Being ill and a little bummed

I’ve caught my husband’s cold… In that case it means we can be close again, and have been which was the best part. Nothing beats being achy all over and then soothed with tenderness during that kind of suffering together. Not too many coughs, enough to interrupt, but we carried on.

I’m looking over DS Episode 464 to try and listen to some Hoffman and Stokes lines and get their inflections reconfigured in my head. It was agreed if I’m doing their lines, having a cold might improve how it sounds. Hmm… maybe this isn’t the correct episode… I’m seeing some Tony & Carolyn date getting interrupted. Oh, all right, there is a proud moment for me now. I shan’t need to believe in this anymore as in The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows, Wadsworth already did away with that fooling around of Barnabas messing with Carolyn. Not quite the same but close enough to Sybil in Fawlty Towers saying, “Basil!” [SLAP!]

I think it’s easy for me to believe in The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows to take the place of all of this. Wadsworth has some serious control with plain sound reasoning but also dangling the carrot of what Barnabas wants: Josette. Promise Barnabas his Josette without asking for anything in return than being groovy with other people? Of course! Not like all the various twisted bargaining or blackmailing. Nope, Wadsworth doesn’t blackmail. He’s been down that road far too many times. ^_^

Wadsworth Looks UpOldHousenight

But why the “little bummed” you might ask? Well… I finally found the Munsters and Addams Family fan pages on facebook and I was accepted into about all of the groups, a couple even merged the two fandoms and I thought I’d finally had it made. I sent links to either when they’re fandom characters entered or the whole shipload of episodes imploring them that I was a comedienne in dire straits and to please let me know what they laughed at if they enjoyed the series. Then I got a whopping SEVENTY DOWNLOADS OVERNIGHT! Woo-hoo!

But did I hear anything? *sigh* No… This is a project that has thrown me into ribald hysterics from the humour, wishing, dying to share that with others in order to hear responses to what was enjoyed. The next day after all of those downloads? Like-click… like-click… Well… that’s better than nothing, right? *sigh* It is… it’s just… I dunno… COME ON! BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS! Someone please tell me they laughed at Better Homes & Gardens! [weeping chuckles] It’s just so sad…

And the worst of it is I know people enjoy it but it’s like The Marx Brothers, they liked finding out what made people laugh too. They’d test audiences when they went on tour. They were curious as to which audiences preferred what jokes. It would be great to know which fandoms enjoy which jokes, you know? Then MID tells me she heard that podomatic was having trouble getting comments so she didn’t bother. I tested that yesterday. I didn’t have a problem. I have so many avenues of communication I’ve opened. Is it all just so funny that it’s like the joke that kills people in that Monty Python sketch about how Germany was actually defeated? Is everyone choking to death?

Oh, okay good. Chapter 2 of Disk 50 at minute 27. There’s Julia… and Professor Stokes should be coming in at any second now. Dang, I got the order pretty good for not having the set when I was building up to my own 4th Episode. (The first three are really catch up, but good catch up.) I say some bonus characters like Wadsworth & Morticia get darker but I think Norman Bates actually got lighter! And Freddy Krueger got lighter, too! [laughing/coughing]

I don’t know if I can take Osheen’s advice about adding info that Willie released Barnabas from his coffin in Episode 13 when Barnabas confesses it’s his fault Maggie didn’t take to triggers of knowing who she was because he told off Josette’s spirit when he got home again. The text is getting close to 7,000 words with my adding in canonical needs. I dunno… What a pain. In any case I was glad that she inquired what I was doing to eliminate the confusion at a spirit being disembodied from it’s reincarnation. She mentioned the Egyptian soul having pieces and I’ve heard of that in various cultures. I’m not given anything definite and it’s driving me crazy because that’s likely the answer, but I’m not finding the tales themselves. Arg!

Currently I’m just ticked that more than half of the reason I don’t get support is so many people got hassled into going silent with 40 years of bullying about who this guy loves in the fandom! Stealing the laughs from this hard-worker from the time she was born. I can sure get it out to people but Heaven knows if I’ll ever hear it back. The download numbers scare me.

Anyway, the intro to Episode 13 is done:

Coughing and nose-blowing,


Creating The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. (Yes, it’s a pain in the arse.)

Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows logo

Now that the genesis of this project has been squared away there is a ton of hard work coming into unravel a complex series like Dark Shadows. On to how the bonus characters fit in as well. I’d wanted to put something together like this mixture since I was little anyway, here is the perfect platform. 

There is a Star Trek fiction online called “Star Tricked: The Next Perpetration.” It’s in radio script and tends to get rather vulgar but is quite funny none the less. My cousin found it and did the performing himself with music and sound effects only using cassettes I could lend him. Sadly some of the best material is taped over to re-use the cassettes. This is also a multi-fandom story which incorporated OS Star Trek, Next Generation characters, Star Wars characters, Lost In Space characters and almost anything in the realms of outer space. Hilarious. Hence the best way to fit in so much? Use radio format. Perhaps hosts can explain scene switches, so who do we use?

Sir Simon Milligan and Manservant Hecubus from The Pit of Ultimate Darkness skits via Kids In The Hall. They’re spooky and goofy and can use updated slang.

1954 and a character at a place called Hill House off of route 41: Wadsworth.  Well, either Miss Scarlet did it or Mrs. Peacock did. Either way it doesn’t matter. The third ending of Clue didn’t make sense to me. Willie Loomis is at Wyndcliff so perhaps Barnabas could get it into his head to find a nicer way of hiring a replacement without all of the stress. Put out an ad and see what happens. I’ve likely watched the film “Clue” fifty times. I also looked around and found most of the movie script in PDF format. I’ve written down more for future references to the film.

The parapsychologist group from Poltergeist? Whoops wrong time period, but whatever. This show has time-travel, right? Still, I did request a 1960’s sports score for Ryan to express: “The Jets just beat the Colts 16 to 7!” Slimer and the Ghostbusters? Wrong time period again but with Wadsworth around one never knows what the heck is going on other than him. Slimer seemed a prime candidate to give David Collins some mischief and rifle through the Collinwood kitchen. Poor Mrs. Johnson. For Sir Simon Milligan’s joke, “Little do they notice the hulking van that’s sped in the other direction, nor the 1959 Cadillac Miller-Meteor following close behind it bearing the license plate: Ecto-1. It has often been suggested to me that citizens of Collinsport have no peripheral vision.”

Yes, I did the research on the Ghostbusters famous automobile.

Victoria Winters trip back from 1795? There ain’t no WAY I’m gonna reformulate that without references to “The Time Machine”, which I’ve watched about fifty times, too, as well as in repertoire theaters. Hey, we got a 1960’s thing going on now. Let’s keep it that way.

Willie isn’t around to give Maggie the earrings so Wadsworth does it instead, but his intention is to bring out that past life memory with a trigger of something Josette had that hadn’t been involved in Maggie’s kidnapping. 

The Golden Girls? I’ve watched it like crazy and there is that reference to it on The Kids In The Hall. A 1960’s younger Sophia can hang out with Mrs. Johnson and take Adam home with her to Brooklyn. Sophia does curses, she’s pretty dark in her own little way. Whoops, a little more of the modern with “Twin Peaks”, bah, Victoria can time-travel, no big deal. Throw in a Lara Parker/Laura Palmer joke. The gist of this is to let Victoria and Peter escape Colllinsport only to find all these other places to be just as bad if not worse.

The Dream Curse? Who’s going to handle that? Ah, Freddy Krueger, Mr. Dream-Curse himself. Did the research on him, too. Apparently it WAS cats claws that inspired his bladed-glove! So a previous life as Mrs. Johnson’s cat? Okie dokie.

What author’s work could Roger be reading to get over Cassandra? Okay, Mr. Fix-It Dale Carnegie. That’s old and well-known.

And the BIG need for this: Saving Sam Evans. Well, I stumbled on this one as the 2012 movie came out and everyone went BERZERK over it in multiple different ways. It gave me a version I liked considering Josette came back as a reincarnation which was what I was doing already. Ah, they saw what I saw. Well, that’s a comfort. (Another is people have been so angry at it any pairings bullying missed me because everyone’s been too busy harping on it. Nice distraction.)

But Sam… Oh… what can I do? I don’t know why but I decided to look at “The Ghost & Mrs. Muir” television program. WOW! This is pretty good! Oh, I know the lady who plays Martha! Wow. SAY, a portrait of The Captain, little kids with sticky fingers, Sam is a painter and Angelique’s portrait is why Sam gets hurt, SWITCH THE PORTRAITS! Tony & Carolyn can go on a date to Schooner Bay. HURRAY!

Meanwhile Wadsworth can make that weirder by letting out his Frank N Furter side. Okay, get the lyrics. How’s that going to go down?


Research on Josette’s music box tune. Who wrote it? Hmm, there were two versions? WOW! One was used on The Prisoner TV Show? The episode is “Dance of The Dead”. Let’s throw in a dream about that for Barnabas Collins. Hmm, was Folgers coffee around back then? Yep. (I wonder if it really is “Mountain Grown” or is that just a fancy trademark now?) Crap, when did Captain Gregg die? Shoot! How does he know Andre Dupres? Oh, okay as a ghost. Excellent.

Norman Bates… *sigh* not a lot of stuff on wikipedia, let’s try IMDB. Okay, the town is Fairvale and it is in California, as are The Addams Family from what I can find. All right, as soon as Victoria and Peter hang out with The Addams Family long enough they’ll freak out and run from there, too… wait… no. The Addams Family are actually nice. And they’re helpful, too! HEY! Good spot for Victoria to get help finding out about her past! SWEETNESS! And maybe Peter Bradford can get help being Peter Bradford in name officially and not yucky Jeff Clark! Those Addams’ have gobs of money.

Here comes Nicholas Blair and what we’ve all been waiting for: slamming the door in his mustachioed face! Tony & Carolyn’s romance will put a hard to conceal smile on Elizabeth’s face recalling an old paramour she had. But who went with her on this trip in which she might have given birth to Miss Winters? Research and watch a ton of The Munsters. Bleh, not another Herman being doofus episode… Ah… Lily… Mmm… and they do chemistry and inventing in that house. Lily could easily be a cousin that experimented with her looks once upon a time. Now when was Victoria Winters born? Ah, right around World War II. So who could our Mystery Man be? A soldier…That would separate the lovers, wouldn’t it? ^_^

*Sigh* This is a long wait for poor Willie. That nut-house could get uninteresting. What could he spend his time doing? Learning calligraphy. And who would encourage him with that? The ever helpful Professor Stokes, which gives him and Dr. Julia Hoffman some time to spend together. 

Ugh… The Blue Whale’s shortage of tunes on the jukebox… oh HEY! Why am I thinking of “Sleepwalk” by Santo & Johnny? Because it’s similar! No vocals! Same time period! Groovy! Hmm, how long ago did they use car radios for the audio at Drive-In movie theaters? Looked that up, yep that long ago. Now which dumb surf-picture do Tony & Carolyn go to? Hey! What’s this “Monterey Pop” movie? Ooo… close to the same year, but… screw it! *I* want to go to a Drive-In and make out to this movie! Perfect for a date! 

Now where is some damning evidence that Maggie is Josette? Ugh, what kind of cargo did people use in 1795? Okay, what sailing routes did they take from Martinique to Maine? Go with The Dominica Channel. Phew… how many reincarnation documentaries and articles do I need to go through? 

Hey, Caleb Collins? What’s up? Hmm, died in 1872 and was a hording recluse let’s look at the older story lines of Dark Shadows and see what you were hiding out from-GOOD NIGHT, IRENE! Yowza. Okay, fair enough. You’re likely ticked-off as hell at living and being a ghost through all of this mess! Jiminy Christmas! 

Now why did Sarah’s ghost leave? Because Barnabas wasn’t being good. Well, he is now. She can come back. Why not?

I doubt Dr. Watson would claim this was all absurdly simple, but if he did Sherlock Holmes would scoff, “Everything is absurdly simple once it’s been explained.”

And this is just the TEXT version I’m talking about, not the audio and podcast which is an even bigger and more expensive pain.

And dang, this Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows is funny! Hmm… so why aren’t people laughing? I have no evidence that they are. After all of this hard work? What’s the problem?

Crap… the romantic pairingsUGH! Look at all of this side-taking and bullying toward nice folks who would enjoy this. They’ve all been silenced by that and the way the internet comes to them to not be communicative over enjoyment. 

Now I have these other people arguing with me about the pairings since they couldn’t be arsed to listen to the intros and see where it was obviously going. So not only is all this hard work to find my people put into a state of horror, the manipulative people are coming out and saying negative crap.




The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows

The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows

Essentially a condensed Re-write from a particular point, to tie up loose ends and pair up everyone. Positive feedback, including laughter, can be sent to (Send a message for the info to which episodes apply to the different characters if you only want those specific bits. It has gotten rather wildly Multi-fandom. Just leave a comment to the email address listed asking for which you’d like.)

So far the fandoms are: Dark Shadows, The Kids in The Hall, Clue (Wadsworth), The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, The Addams Family, Bewitched, The Munsters, Psycho, and cameos with Slimer, Norman Bates, Dr. “Hawkeye” Pierce, and hopefully in the future a large role with Dr. Who.