Picking Up The Pieces…

(((Deep Breath)))

Well, with the final needed commentary of up to five chunky responses per episode (not that I don’t encourage shorter ones else where) and the release of Episode 14: Reunion At The Old House, I’m beginning to finally soothe my wounds. Strangers met in various spots and a trickle of old friendships renewed are showing me the world of thoughtfulness and caring has not entirely come to an end.

I never could believe being an online entertainer would bring so much grief, but it sure has. I see people who are capable in the daily complexities of human life get online and become vegetation when it concerns anything positive. The general hail attitude of “social” networks is really the most depressing thing I’ve witnessed. The facade of showing off enjoyable vacations to people who aren’t allowed to go on one is incredibly detrimental. Moreover it’s gross to see the fading of positive discussion revert to “clicks” and “shares”. What does this leave us? The negative discussion. People won’t stop complaining about the tiniest aspects. And when they complain about entertainment as if it’s out there wielding a sword toward their soul, something that is imbibed by choice, I must wonder if they are aware they have any choice about it.

Still, I came home from my Halloween celebration and realized it was time. My sweetheart didn’t take up too much of the bandwidth in the house and Episode 14 was all ready and waiting to lend itself to ears unknown. Rather quick reaching iTunes too. I had it transferred in almost no time. I was gratefully listening in and fell asleep with it playing. My love affair with Willie Loomis may continue after all. ❤

Of course, the wisdom Wadsworth brings still touches me after all of this time. It’s as if I am Willie Loomis and Wadsworth has made tea for me and explains, “You know you’ve hardly been treated very well and you likely got the idea that such behaviour was both normal and natural.” Wadsworth is right. I even gloried in so many like-clicks once upon a time. That glory was short-lived but I made an acceptance briefly that clicks were just peachy. They never were and they never will be. It’s a way of whittling down the positive to an emptiness so shallow we couldn’t even see what it did to us.

And here I am having become a monster myself. Having a temper about technical aspects, like files not loading right, or a character voice not coming out as well as I would like (Alan Alda’s “Hawkeye” is a major pain!) is one thing. But to be told repeatedly on the aspect of silence and clicks that “this is just the way things are” is anathema to a grieving soul. I feel as if I was shouting the soonest and the loudest and now? Several people have approached me about “social” networks and saying,

“God! This is so stupid!”

“This is empty. I’ve never met any of these people and we never talk to each other.” 

“I can’t believe I spent five hours last night clicking a bunch of worthless crap.”

“I don’t touch that thing. If my brother can’t be bothered to call his own sister or our mother on the telephone then I don’t see much love there at all.”

“Yeah, Facebook. It’s a bunch of s****y people saying a bunch of s*****y things.”

“Why the heck am I staring at still shots of Gomez Addams when I could be watching the man?”

“I can’t take it anymore! I have to get off this thing and SEE SOMEONE!”

“I miss doing all the things that I love like reading, writing, visiting people or viewing my favorite shows and movies.”

“When did I decide that being completely alone in my apartment all of the time without really contacting anyone was how life was meant to be lived?”

“What is the point of a social network when all anyone does is click with nothing added?”

“I feel like my brain died for two years.”

Okay, it’s not just me. However I will venture to say I feel the suffering more than most. When you’re looking for insight and laughs from an entertainment product you never could have dreamed you could create while everyone has gone into a hypnotic realm of only speaking up when there is something negative and only clicking or lurking when there is something they enjoy? Well… you have what I have become: A monster, and the kind of monster Barnabas Collins was ashamed to be. His love for his friends and family is so deeply felt he had little choice but to wallow in some sense of evil, then back-pedal when he acclimated to a new set of loved ones. The depth of his character is beyond remarkable.

Dark Shadows fandom is likely the hardest thing to make a relief series for in this time of technological confusion and disconnect with people. If The Addams Family fans encouragement, and The Ghost & Mrs. Muir’s gentler aspect didn’t exist I’m not sure where on earth I could have ended up. Worse than this? Another victim of suicide? Thankfully, enough people spoke up just when I needed them most and spoke up with fury at the negativity they witnessed, both in their lives and about characters they loved. And they all finally said the same thing, “You don’t deserve this, Daryl. You’re a human being with feelings. Not an entertainment machine.” Bless you, yes. And may I add, “Aren’t we all?”

Perhaps this is another reason why the extremists of Dr. Hoffman pushing the issue with her unrequited love for Barnabas Collins became so severe. Unrequited love feels neglect very strongly. What time in our history would it have been stronger than right now? Many of these people are angry at not getting the attention they need, not feeling heard, even some Angelique extremists are in that same boat. Now would be the time to go ape-s**t on strangers from a sense of losing loved ones to their becoming robots everywhere they look. Why not go crazy on a fictional character and those who adore him for himself?

Plus these people have the most to lose because they managed to sway public opinion about who he loves or should love due to the pile up of story after story previously written. Who would have thought so many fans would ever be able to watch Dark Shadows in its entirety again? But now it’s happening. People see 1795 and mourn Barnabas’ losses. Fans re-watch and re-discover who had what feelings for whom. And they ask, “What was I reading all of that time? I’m not seeing and hearing the same people on this screen.” It must be heart-breaking and confusing as Hell.

(The speculation and insinuation about the actors is even more grotesque. I never, ever wished to bother them. They have their own lives just as we all do. And I can’t contemplate the merest desire of stalking the memory of dead people to sway anyone’s opinion beyond taking what they expressed at face value. Tabloid newspapers and magazine columnists have much to answer for in fixating our minds to this excess merely to make money.)

I recall Walter Koenig expressing that Star Trek was the science-fiction of his life because it had so little bearing on who he was as a person. This is one of the reasons I am so expressive with my own life to make sure no one is getting the wrong idea about me. Short attention spans don’t help this much, but that’s likely the reason Providence put this blog-writing into my perspective. It can be read repeatedly until some blasted humanity finally sinks in with someone and for keeps.

I have been given a plethora of gifts and extraordinary talent in a time when it’s not wanted enough to be appreciated well by those who enjoy it. The focus is to only discuss the negative right now, minus a precious few people out there. When that is the focus and that is the constant exposure the result creates a very impolite demon out of someone. Rather than encourage those who have something better to offer, the general online public prefers to insult and badmouth in great detail anything they even remotely dislike online. It hasn’t just made me “insane”, the constant attitude has made many others just as foul themselves. (My mind is still reeling at so many hateful reviews about “The Time Machine” movie that came out in 2002! Sheesh! Did that hurt anyone other than the poor women playing The Morlocks???)

So here we are in The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. I never knew that title would be so damned fitting! It sure speaks volumes during this dreadful age of online negativity. I’ve had pen pals, on paper, express to me, “Is everyone just socially inept or psychotic?! Dear Heavens! I see name-calling and spiteful words on book reviews or at the people who loved the books!”

But this begs the question: Where are the people who aren’t psychotic nor socially inept?

They exist outside the online world. Some of them only show these tendencies when they “plug-in”. Phone calls and voice chats show me people who are very different from what they type. Extremely different in fact. This was the purpose in making the darn postcards, really. (I still don’t understand why so many people online tried to dissuade me from doing that.) Hence the need for places like… the library… the churches… community centers… Not all of them are the perfect fit for anyone but choice and differences are still available. Some of these people rarely “plug-in”. Actually, some are planning to go from smart-phone to flip-phone so they feel they won’t be getting constant notifications about what people are posting anymore. Quality time for themselves.

In this frightful journey of excessive peaks and valleys I discovered I am sure a whole lot smarter and wiser than I was ever given credit for. I also discovered chat rooms still exist, THANK GOD! A stream of typed discussion, even in abbreviations is un-clickable. Really gets me out of that awful habit sometimes. Some chatters apologize for their typos and I tell them, “No. It’s okay. I can speak typo! I understand what you’re saying. It’s clicks and silent numbers and memes and cartoon stickers I don’t understand. I can’t really speak meme or link. I just can’t comprehend those languages most of the time.”

I also discovered other avenues of social activity are still alive and kicking. Coronet Instructional Films may be cheesy, but “What To Do On A Date” makes a good point to this day, even in simple friendships. Claims one only uses Facebook for pictures can easily be compartmentalized in places like pinterest, instagram, or snapchat. And quieter social networks without pinging notifications are used by many, they’re just quieter is all. They don’t make noises like they are constantly ringing your doorbell.

However, Colonel Mustard in the film Clue does have this to say,

“Now there is still one thing I don’t understand.”

I suppose I’ll have to respond as Professor Plum does:

One thing?

One Step at A Time

Winston

Phew… I remember this being a pain in the hiney. Having to provide all of the Sir Simon Milligan & Manservant Hecubus’ cheering and applause. It’s so hard to believe how long I’ve been working on this thing and how marginal the (known) enthusiasm for it has been. That’s why I speculate The Powers The Be feeling perfectly swell that shy folks with a desire for better things and the creativity for change are sapped into not finding their people and content in the idea that like-clicks are the best form of support. I have to wonder about these things.

There is a gross amount of negativity, especially in the world of entertainment. Much that is entertainment now is practically free, but the kind that gets more attention is what we have to pay a lot for. That’s why I’d like to support what I do like. I was shocked the other day to go to IMDB for the 2010 Alice In Wonderland film and find a slew of angry messages beneath it. I had no idea that film had outraged anyone. One person asked, “Why is everyone hating so much?” The response came, “Because no one is satisfied with anything and that’s all people can do is hate on stuff.” Pretty much!

So I only post a few of my blog entries on to facebook to share. This one I have no plans to share anywhere but here. I asked the things that move me, “Willie’s coming back again. What are we going to do now?”

One scene per day. That is your only goal from now on. One scene a day. Which means today’s scene is Barnabas and Julia yelling at each other over why he loves Josette and how disgusted with himself as if to say, “Maggie Evans is Josette Dupres? Well, I feel like a big prig. She’ll never forgive me for all I’ve done to her, and I’m not going to forgive myself! Screw it! I’m throwing it all away.”

Then we’ve got Wadsworth and Willie, Then Josette and Andre as Maggie and Sam. I added more to that because I wanted it well understood that they both knew their own histories, recognizing, “You know, Barnabas really didn’t want to be such a crazy jerk. Someone we knew did him wrong, she did us wrong, she did everyone wrong, and that long a time cooped up could make any person batty.” Just addressing that there is more to it than Barnabas and Josette, there are reasons behind it. And that’s what I found in the people who finally came to me and saw that this was the crux of the puzzle. Why it was harped against by fans for so long is intensely sinister in scope, and many of the new official creations that came after Dark Shadows went off the air supporting that popularity against it, that creeps me out as well.

Next there is the scene with Caleb, Elizabeth and Lily, Stokes and Hoffman on the phone, Morticia and Victoria, and the wind up crazy car driving scene that gives it that climactic air. One scene a day if I can.

I got some more misconstruing on tumblr but at least the person responding was trying. There was a whole lot of anger spewing out which is odd because it was under the regard that I’m shoving stuff down people’s throat. Did freedom of choice lose out entirely? Why go hunting down things I’ve written and getting all bent out of shape about them? If someone wants to help, having a bitch-fest with others isn’t going to provide much. But it’s like I told her: I’m worried about lower comprehension in people. And the other creators have been far more understanding. They strive for details and we understand each other in that. One of my readers said, “I had no trouble at all with Margaret Josette Dupres. If something seemed off I would have told you.”

But why did I start any of this? The idea seems to be Barnabas/Josette for days. Well, folks responded to that material in droves so more came out. People don’t respond to the radio drama so much so less comes out. But why any of it? Not for Barnabas/Josette…

sam and bill

Sam Evans

And as seen on the left, why did Osheen begin her work? Bill Malloy. For me I wanted what it would be like for everything to work out and for Sam to remain, hearty and healthy. And I looked for what I wanted. No one had created it. Osheen looked for what she wanted. No one had created it. And she works in theatre too, channels Bill Malloy very well. From what I’ve seen gets everyone down fabulously. I hadn’t seen that in the fan work I’d combed through. Same with Magical Irish Dolphin. In ways she’s looking to improve things. I hadn’t seen that before either.

Helena signed on January 2013. Osheen has been there a long time but it was for other stories that did remarkably well in other fandoms. She didn’t start her Bill Malloy story until December 2013. Mad Margaret joined September of 2012. I showed up at the site February 2012, though I’d combed it longer. I also had a hard time reaching it with bad equipment and after all I’d combed through in feelings of further despair? I hardly was up for reading anything new! ecinspired “The Third Option” was a shock to find.

I’m hoping those radio stations air the program. Perhaps some already have. All I know is things are settling down. Some said they were too busy to send commentary due to the Summer time. Now? We have three holidays in a row coming up. Well, if they want more someday they can have it. I’ll focus on the radio stations.

Perhaps no one but me will enjoy more episodes from The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. It looks as though everyone is content with 12 episodes and the post marriage novel and helping me out on facebook for more information in accuracy about the program. If a radio station gets enough call for it and reaches episode 12, I can mail them episode 13 and more. I think I’ve spent enough money, explained myself enough times very specifically, that a few people might get it.

But if they don’t?

Well, they keep saying, “Do it for you.”

In which case I will. There is no reason to give to an audience that won’t express what they want or like. I hear some good and some bad about the intros. But either way I don’t hear much.

“So, Daryl”, The Muse, finally says, “Do it for the characters and do it for yourself.”

“All right,” I tell her, “Sure… Which means there is no reason to share it, right?”

The Muse smiles at me, “No… no reason at all.” ^_^


One scene a day, then music and sound effects. Episode 13 of The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows will be finished, saved to various drives, burned to CDs and won’t be uploaded anywhere. Then I’ll work on Episodes 14, 15, 16, 17, and 18 that I see vaguely in the distance one day with Sam driving out to the Stephens home since Captain Gregg’s attempt there didn’t go down so well.

A person who really loves my work gave up on Dark Shadows… I think it was that desire for an upswing that just never happened… We’re still friends, amazing friends, pen pals. She’ll still get the episodes when she wants them… by mail.

A helper of mine asked, “How could anyone give up on Dark Shadows?”

I answered, “Because they loved the characters and things kept getting worse for them. With some the conflict is all that matters. With others, such as myself, that longing extends to a creative force for change. As you may witness on some of these fanpages many try to sort out all of the problems, as human minds are developed to try. But Dark Shadows goes in so many directions a staggering array of preferences and opinions fly about, and much like debates in the political arena, ‘full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.’ But those who give up had that longing to make a new fiction world that resolved things. The problem was, again, DS goes in so many directions. Me? I’d studied a million fandoms prior to Dark Shadows, and as a wee tom-boy I’d always wanted a story incorporating all of these spooky characters. The complexity of my life? It made it possible for me to absorb all the characters AND add more. (And this is likely why, at least for romantic pairings sake, I have had to hunt down the people who wanted my work. They weren’t coming to fanfiction.net. They’d given up a long time ago.)”

Also, you get to a point where you’re spending so much money and feeling worse you finally figure, “I think I’d rather have the money instead.”

For me? I’ll hopefully find some money somewhere after all of this since I’ve spent so much. But there is no reason to lose my life and that would likely happen if Willie Loomis comes back and gets more silence. I channeled him last October and he was angry right along with me, wildly angry. I cared about his needs and wants and we showed that together last October. So far as he and I could see, no one cared enough about that or either of us. So we found each other. We raved together. We are angry together, and by holding it all back from the creeping silent, we protect each other.

Willie scared

The tenderest in my adopted nursery, Willie Loomis.