincarnated or otherwise, would express their love life using words as such were they to be so bold.)

Next we read:

“And what’s with the last line of this chapter? *whispering” Express yourself, don’t repress yourself…

Is that a character speaking or you giving advice to your readers? If you are a sex phone operator or therapist, this is not the appropriate place for such comments.”

Uh-huh… Again, didn’t see the comments by the other reviewers who were enjoying all of it and requesting more, nor the need to encourage the shyer type of readers. The SHY reviewers are VERY often the ones appreciating the darn thing. When it comes to Dark Shadows usual readers, and fans of this pairing especially, that was a fun way of encouraging them. There is a line below the end of the chapter and my author’s notes are often in italics.

“Weird. Dark Shadows was never about sex. And Maggie wasn’t Josette.”

Again, who is this? Not doing one’s homework, are we? What? Josette’s ghost just randomly pops out of Maggie later in the series for no reason at all? Maggie gets spacey about the earrings and dumps Joe Haskell because? Why was K.L.S. urged to come back and reprise her role? Must we wonder about things like this?

The reason no one wrote this story before is because they weren’t as complex as I am and often they were bullied by the very harsh and bossy type of Julia/Barnabas (or Angelique/Barnabas) fans I’ve researched and investigated for years. This is why I have a lot of ire towards these types. I’ve seen what they’ve done to everyone else and I won’t tolerate it. (Not to mention I think Julia Hoffman is kick-ass and deserves better treatment than pity after so many decades.)

Again I must be grateful for Tim Burton’s 2012 film. The pissier DS fans have been so busy with harping on that thing they never saw what I was doing and didn’t have a chance to attack me like they did people who came before me, as well as almost everyone going keyboard-less and doing nothing but sharing photos for the most part. (I claim no conspiracy is going on with the encouragement to keyboard-less-ness, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was something sinister halting our ability to fully communicate with each other.)

Now that we’ve eliminated the rude guest reviewer who did nothing helpful but prove my initial expectations, we move on to the happy oddity. Mmmm… ^_^

“I have, with abaiteadely furry, read through this story The goocrux parings that you present are invoke feelings of boaconic insecurities that manifests through the characters modgone tones. Well done, I say! Keep up the good work and keep sending good yonies! It is with great euneirophrenia that wait for the next chapter. I have been flat out like a lizard drinking and need to take time from my hellacious schedule to check out you pod casts. I anticipate that they will leave me feeling frubie.”

Part of this makes me look down at my own keyboard to see where this pleasant reviewer may have made some typewritten mis-steps. I have accepted it as absolute joy-unbound to the point where words were uncertain. I take it like Gomez Addams,

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“I’m not sure I understand exactly, but it’s wonderful!” ^_^

My other ideal is this is a college lass who just stowed her books away to enjoy her Summer Break. My deduction is one of the books she studied was James Joyce’s “Finnegan’s Wake”. I have managed to get through quite a bit of that book and enjoyed it thoroughly. The pictures of what was going on came into my mind and I’m not sure how but my now-husband was in his 4th year at the university and couldn’t comprehend how I made sense of it at the time. I must confess my DS + other fandom studies means my Joyce understanding is rather rusty. But I do recognize it.

(I’m just praying this is not a pal of mine who had a stroke and disappeared from his email account in the last few months. The word “frubie” reminds me a lot of him.)

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As for the above images? Yes, Nabokov is an inspiration and so is Lolita which I find fitting. The difference is “Margaret Josette Dupres” is consensual while Lolita is not. Still, Barnabas Collins has been arrogant, cruel, and monstrous. Perhaps in different ways than Humbert Humbert but the pieces fit. “The Whom of Many” chapter was very inspired by both Nabokov and Humbert’s tones in description. In “Margaret Josette Dupres” Barnabas Collins has every right to be a bit smug sometimes.

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sarah and barnabas

If you were treated as he’s been in all of that fanfiction? Tossed about and abused and his character screamed at by reviewers who shake their fists at the man and actually hate him… well, wouldn’t you like to find someone to speak in first person for you and tell them what you thought of all of that?

Sometimes I wince at Barnabas Collins for picking me to do it.

Then I compare our lives, look at him and say, “Of course. I don’t blame you, Old Man. After all that I’ve seen? You deserve it.”  ^_^

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Peace.

The saga continues…

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One scene of Episode 12 was finished in performance, but there are still a few that have to be done and the editing as well.

The worst of all of this work is when the communication comes it’s usually misconstrued into some other meaning than I had intended, even with the negotiating help of my husband who picked out better ways to describe what I mean. It’s a pity that Dark Shadows fans are so easy to offend. And then we have the gentler ones who already know this and for this reason do not communicate at all. For which I worry because I’m likely the one to listen the most. And I have done in private messages that turn out wonderful.

These quieter types are not so opinionated as to who should do what and why. They’re listeners, like me, and saw much worse in the fandom enough to learn to live in hope but keep their mouths shut. It’s the saddest of all as these are the types who could and do bring change for the better, but in current days louder = right to many. The quieter types tend see how others are feeling and don’t live in black and white tones. I have heard, “I love this relationship. Thank you for doing what I couldn’t do.”

It is no doubt a shock to see a creation of this pairing by someone as feisty and determined as those of the other pairings. “Oh my,” they may have reflected, “this is the behaviour of one of THOSE pairings types… but wait… she’s standing up for the one I see as making the most sense!” Confusion must have prevailed.

The only difficulty is in having to admit to not being in love in any way, shape or form, with Barnabas Collins. I keep having to point out it’s an empathy I have. I don’t have opinions of who he should be with. Like all Dark Shadows characters, I request from them “personally” and view their history toward what choices they themselves would make without invalidating anyone else’s.

This is why Angelique/Barnabas makes little sense. I’ve heard from gobs of fans that the intensity of her wrath on any innocent involved is far too much to be forgiven to the point of a workable marriage. But does this leave her out in the cold? Certainly not. That’s due to her own motives in desiring love and having gotten such rotten forms of it, one can see how she wouldn’t know how to handle rejection from someone who made a mistake. And it is a mistake many of us make, which is why I find people being so hard on Barnabas for this to be beyond my comprehension. Plenty an admired character has done far worse.

There is a solution for Angelique, of course, and it is one that delights people, at least visually. I haven’t seen it in much fanwork but when I do I’m happy to enjoy it thoroughly. My deductions were not far from an answer many had already. Besides, if you’ve seen my behaviour, you likely know I have plenty in common with Angelique. I’ve reacted similarly to such lack of support. My sense of remorse is far higher, but I attack the attachment to oblivious behaviour, not the people. Angelique has been more than peeved at those living in luxury and being so ungrateful for it, hasn’t she?

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Anyway, as the review pile for Margaret Josette Dupres grows I’m finding many people pleased and finally feeling able to say so. More what I like are the varying insights reviewers are bringing. It’s why I couldn’t stand for so much silence with “The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows”. How is one meant to orbit such a massive undertaking with only one vocal supporter who has only one viewpoint to offer in enjoyment? Five separate viewpoints of enjoyment would be sufficient, but the download numbers rise. Episode One is at about 570 on podomatic alone. Who are these people? For librivox work numbers like that don’t phase me… but this more personal, heartfelt and expensive production? [Noise of nervousness…]

The hunt for college DJs continues. The online world is so not geared for communication. And all the silence I received from the beginning frazzles me into sounding intimidating. I’m really just frustrated. I can only hope the short attention span of people makes them forget any ephemeral tirades. Or perhaps I’m keeping people company who otherwise have no one to listen to? Perhaps they’re lonely. But so am I.

Sadder still is how much my far away friends and few healthy family wanted to see me work artistically for ages and now that I have this their support is shallow for various reasons. So you don’t know all of the characters? That’s what the intros are for. So some of those intros show me sounding rankled? Well, wouldn’t you be if all of this happened to you? For a world in love with drama and political broo-ha, one wouldn’t expect such fear.

Perhaps it is as a rare visitor explained to me last weekend: “People look at what’s produced online and they don’t see human beings. They see a machine… it’s just a machine; no one is behind any of this. I’m the only one who’s real.”

Now that is scary.