Picking Up The Pieces…

(((Deep Breath)))

Well, with the final needed commentary of up to five chunky responses per episode (not that I don’t encourage shorter ones else where) and the release of Episode 14: Reunion At The Old House, I’m beginning to finally soothe my wounds. Strangers met in various spots and a trickle of old friendships renewed are showing me the world of thoughtfulness and caring has not entirely come to an end.

I never could believe being an online entertainer would bring so much grief, but it sure has. I see people who are capable in the daily complexities of human life get online and become vegetation when it concerns anything positive. The general hail attitude of “social” networks is really the most depressing thing I’ve witnessed. The facade of showing off enjoyable vacations to people who aren’t allowed to go on one is incredibly detrimental. Moreover it’s gross to see the fading of positive discussion revert to “clicks” and “shares”. What does this leave us? The negative discussion. People won’t stop complaining about the tiniest aspects. And when they complain about entertainment as if it’s out there wielding a sword toward their soul, something that is imbibed by choice, I must wonder if they are aware they have any choice about it.

Still, I came home from my Halloween celebration and realized it was time. My sweetheart didn’t take up too much of the bandwidth in the house and Episode 14 was all ready and waiting to lend itself to ears unknown. Rather quick reaching iTunes too. I had it transferred in almost no time. I was gratefully listening in and fell asleep with it playing. My love affair with Willie Loomis may continue after all. ❤

Of course, the wisdom Wadsworth brings still touches me after all of this time. It’s as if I am Willie Loomis and Wadsworth has made tea for me and explains, “You know you’ve hardly been treated very well and you likely got the idea that such behaviour was both normal and natural.” Wadsworth is right. I even gloried in so many like-clicks once upon a time. That glory was short-lived but I made an acceptance briefly that clicks were just peachy. They never were and they never will be. It’s a way of whittling down the positive to an emptiness so shallow we couldn’t even see what it did to us.

And here I am having become a monster myself. Having a temper about technical aspects, like files not loading right, or a character voice not coming out as well as I would like (Alan Alda’s “Hawkeye” is a major pain!) is one thing. But to be told repeatedly on the aspect of silence and clicks that “this is just the way things are” is anathema to a grieving soul. I feel as if I was shouting the soonest and the loudest and now? Several people have approached me about “social” networks and saying,

“God! This is so stupid!”

“This is empty. I’ve never met any of these people and we never talk to each other.” 

“I can’t believe I spent five hours last night clicking a bunch of worthless crap.”

“I don’t touch that thing. If my brother can’t be bothered to call his own sister or our mother on the telephone then I don’t see much love there at all.”

“Yeah, Facebook. It’s a bunch of s****y people saying a bunch of s*****y things.”

“Why the heck am I staring at still shots of Gomez Addams when I could be watching the man?”

“I can’t take it anymore! I have to get off this thing and SEE SOMEONE!”

“I miss doing all the things that I love like reading, writing, visiting people or viewing my favorite shows and movies.”

“When did I decide that being completely alone in my apartment all of the time without really contacting anyone was how life was meant to be lived?”

“What is the point of a social network when all anyone does is click with nothing added?”

“I feel like my brain died for two years.”

Okay, it’s not just me. However I will venture to say I feel the suffering more than most. When you’re looking for insight and laughs from an entertainment product you never could have dreamed you could create while everyone has gone into a hypnotic realm of only speaking up when there is something negative and only clicking or lurking when there is something they enjoy? Well… you have what I have become: A monster, and the kind of monster Barnabas Collins was ashamed to be. His love for his friends and family is so deeply felt he had little choice but to wallow in some sense of evil, then back-pedal when he acclimated to a new set of loved ones. The depth of his character is beyond remarkable.

Dark Shadows fandom is likely the hardest thing to make a relief series for in this time of technological confusion and disconnect with people. If The Addams Family fans encouragement, and The Ghost & Mrs. Muir’s gentler aspect didn’t exist I’m not sure where on earth I could have ended up. Worse than this? Another victim of suicide? Thankfully, enough people spoke up just when I needed them most and spoke up with fury at the negativity they witnessed, both in their lives and about characters they loved. And they all finally said the same thing, “You don’t deserve this, Daryl. You’re a human being with feelings. Not an entertainment machine.” Bless you, yes. And may I add, “Aren’t we all?”

Perhaps this is another reason why the extremists of Dr. Hoffman pushing the issue with her unrequited love for Barnabas Collins became so severe. Unrequited love feels neglect very strongly. What time in our history would it have been stronger than right now? Many of these people are angry at not getting the attention they need, not feeling heard, even some Angelique extremists are in that same boat. Now would be the time to go ape-s**t on strangers from a sense of losing loved ones to their becoming robots everywhere they look. Why not go crazy on a fictional character and those who adore him for himself?

Plus these people have the most to lose because they managed to sway public opinion about who he loves or should love due to the pile up of story after story previously written. Who would have thought so many fans would ever be able to watch Dark Shadows in its entirety again? But now it’s happening. People see 1795 and mourn Barnabas’ losses. Fans re-watch and re-discover who had what feelings for whom. And they ask, “What was I reading all of that time? I’m not seeing and hearing the same people on this screen.” It must be heart-breaking and confusing as Hell.

(The speculation and insinuation about the actors is even more grotesque. I never, ever wished to bother them. They have their own lives just as we all do. And I can’t contemplate the merest desire of stalking the memory of dead people to sway anyone’s opinion beyond taking what they expressed at face value. Tabloid newspapers and magazine columnists have much to answer for in fixating our minds to this excess merely to make money.)

I recall Walter Koenig expressing that Star Trek was the science-fiction of his life because it had so little bearing on who he was as a person. This is one of the reasons I am so expressive with my own life to make sure no one is getting the wrong idea about me. Short attention spans don’t help this much, but that’s likely the reason Providence put this blog-writing into my perspective. It can be read repeatedly until some blasted humanity finally sinks in with someone and for keeps.

I have been given a plethora of gifts and extraordinary talent in a time when it’s not wanted enough to be appreciated well by those who enjoy it. The focus is to only discuss the negative right now, minus a precious few people out there. When that is the focus and that is the constant exposure the result creates a very impolite demon out of someone. Rather than encourage those who have something better to offer, the general online public prefers to insult and badmouth in great detail anything they even remotely dislike online. It hasn’t just made me “insane”, the constant attitude has made many others just as foul themselves. (My mind is still reeling at so many hateful reviews about “The Time Machine” movie that came out in 2002! Sheesh! Did that hurt anyone other than the poor women playing The Morlocks???)

So here we are in The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. I never knew that title would be so damned fitting! It sure speaks volumes during this dreadful age of online negativity. I’ve had pen pals, on paper, express to me, “Is everyone just socially inept or psychotic?! Dear Heavens! I see name-calling and spiteful words on book reviews or at the people who loved the books!”

But this begs the question: Where are the people who aren’t psychotic nor socially inept?

They exist outside the online world. Some of them only show these tendencies when they “plug-in”. Phone calls and voice chats show me people who are very different from what they type. Extremely different in fact. This was the purpose in making the darn postcards, really. (I still don’t understand why so many people online tried to dissuade me from doing that.) Hence the need for places like… the library… the churches… community centers… Not all of them are the perfect fit for anyone but choice and differences are still available. Some of these people rarely “plug-in”. Actually, some are planning to go from smart-phone to flip-phone so they feel they won’t be getting constant notifications about what people are posting anymore. Quality time for themselves.

In this frightful journey of excessive peaks and valleys I discovered I am sure a whole lot smarter and wiser than I was ever given credit for. I also discovered chat rooms still exist, THANK GOD! A stream of typed discussion, even in abbreviations is un-clickable. Really gets me out of that awful habit sometimes. Some chatters apologize for their typos and I tell them, “No. It’s okay. I can speak typo! I understand what you’re saying. It’s clicks and silent numbers and memes and cartoon stickers I don’t understand. I can’t really speak meme or link. I just can’t comprehend those languages most of the time.”

I also discovered other avenues of social activity are still alive and kicking. Coronet Instructional Films may be cheesy, but “What To Do On A Date” makes a good point to this day, even in simple friendships. Claims one only uses Facebook for pictures can easily be compartmentalized in places like pinterest, instagram, or snapchat. And quieter social networks without pinging notifications are used by many, they’re just quieter is all. They don’t make noises like they are constantly ringing your doorbell.

However, Colonel Mustard in the film Clue does have this to say,

“Now there is still one thing I don’t understand.”

I suppose I’ll have to respond as Professor Plum does:

One thing?

Episode 16: Building a New Episode…

The download numbers continue to rise to the point it makes me almost batty with so much silence in response… Then among various people on social networks there is this idea that I have become many fans baby-sitter. Why? Basic online fandom bickering. If someone was blazoning my name in terms of being some amazing DS creator or something in response to someone else? That would be grounds for me to start baby-sitting fans. They’re not, though. They’re just making trouble for each other that has nothing to do with me or my work. My work is too scary to discuss minus maybe 4 people these days. Meh…

Personal counsel I like though, as well as need. In fact, I can’t figure out how all y’all reading these blogs and listening to the podcast aren’t starving for talk. I’d be starving for it, and have been… Things on a one-to-one basis, discussion about the characters involved here. Got some great help yesterday from a Munsters fan about Lily, Grandpa and if they can see themselves in mirrors…

Grandpa mirror

That would be a yes, folks! Thank ye, sir!

So Lily’s mention of a mirror has had to be altered but only slightly. The witticism in conversation still remains.

Now for the basics… this is pretty much a note to myself sometimes. I am trying so hard to keep it down to 6,000 words for the audio timing but it’s really tough.

The scenes are:

1) Milligan & Hecubus’ intro and opener.


2) Dr. Hoffman, Professor Stokes and… Dr. “Hawkeye Pierce”. (Which bleeds into a scene involving Tom Jennings and Caleb Collins.)


3) Vampire Angelique finally reaches The Old House to confront Barnabas and… “Crap, there are a lot of people here! This isn’t working out so well. Who is this new butler, again? What’s up with the blond guy? Uh-oh… there’s that little girl I messed with via voodoo when she was alive… Not good… “


4) Next we have Maggie and Sam wandering in to discuss what they overheard with Barnabas and Angelique. This will need more work, too. A wonderful new help-mate reminded me of scenes with Kitty Soames in 1897. As Josette’s reincarnation she did visit Jeremiah’s grave for a heart-to-heart and explanation of having been tricked into marriage with him. Which means I have to go through those again and ask Maggie what she knows as a reincarnation of both at this point. That’s the homework involved in this production.


*5) Lily & Elizabeth pack for England… very sweet, but I’d like to find a way to get them out the door before this scene ends. Or maybe something that would keep them out of the house by Episode 17. (Happy for a suggestion here. Passports are done. Customs? Luggage tags? Tickets? We’re in 1968 as far as I can figure out at this point.)


6) Maggie Evans goes to speak to the ghost of Caleb Collins in his house. She feels he’s likely the person to come up with a solution for the most recent problem. Caleb knows Maggie well, in fact he knows a lot about what’s been going on with her and confesses to his responsibility of a few things himself, past and present.


7) Back in Dr. Hoffman’s office a certain Professor Stokes has his own confessions to make, if a little impatiently. 😉


8) Barnabas is sitting near the fire contemplating the current woes with Vampire Angelique. All seems lost, until a small and grizzled voice begins speaking to him from parts unknown.


And here is my trouble. One more scene, a cliffhanger scene should fit in there to finalize Episode 16. I can type it up but that would be coming in sharply back to 7,000 words at this point. *sigh* Maybe I can’t escape that.

Again, the listening comes in. When I go over the drafts I see words characters wouldn’t say and have to alter that, whether it’s form of expression or mention of something. Then one last step before total alteration:

The demo…

I have not done a demo for The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows with my husband since Autumn of 2013. But I realize now it’s a key component in building episodes. The listening of the read shows anything good or anything that needs to be changed. Does it sound like everyone? Was there something in the text I didn’t notice because I was reading silently rather than listening? That’s where the tandem of text and audio brings a truer form. Many people listen to audio books now because their mind will wander when reading text. (For others it’s the opposite, hence I make both available.)

Still, I have no idea when this work will be publicly available. People seem to want it but they’re tongue tied about it. Looks like many are mentally capable enough to download an episode, hook it up to an mp3 player, listen and then? I don’t know… I’ve rarely ever known what happens. I don’t get told. I get like-clicked, I get random “friend requests” on Facebook (I feel that site has wounded the word friend.) I get hundreds of numbers a week even though I haven’t released a radio drama episode in six months… and?

I am told I should be happy.

How?

Why?

I’m entertaining gobs of people and I’m hearing virtually nothing about that.

I’m getting hated and harassed.

I’ve managed to garner neglect from people who enjoy my work.

I receive memes and share files as well as notifications in like-clicks that have no commentary to report.

Invitations for group pages flood me with distractions galore and makes simply using networks to really talk to people a nuisance. I’m trying to create something substantial here and even the people who love it make it even harder to create, however easy I’ve made that communication and let myself be available. Why is all of this supposed to make me a happy person? Why?


Why do people become suicidal?

Because very often they feel battered, unloved, and uncared for.

Because, theoretically, it’s only after one is dead that their ghost will finally hear how people felt.

Telling people what you like about them, what you enjoy about their company, the details of good things? That is, for some cursed reason, only something people do after someone dies. Look at what comes from celebrity deaths: That’s when the words spring out. For some reason death becomes the purpose in which the living finally speak.

With that knowledge? Who wouldn’t want to die?

Just to find out, after ages of wondering, what you truly meant to someone…

cemetery_by_satibalzane-d5950v5

Bloody Amplification… (More on Episode 15 & 16)

11206103_10155549564710173_1718425019649644692_n

Babe. That’s mostly what we can say here but…

Morticia Addams’ lines for Episode 15 were created in 2013. I made a better go for Victoria in this scene but because of a newer microphone (same make and company) her words seem louder on the test listen, so I have to amplify for Morticia. Then go through all the bother to save the file where I can play it on my mp3 player with a different set of headphones and now? Morticia is too loud.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!

Can you see in all of this why Facebook like-clicks and graciously sent memes get on my nerves? 🙂

So, how to combat the issue? Well last night was rather lovely but I’m in the here and now, so those thoughts only help a bit to distract me. Then I have fun make-out daydreams about Willie Loomis. That’s a comfort. ^_^

What to do?

Ah, in between audio edits, I can look over what I have for Episode 16! Why am I so looking forward to this? As some thorough readers remember, my Muse is a harsh mistress. I can barely be entertained by any thing not in my own work, meaning all the different fandoms. I’d like to get back to watching Dark Shadows and The Addams Family for more accuracy and enjoyment, the only film I’ve been able to watch in over a year is Clue, but for Episodes 16 & 17 I get to watch ANOTHER movie. Oh!!! The feeling of an ounce of freedom to stretch out!

beetlejuice film poster

Yes, yes, I know. Too much, eh?

I once decided against bringing in The Ghost With The Most; it’s not 1960s. But then again, how long has this guy been hanging around? Our folks bureaucratically running the afterlife seem to know him very well. Also, the fanwork for him is quite good from what I’ve seen. Are the stripes of his outfit a metaphor to once being part of a chain-gang back in the day, but were made vertical when he passed-on? This could range him between the late 1800’s to the mid 1950’s, and picking up newer slang along the way. As for an earlier version of BJ, it looks manageable. I just pray that possible sequel coming out won’t injure what I put together.

As for why? Most of us know Angelique Bouchard gets around. No matter what, she keeps coming back. It is possible BJ encountered her and this did not turn out to his liking. There is no revenge in his purview for her as a witch… but right now? She’s not a witch. She’s a vampire… more corporeal, you see? And being more corporeal, our striped teamster could very well have his revenge on her:

Angelique vs Beetlejuice

As I posted to facebook a while back, “Well, do you wanna effin’ see it or not?”


I’m wagering not since I haven’t even got enough discussion on episode 7 yet, much less all the ones after that. Oh, well. Guess it’ll be me and my grassroots kin for many months/years to come. Vocal support to enjoyment of the scenes can change that at any moment, but I urge my readers not to wait for someone else to do it. If you want to be on the journey more than my updates you’ll have to participate. And there is little fear in doing so. Some reviewers want to plunk down their identities, but no one has to, you know. 😉

As it happens, I’ve found another person reviewing the marriage novel and with wonderful insight. I am adoring that communication to it. It was what I always wanted. When my pattern of creation altered from goofing-off to channeling all the characters, the project changed completely. My adoptees flocked into my psyche and started showing me things. I was giving and they wanted to give back. As with the marriage novel, Barnabas Collins and Margaret Josette Dupres opened a whole new world of possibilities. Things I’d craved but couldn’t isolate in my own life. When I look at reviews I’m only seeing any splendour I own as a conduit. I become an instrument of empathy and they lead the way. I’ve become a spectator, but a very lonely one with the audience around me saying nothing. I’m in that theatre seat with everyone but they rarely chuckle or express themselves. It’s a vacant room of onlookers staring into space. I feel alone among hundreds of people and my adoptees see that as well. So further reviews on “Margaret Josette Dupres” with that reflection to the depth of love and sharing the passion is deeply important to me. I never knew it was possible for erotica to contain so much love, but this one does. And vampire erotica to bring more uniqueness in the discovery!

As for looking over Episode 16: getting the magic of new creation back. Oh, wow! I’m looking at what I’ve got. There are some wonderful scenes here. Maggie meets Caleb who knows all of her incarnations, Lily and Elizabeth are packing for England together and enjoying each others company, Professor Stokes and Dr. Hoffman coming to terms with how she’s feeling and how he’s feeling about her. ❤

And our Ghost With The Most. I approached him about this. And what did he tell me with open arms?

Beetlejuice

“I’m all yours, babe! Happy to be of service.”

Have you noticed I haven’t said his name once in this blogpost? It’s true. I’m a believer.

So that’s where I’m at right now, what with these blasted voices amplified either too loud or too soft.

But again, I’m dying to finish Episode 15 and move forward to where I left off in 2013 with the 16th Episode. Why? Because now The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows has to be earned, not bestowed. I’ve gone through too much Hell, obviously, and five chunky responses per episode is hardly much to ask for. As I said in my “How Soon Is Now?” podcast, this is not only free-entertainment, but it’s costing me and it’s costing me a bundle. Either way I can do it for me by the time I reach Episode 16. Uploading more will be up to audience participation.

With further episodes only kept to myself and grassroots helpers? It reminds me of the scene in “Anne of Avonlea” when Anne shows Marilla her new book and says,

anneandmarilla-295x230

“It’s mine. It’s all mine.”

For Barnabas Collins and Margaret Josette Dupres? I’m still working on further chapters too, but I’d like to leave this video for my dear couple. I only listened and tried to help, and in return the two of you gave us the love life we wanted so desperately but couldn’t find, until I asked that question at the end of 2013. Thank you. ❤

More Work On Episode 14: Reunion At The Old House

Yes… Willie Loomis is coming back home…

But that isn’t all fun and games… Oh, look. I have to provide more audience applause for Sir Simon Milligan. I have to provide this myself. As it happens with all my listeners, I can’t seem to get applause textually. Yes… bitch, moan, bitch, moan, bitch, moan. Well? If you had such a large and silent audience? Wouldn’t you bitch and moan?

Simon

I hope someday Helena enjoys the blooper that came out of this one.

Do recall I had episode 13 finished by 30 October 2014 (having written the text a whole year earlier). Commentary should be forthcoming after all this time… but alas… just numbers…

Loneliness sucks…

Crap, here it comes… even in this one scene. I separate everyone’s performances and have to splice them together. So even though I picked out what I could of the best performed lines, I still had trepidation choosing once and for all which ones? This is why positive support is so important, especially on top of random fools infiltrating my hard work, who have NO experience with radio drama coming to me and dictating what I should be doing. Hey, all y’all? Being entertained and not telling me jack about what you enjoyed? Guess what I’ve had to deal with? Supposed professionals with negative crap. That’s not stressful or undeserving, is it?

The other thing that has to be done is to leave just enough time for silence so listeners to catch their breath before the next bit of humour. Is this appreciated? Who knows? Barely any of these people are discussing the show with me. I have to deduce as per usual…

You know my Methods

Ugh… Going back and forth between Sir Simon and Hecubus. With the former lowering the pitch helps and with Hecubus raising the pitch helps. What a pain. And all for what? Someday? I question this Muse who’s taken me over hook, line and sinker.

Okay, I gotta give this tid bit away where Hecubus wonders how Maggie could forgive Barnabas after all his detestable crookedness towards her and how romantic forgiveness could be. “Do you think she will forgive him?”

Hecubus can you hear me

MILLIGAN: Wellll (rubbing hands) perhaps, or perhaps she is in it for the joy of being able to strike him some more.

HECUBUS: OH! Dear! Master! That IS evil…

MILLIGAN: And what is worse… he may perhaps… like it! Ah… Well, who wouldn’t? At least she’d be touching him!


Not that we encourage such behaviour. This is a story after all…

Ah, and here I come to those metaphoric D&D lines I realized on my way to work. I read them into my phone recorder stepping through the cross-walk so I wouldn’t forget them. And shan’t mention them here. Huh? Do you think this much work listening to The Muse at all hours, losing ten months of sleep, writing, editing, performing, acting, changing audio, getting harassed, and what not? Y’all can just have everything? Well, I guess you can get everything elsewhere… As for Dan Curtis and I? We want something different…


And so I have just finished the  bland editing run-through of the intro with Sir Simon Milligan, Manservant Hecubus, and would like to spend the rest of today playing some spooky hidden object game or maybe reviewing Osheen Nevoy’s HARD ass work.

I have been approached a plethora of times that:

1) You need to do this for you. (Why post it online? Why spend all the money?)

2) Maybe people don’t like it. (Why do I have downloads like crazy?)

3) We live in a time of disconnect. (And we should just accept that?)

4) You likely should broaden your social horizons. (Agreed. I work my ass off to do so. So far I have the U.U. Fellowship, but not often enough. I’m sorry. I don’t have a car nor friends with cars. I am lonely. I have a wonderful husband. But two is not enough.)

5) “I don’t understand her.” (No. You don’t.)

Well, I’ve managed to do all of this virtually on my own. Imagine all the other people who do it to entertain you and get paid. I’ve done mountains of research in both history and all of these fandoms. I’ve uncorked things people never bothered with. Am I now suddenly wrong that humans require other human care? I doubt it.

take care…

Your blighted and hard-working actor/writer/comedienne,

Daryl

Maggie over Collinwood

Editing Intro to Episode 14…

Still haven’t come up with an image for this new intro, but I’ve been working on it for over a week now. Yes, “Daryl’s Husband” will be included and not from hanging the microphone over a drawer and amplifying bits and pieces, which takes forever, but using the same sound recorder that brings you sounds of Sam and Maggie’s percolator in the background. Yay!

percolator

Or I guess I should say our percolator we received from my husband’s parents from their own wedding in the 1960’s. Fitting, eh?

Although I am having to keep shaving off more and more things spoken for time. Lots of y’knows, likes, um’s, and so’s. Hopefully at some point I can remove some of those superfluous podcasts like the question of will this continue, the gratitude one and the offering of explanation. I’m praying someday I’ll have enough people to discuss the show with me that it’ll run far more smoothly than it has for the last year.

This podcast should be much calmer with some sound discussion and questioning. I’ve gotten the distinct feeling a few people are feeling rather awkward after that last Episode (#13) considering the obvious talent and intense work that went into it after giving me such a hard time in the politics which has done nothing to support cooperation.

In any case the main thing I’d like to get across, both in this blog entry and also in the new intro coming up is that this project is something I have not been able to stop doing. The major problem is not getting the reaction to the humour or insight at the program which is the fuel for entertainers. I would hope that would be obvious, but I guess the internet has crammed so much at us that communication is losing ground. In this, The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows will continue, but without the discussion to me of what was enjoyed it is just going to go that much slower. It could go a lot faster and with its creator in a healthier state of being than she has been for over a year now.

Hence all of the celebration for Margaret Josette Dupres. After losing, and I’m not kidding, 10 months of sleep, I finally found people to go through that process with me, review the chapters, give some insight to enjoyment AND have my marriage healed as well as letting me finally get some sleep. Odd that it comes from a novel containing erotica, but if that’s all I can celebrate about in our life of frustration? Am I going to celebrate a healed marriage? You bet I am! 

almost kissing

How much else is there to celebrate at this point?

I get a bit worried that some folks are grinding their teeth. How many of them have a healed love-life from what came to them in their writing? I’m guessing not a vast amount. And here I am having never intended to go so strongly into the realms of this romance, in fact the idea of adult material for screen characters embarrassed me before I saw just how much there was and in what kind of graphic expression was laid out. But these two gave us a gift, a splendid gift we’d been craving for years. Can’t say no to such a gift as a happier marriage.

As I’m trimming this interview with my husband we’re both talking about how the high download numbers with so little discussion or fun commentary over the work is not something I celebrate, it’s something that gives me the jitters. In order to be able to do all of this work and research, you have one curious person, intensely curious. What would it be like for all of these fandom characters to come together and solve all the mischief plaguing the town of Collinsport? To truly know one would have to get it as accurate as possible. In order to do that intense curiousity and research comes into balance and with intense curiousity and working with humour, an audience of blank stares does not a happy creator make.

These long intros with huge workshops that barely seem to be doing a damn other than keeping my pen pal(s) company aren’t making me too happy either. Hopefully this will all be fun again someday. People hear my first episode, get all excited, and express how I have such a passion. Folks, get to the intro of episode 11. By then you shall know it has dwindled from a passion to a calling.

It can be a passion again, but that requires more audience participation.

That’s being human.

Peace.

One Scene A Day: Willie Meets Wadsworth, and creating episodes…

I’ve gotten the basic scene done without music or sound effects. I hadn’t gotten it done because that new chapter of “Margaret Josette Dupres” was coming out and I figured, “Okay, that’s enough work, so let’s go back to that editing one scene a day on Monday.” I had to go through several changes in pitch, speed, and repeats of Willie’s lines to pick the best ones.

That’s the deal. It all takes so much work so the least I could expect is one joke per episode that makes someone laugh. There was some discussion about waiting for the feedback before uploading more. I realized people just don’t understand how difficult the episodes are to produce. They hear something that sounds simple enough, I guess, but in reality it takes loads of time to go over all the dialogue, research, listening, re-listening, editing, picking out which are the best inflected lines from three to five attempts, sometimes more, then finding the sound effects, finding the music, altering everything, mixing the tracks. I’d told one of my helpers, “After all I said in my fourth intro about losing weight and sleep? Plus asking if people wanted ‘The Time Warp’ song to get Barnabas to 1897?! You’d think I’d have people berserk trying to reach me!”

Damn, just checked podomatic again for comments. ZILCH… but! Two more followers, and one is a guy I found on a Horror Classics facebook page. He seemed like someone who didn’t touch fanfiction either. I’ve never seen him on the DS fanpages. That’s truly what I’m looking for. As this other comment states: “Normally, I avoid anything smelling even remotely like fan fiction,” Yes, that is who this is really for, so I have to find those people. That’s the problem with all of these Dark Shadows fanpages. They all know the standard realms of it. Mad Margaret is the only person I’ve ever heard say the 2012 film was fanfiction. With how people discuss that film, I’m sure no one else considers it that from what I’ve seen. And that’s why if I get more college air play, The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows falls into question. Plus, with all the gothic books Dark Shadows uses? It, in itself, is fanfiction too, as many things are.

In any case, I’ve opened so many avenues for people to discuss the show… it’s just silly that they don’t. I mean, if a celebrity entertainer, Tim Curry for example, asked people to write to him or her, that person would be expected to get gobs of fan mail already. I listen to that crying from Josette in the regression therapy, with the music and the over lace of Sam and Dr. Hoffman’s voices and I just think, “I’ve proven myself that far and I’m still getting barely anything? That was incredibly hard.” And I was trying to discern if I even should blow my nose in some of it to clear up other voices. Sam sounds like he was in tears, too.

I hate it when I’ve heard, “Oh, you’re having fun!” Since October 2013 creating this radio series? Bullsh*t! I’ve been in agony with so many too timid to talk to me about the radio drama . The best fun I have is in chatting with my helpers over the work. And then there is “Margaret Josette Dupres”. That’s a little fun, but passionate and deeply touching. Definitely worth all my channeling now. More people respond and comment on that so I push myself in that direction, of course.

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This morning I looked over what I had before me. Yes… it’s true. I do love The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. Creating it could be fun again one day. I like it. It’s my favourite show right now, and “Margaret Josette Dupres” is my current favourite book, however unfinished. I read and re-read the chapters continually. I adore thinking about my adopted love-bats spending time together, holding each other, finally finding each other and being so happy, like Gomez & Morticia are so happy. And now I’ve got material of them in bed together hearing their cooing infant, the re-born Sarah, in a crib nearby. All is coming right for them. They’re still so in love and with all the struggle, they’re thankful, as many of us could and might be. I know when I’m laying with my own spouse, I certainly am.

But what I hate? What I can’t stand? Spending the money, uploading the episodes, getting hundreds of dowloads, and hearing virtually nothing. That’s what I hate.

Not a compliment

With so little communication, this number is not a compliment. 701? This is confusing as hell.

And that’s why I don’t plan to do that part of it anymore until things improve. And I believe they can. The fellows Goths and Spooky kind I went in search for have their own pains. They understand. They recognize being different. They have art that gets little attention. They visit graveyards with a kind of wonder and inner beauty to the mysteries of what is and what could be. Some poke fun at their own hurts. They’re like The Addams Family in real life. And they haven’t said too much, but they’ve said, in so many words, “I love this show!”

Wicked… ^_^

So I still produce and make the show the best that I can. But what for? Now? College radio air play. I used to think it had to be the best so people got something good. But for the most part people only care so much. The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows is as repeatably listenable as all those shows and films are re-watchable. This is for people who gave up, gave up on Dark Shadows getting better, or gave up on fanfiction, or gave up on all the films and TV shows they keep whining have awful stories. I have a good series and I know it.

And I respect myself enough to wait until others can let me know what they liked. No more contemplation of going to the hardware store to get razor blades or poison because I feel so alone, used-up and neglected in this. That’s the truth of it. Let episodes 13 & 14 out of the bag again without enough feedback for the rest? I’d kill myself or try to. That’s the truth. I promised myself and I promised Willie Loomis, we’re not going down that road again like last October (2013). He and I can wait.

I’ve often heard this song when I’m out and about, as if it’s another sign for this show, as many signs as there has been. But the words, “Home… home… Where I wanted to go… Home… home… Where I wanted to go… Home… home… Where I wanted to go…”

As Barnabas proffers to Mr. Loomis in Episode 14 of The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows:

“Would you like to come home, Willie? To Collinwood?”

“Ya, ya… ya really want me back?” Willie asks.

“If you want to come,” Maggie answers, “I know what you were trying to do for me. And things are different now.”

“Well,” Willie affirms, “all this I gotta see.”


Meanwhile, a small voice at my shoulder says, “When you create those episodes and don’t give them away… everything will get better. I promise… I promise, Daryl. I promise you… they will.”

The Promise What Praise Can Do: “Margaret Josette Dupres (A Novel)” [Note 3]

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In chapter 3 of “Margaret Josette Dupres” there is some trepidation for our groom and some rather winning allure from one bride, who is often seen as so sweet to be undeveloped. Well, Josette Dupres has been a lady of refinement as well as kind to others, even to one who did her the worst of wrongs and would normally not be friends with someone of her class. But for Josette, even a servant could be a friend. If Angelique couldn’t show that kindness in return to Josette this would be straight Dark Shadows, and not part of The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows.

In this combination from Josette Dupres to Kitty Soames to Maggie Evans, much can be seen, as well as a lady who uncorked not only her own mysteries but the mysteries of everything in Collinsport. View this woman coming from her island home and  more or less Parisian lifestyle embarking on a journey of three lives. First she travels as a French mademoiselle to step down in Maine, and next a widow from England, previously from Pennsylvania, setting foot again on the same shore and then finally she is born there, but does this woman know boats and nautical terms? As it turns out she does. Is it simply from this third life in a shipping town or having been familiar with ships so much before? And as for the man she finally marries in this novel. Oh, does she know him, and know him well. Perhaps her level-headedness and her determination to have her husbands’ knowledge increased by his servitude to her is what makes him so nervous.

Does Barnabas fight this allure? Oh, no.

I didn’t sit through hours and days and months and years of fricken Dark Shadows listening to that infusion of walking melancholia whine and bitch and moan over not getting this chik for nothing! Unlike other people who wanted to smack him for missing his sweetie, I saw the reincarnation (and I’m not the only one who did) and told him, “FINE! HERE SHE IS! SHE WANTS YOU, TOO! OKAY? Now go for it!

Aaaaaand… oh, dear! Cupid’s arrow struck me in a whirlwind of confusion channeling these two. Suddenly a surprising one shot organically sprouted into an ongoing novel. Will my other couples be as extreme? (Tony & Carolyn woke me up a bit, but not like this!)

So there Barnabas Collins holds his bride in that bed after already experiencing her in the absolute for the first time, and he is still dazzled. Finally having this one he’s ached for (and woe-as-me and sad tales of loss, blah, blah, blah), “Now I get to actually have her?” Think about it. If he got her? After all of that? He better be a combination of grossly terrified and extraordinarily happy!

But, who of us took a peep into the bedroom?

Whoah! Osheen? Wow!


Osheen Nevoy chapter 3 . Apr 28

Beautiful. Both the physical aspects and the non-physical. And I love the line about her own ghost calling to her.

Oh my! Very nice! I’d love to have her review more! And yes, I felt both Kitty and Maggie would have that trouble on the inner turmoil of Josette.

Helena Clara Bouchet chapter 3 . Apr 12

So how did they wake up the next morning? 🙂 This was romantic in their bonding and reminisces of the past. And sensual!

I thought so. ^_^ I think that’s why this erotica is so different. It leans towards more sensuality than sexuality. Every part is glorified rather than the baser areas normally seen in work of this kind. Loved notes of romance and bonding which for them should be celebrated. And waking up the next morning? That is asking for more. Always welcome!

myhrr chapter 3 . Apr 23

Can’t stop reading it…this should have been in the movie, but I guess it would have gotten an R rating in 1970…you write exquisitely, and the reader hangs on to your every word to see what is going to happen when we turn the page (so to speak) and happen upon the next chapter.

My dear madam, such a delight. Perhaps I don’t write exquisitely, though. Perhaps Barnabas does. And I tell ya, channeling that man; the thesaurus gets some overtime use. He is so picky.

And so we move on to Chapter 4, when our bride awakens a married woman to speak for herself, albeit a little fumblingly.

Helena Clara Bouchet chapter 4 . Apr 13

I think the chapter is alright. It’s sweet to show Barnabas comforting MJ’s fears and reading of the intimate thoughts of the world-wise (or centuries-wise) Josette Dupres. And perhaps you could replace Heaven with “Paradise”? It’s a glorious setting, too, but it’s just my suggestion 🙂

The suggestion I took! It is perfect. Thank you. That one’s always been a little uncertain. And the comforting is sweet. I can’t see him being any other way with her. This couple is satisfied. Thank you for the insight!

Liz chapter 4 . May 9

Praise be to the Collinsport Afghan! Dark Shadows characters, besides Jeff Clark, are finally acknowledging their past lives. Now why couldn’t the show’s writers have penned such a simple idea? It makes me want to rent a time machine, barge into Dan Curtis’ office, and scream, “If you introduce a plot point like reincarnation, follow through and finish it!” But no, that would’ve been too easy. Instead, they thew Maggie aside as Nicholas Blair’s love interest! Was there ever any long term planning involved with Dark Shadows’ writing department?

Now this is something I love about making these new friends online. We all know exactly what these items are and who the characters are. We all just get one another almost instantly. Another reason why I wrote the pairings analysis. Like greets like. And again we have one of the few listeners I found. We just felt the pairing made sense and didn’t besmirch the 2012 film of humour for at least trying to get the Josette issue squared away for once. And yes, Nicholas Blair… huh? But then there are more “huhs” in Dark Shadows than one can shake the proverbial stick at.  I think Dan Curtis did want this with asking K.L.S. to reprise her role so much but considering it was a soap-opera would it have gone down well?

ring pop art chapter 5 . Apr 29

Ooh La La!
Very sweet and romantic…
Also, I was quite amused with the bit about fake pockets.

Yay! Someone new comes in to review, and a non-bedroom scene. And yes, that fake pockets thing gets on my nerves, too. I can see where Barnabas was coming from. What I felt was the sweetest and most romantic part was where she squeezed his hand on the bench making him ask why. She was thinking of the previous night and her knuckles crept in blushing remembrance to her face. Maggie was correct; if one thinks of these memories and writes them down? More splendour can be enjoyed and it grows.

katie chapter 5 . Apr 24

Tender, sweet, romantic and oh, so poignant. You channel the Josette and Barnabas that should have been. Those who will never be separated, by time or what life has dealt them. Bravo!

Thank you, Katie! Another new friend who’s come to mean so much. A that’s the funny thing about fanfiction, isn’t it? Since it’s based on fiction it’s either nearly as believable or more believable for where we see the most sense of the story going. I realized this when watching an episode and noticing Tony & Carolyn separated for some annoying reason. I found myself not worrying about it anymore. I’d fixed it already. ^_^ And thank you so much for using the word channel and how they’d never be separated. Josette said it herself, I mean, you know, back when the show had less continuity flaws. 🙂

myhrr chapter 5 . Apr 23

Please dont stop at this chapter…leaving the reader hanging, is in some ways, a good thing, and brings us back wanting and waiting for more. Yes it has brought a certain peace to my psyche, knowing that Barnabas and Josette/Maggie can experience some of the things that so many of us take for granted. The simple things that make one’s life complete. Thank you for writing this for us, the readers.

You’re welcome! Finally, to FIND some readers! It was rather dismal during the test run. Later on, WOW! Did I have readers! I’m not sure the first run of The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows did this well! No worries on more chapters, though. Where are we now? 33? I don’t think any of us take this for granted. Still wonder why it is our stories get the flames. All I can figure is there is a taboo truism some people are threatened by. For this Dark Shadows there are about 409 stories at that site now. One would think that would retain the needs of such rude people, but I guess when you’ve got something convincing it shocks the meanies into action.

Helena Clara Bouchet chapter 5 . Apr 14

Seriously, I thought that Barnabas and MJ were going to get down and dirty in the mausoleum when she loosened his collar, but I don’t know how I would had reacted if they did in front of Naomi’s crypt (or on it :D). Second, I can only imagine Tony Peterson, Carolyn, and the other family members and friends watching them and thinking, “They make such a cute couple, but why is she wearing THAT outfit?!” Wouldn’t you ask that, being on the outside looking in, Daryl? No criticism at all, but just an immersed observer. It was sweet, lovely, and it was…don’t know how to say it, but it was interesting that MJ also saw their journal writings as resourceful for future, possibly troubled couples. That’s actually pretty interesting andd progressive of her (if that’s the right word to use). I liked it. What’s next? 🙂

Nope, he was getting nervous and yes, the whole family crypt thing. They were considering the secret room but later on we discover that doesn’t have the greatest of memories for this particular couple. Some confidence is lost in the fear.

I was seeing this dress from the late 60’s on her. She kept showing it to me and I was like, “Okay, yes, that’s one of those old Simplicity or McCall’s dress patterns from back in the day when women started wearing those revamped pioneer style dresses or whatever.” I guess Carolyn might raise an eyebrow to it but only because I can’t see Carolyn wearing one herself.

As for “Margarette’s” wisdom, that rather came out when I saw what was happening to this book. I’d read it more, and more would come out. Then THEY’D want more and that would come out. Now it’s suddenly spiraled out of control and I’m planning on selling it! Those two Love-Bats did me in, but good! I figured if it worked for them, then worked for me, maybe that could work for a lot people’s love lives. Heck! I think some couples even make videos of themselves and watch it for thrill! (Not me!) But yes, write it down when it’s good. Re-read that when your hungry, go have at it with your lover, write that down, read it, get turned on again, make some more love, shower, rinse, repeat! Good advice. 🙂

What’s next? Should be an enhanced version of busting up the bed again, unless they send me another curve ball. (That’s why she asks if it’s time to go home. So far they’re rushing back to The Old House in Chapter 6.)

Thank you all, including this couple:

stop that

More Stations Contacted and Illness Lifting

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As several packages to college radio stations have been mailed in the last week I can only deduce part of why all of this happened as sorely and unfortunately as it has is Providential in purpose: to reach more and more people. Why folks have become even more distracted away from communicating and sitting in the complacency that information-overload and lack of dialogue is what this online world is all about, there must be more need to change lives beyond a small shipping town.

I am hardly the only individual who works very hard online only to see numbers and feel a sense of pointlessness in it all. I hear from these creators on a regular basis and they aren’t just writers of fanfiction or articles. The point in sharing is discussion. Book clubs still take place for this purpose. College radio? It very likely continues to retain listeners who don’t skip around on audio. They have to listen carefully and they’re used to doing that. They have longer attention spans and due to being outside the mainstream they make decisions about what they like and aren’t guided by the nose as to what they should enjoy. As one station expressed themselves on a website I saw today: “We play none of the hits.”

Very nice indeed.

My husband and I are sick of coughing and want that element to leave like so much of the rest. But we hold close and smile widely and gratefully when either of us comes into view after hours of separation. And it looks like a number of characters will be of stuffy nasal passages. Maggie and Sam make sense, they’ve likely shared tears together after what occurred in Episode 12. Hoffman and Stokes? Well, they’re a little scratchy in sound so that could work. Caleb? Hmm… Not sure if I’ll use any of those re-performed lines. Will it matter there was a train in the distance as I recorded that?

Victoria and Morticia from the original demo are fine. My Cara Mia got that snippet and said she howled with laughter over the one line I gave Uncle Fester. Just an alteration in pitch for Morticia Addams. “You really do have a voice made for audio, Querida.” So lovely to hear someone tell me these things. I’ve got to investigate more of The Addams Family and hold fast to them. They truly have been a larger beacon for The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows that I did not expect.

The interesting part in all of this is how young the more vocal readers and writers are. These are old programs and films but younger people love them. That’s also the sad part. I get the terrible feeling many Dark Shadows fans are much older than the rest of us, got used to not saying anything or being encouraging, so our work gets read or in my case heard, and we’re looked at like 1) the fanzines of old, in which there were no comment boxes, 2) not needing any commentary because we grew up with the internet (I didn’t, by the way) or 3) as if we are people who are… their… age? Nope. Talking to these younger creators who are doing this to find their people, their feelings have been harmed and they’ve been unhappy or lonely just as long if not longer than I. What happened to caring about the younger, anyway? Especially from folks who grew up writing letters and using the post-office. Did all of those skills just die?

Speaking of which the blue-box that I used for Captain Gregg’s sound effects in helping Sam mail the check during Episode 12? That box just got yanked off the street. Pisses me off but it was in a crappy location. So, for posterity it still exists in that audio. But the post office isn’t going away, I think that’s what needs to change as well. We need to write letters again, tap into the thoughtful discussion we’re capable of; long-term expression, not quick-fix ephemera.

Pop Evans

As “Pop” tells Maggie in my 13th Episode when she wonders if she could ever trust Barnabas again, even as Josette:

“People can change, you know. They really can.”

I am fricken *tired*

Good heavens. Emailing for days and days… looking up college stations, etc. The perfect one seems to have the strictest security and then barely any regular programming. They could play the episodes for filler all they wanted. That would be something… if I could just reach them. 

I think what’s the oddest part of all of this is I’d hope there would be one kindred soul out there who was like me when I heard my Aunt’s radio show and became steadfast to it and wanting to get to know her, and tell her about what I enjoyed. I listened to them so much I was able to tell her a week ago all sorts of lines I still remember. Where are all those lonely kids who actually want to chat and hang out?

Then again, I often get, “Hey, did you see that new movie or read that book?” and it’s like, “Um, no… I’m locked in this multi-fandom. It ain’t only a single show. We’ve got plenty to discuss if you want to go down that route.”

It’s like total miscommunication. Tell me what you enjoyed, don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong or tell me what to add. I have a request list on that score and I rarely get those answers. Why is Providence pushing me so hard and sending me so little of the help that I need?

Crap. There goes the neighbours with their rude booming noise again. I wish the newer neighbours next door to them would get fed up and give them heck. 

I printed out the dialogue I copied from DS Episode 884. It’s hard to believe how slow this 12th Episode is. What’s harder to discern is even my pen pal who is usually so descriptive about what she likes can’t give me that benefit anymore. It’s as if everyone thinking their part in this is to listen and hope their reactions some how telepathically reach me. And that file sharing… what? Just passing along the information in the hopes someone ELSE will do something? 

This could be a fun project for me if people who simply respond with more than like clicks and have a dialogue like Pat’s been able to do. I guess they don’t want it to go faster or something. Has a majority of my audience gotten complete brain fog? Perhaps it’s too late and they’ve lost their ability to pay attention to anything but short-attention-span distractions.

Weird considering the wealth of complexity Dark Shadows is on it’s own.

I hope these emails to college stations manage to find me some DJs. 

*sigh*

 

The saga continues…

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One scene of Episode 12 was finished in performance, but there are still a few that have to be done and the editing as well.

The worst of all of this work is when the communication comes it’s usually misconstrued into some other meaning than I had intended, even with the negotiating help of my husband who picked out better ways to describe what I mean. It’s a pity that Dark Shadows fans are so easy to offend. And then we have the gentler ones who already know this and for this reason do not communicate at all. For which I worry because I’m likely the one to listen the most. And I have done in private messages that turn out wonderful.

These quieter types are not so opinionated as to who should do what and why. They’re listeners, like me, and saw much worse in the fandom enough to learn to live in hope but keep their mouths shut. It’s the saddest of all as these are the types who could and do bring change for the better, but in current days louder = right to many. The quieter types tend see how others are feeling and don’t live in black and white tones. I have heard, “I love this relationship. Thank you for doing what I couldn’t do.”

It is no doubt a shock to see a creation of this pairing by someone as feisty and determined as those of the other pairings. “Oh my,” they may have reflected, “this is the behaviour of one of THOSE pairings types… but wait… she’s standing up for the one I see as making the most sense!” Confusion must have prevailed.

The only difficulty is in having to admit to not being in love in any way, shape or form, with Barnabas Collins. I keep having to point out it’s an empathy I have. I don’t have opinions of who he should be with. Like all Dark Shadows characters, I request from them “personally” and view their history toward what choices they themselves would make without invalidating anyone else’s.

This is why Angelique/Barnabas makes little sense. I’ve heard from gobs of fans that the intensity of her wrath on any innocent involved is far too much to be forgiven to the point of a workable marriage. But does this leave her out in the cold? Certainly not. That’s due to her own motives in desiring love and having gotten such rotten forms of it, one can see how she wouldn’t know how to handle rejection from someone who made a mistake. And it is a mistake many of us make, which is why I find people being so hard on Barnabas for this to be beyond my comprehension. Plenty an admired character has done far worse.

There is a solution for Angelique, of course, and it is one that delights people, at least visually. I haven’t seen it in much fanwork but when I do I’m happy to enjoy it thoroughly. My deductions were not far from an answer many had already. Besides, if you’ve seen my behaviour, you likely know I have plenty in common with Angelique. I’ve reacted similarly to such lack of support. My sense of remorse is far higher, but I attack the attachment to oblivious behaviour, not the people. Angelique has been more than peeved at those living in luxury and being so ungrateful for it, hasn’t she?

angelique

Anyway, as the review pile for Margaret Josette Dupres grows I’m finding many people pleased and finally feeling able to say so. More what I like are the varying insights reviewers are bringing. It’s why I couldn’t stand for so much silence with “The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows”. How is one meant to orbit such a massive undertaking with only one vocal supporter who has only one viewpoint to offer in enjoyment? Five separate viewpoints of enjoyment would be sufficient, but the download numbers rise. Episode One is at about 570 on podomatic alone. Who are these people? For librivox work numbers like that don’t phase me… but this more personal, heartfelt and expensive production? [Noise of nervousness…]

The hunt for college DJs continues. The online world is so not geared for communication. And all the silence I received from the beginning frazzles me into sounding intimidating. I’m really just frustrated. I can only hope the short attention span of people makes them forget any ephemeral tirades. Or perhaps I’m keeping people company who otherwise have no one to listen to? Perhaps they’re lonely. But so am I.

Sadder still is how much my far away friends and few healthy family wanted to see me work artistically for ages and now that I have this their support is shallow for various reasons. So you don’t know all of the characters? That’s what the intros are for. So some of those intros show me sounding rankled? Well, wouldn’t you be if all of this happened to you? For a world in love with drama and political broo-ha, one wouldn’t expect such fear.

Perhaps it is as a rare visitor explained to me last weekend: “People look at what’s produced online and they don’t see human beings. They see a machine… it’s just a machine; no one is behind any of this. I’m the only one who’s real.”

Now that is scary.