Pit Update: July 2017 And Retrospective

2017 July Retrospective

 

 

Why pen pals work and social media wastes time. Incorporating “Bewitched” into Episode 18. Social network history. Two books by Nicholas Carr.

Episode 12: Tons on regression therapy for Maggie Evans, music used. Healing Barnabas & Carolyn scene. Captain Gregg helping Sam Evans. Dr. Hoffman’s place in everything. Pivotal point with Lily Munster, Elizabeth and Tom Jennings. Milligan & Hecubus fun.

Episode 13: Purpose of dedication to Kathryn Leigh Scott and importance of her contributions and characters in Dark Shadows. My falling into the Julia/Barnabas trap and how a Julia/Barnabas fan, Helena Clara Bouchet, helped to pull me out of it. Incorporating much more “Clue” with Willie & Wadsworth, and the topic of Willie Loomis in general. Caleb Collins meeting with Lily and Elizabeth.

Why the Morticia scene with Victoria turned out the way that it did. Final scene with car race in construction between my occupations in vision therapy. (Osheen Nevoy’s response to the scene.) How music was chosen throughout podcast: Ennio Morricone, Verne Langdon, Stoa, Claudine Longet.

Better methods in communication, and how to make requests for potential MJD podcast, etc. All methods of which have been available since the 20th Century.

Theme song for this podcast: “All Night Long” by Peter Murphy (1988)

archive.org link

podomatic link

podbay link

Downloadable from iTunes, as always…


 

(Yes, this podcast is two hours long, which means very few people have time for it because Heaven knows our newsfeed scrolling and clicking is, by far, a superior activity of higher importance.)

Working On Episode 16 (& other fun news)

Good Evening Collinsport, Schooner Bay, Mockingbird Heights, Cemetery Lane, Crabapple Cove, The Neitherworld, and our guests at Hill House.

I figured I hadn’t updated in a while and I know there are some out there that dig this web-log, and likely others who read it and lose much calcium and many fillings from their teeth. Well it’s a complicated world and this technology sure made it harder to pick and choose hasn’t it? 😉 I feel bad for all y’all who don’t have ad blockers. I used a machine that didn’t have any and good Lord! What a nightmare of obnoxious interruptions!

I have been working all week and all night on “Episode 16: A Death In The Family.” BOY! I worked so hard I forgot I’d seen the dawn and my husband rising to greet it. When I finally went to bed? I woke up around noon and I truly believed it was Saturday. I think that means I probably did a week’s worth of work in one night!

I remember Osheen was bothered by Caleb Collins ghostly laughter. At this point? I’m getting sick of his voice! There is a short scene with him, and then there is a long one with Maggie Evans that’s about twelve minutes in length. You can bet yourself a plug-nickel I threw in much, much music to deal with that. Then I think the music got too loud so I had to edit that over and over again throughout the test-listens. But still, some of the Maggie and Caleb banter is fun enough that it doesn’t get too strenuous. They have lot to talk about. It’s like, “Oh hey, you’re a ghost sometimes too, girl. I get to look at you and see some of my afterlife memories haunting me, Kitty Soames! Clever girl.” He doesn’t actually tell her that but, you know, that’s the gist of it.

Another thing that’s kept me busy is we finally went on a vacation last week. Then we discovered we had not taken a vacation in seven years. Ahhhhhhhh!!! Still, I’d had Anhedonia for so long and vacations couldn’t be much enjoyed back then. It’s truly nice that creating The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows helped to yank me out of The Pit of Ultimate Numbness From Any Emotional Thrill. Then? Margaret Josette Dupres happened and even more got healed! Still, I had that insomnia for ten months. I think it was probably getting through enough chapters of MJD and people responding to it that fixed the insomnia. I am so grateful to many of you for helping discuss it with me. That’s what finally got me back to sleeping again. (Technically I would pass out for an hour or two here or there but it was just not enough during those ten months.) And there is lots more to come, so no worries. I’m still struggling with Sarah’s toddler years and also making more Pit.

So hopefully some of you have written me letters or cards and I’m dying for some mail but I haven’t been able to go and check for goodies. I still have my goal of all the stationery I’ve been hoarding for decades getting used up. I’m not even close! And I’m sending people stationery if they need it, too. On the rare chance I get a response to a printed version of the discussion questions for The Pit, I love that so much. That’s one of the things that proves to me I am not an effing narcissist. Why on Earth would I be dying for fun responses and people’s insight if it was all about worshiping me?

Emails are great too. I want paper letters in between emails but there have been so many emails and I’m so emailed out. It’s no wonder I managed to send eight postcards, two cards, and one letter on our four day trip! I noticed another pen pal site called “Long-Letter Pen Pals”. No kidding, man! We gotta make it obvious we don’t just want junk or meme-mail. It’s super-gross to see the meme and share-file mentality hitting the pen pal universe. Ugh!

One beautiful part of my week has been voice-call with a friend and she overheard the Barnabas chat with Beetlejuice. Audibly hearing her laughter was so marvelous I just let the track keep playing. And it is an amazing scene. I wasn’t sure how they would interact but it works! It’s them! Talking to each other! Almost teasing each other! I even keep turning it back to hear BJ snap, “Cut the questions, Fang-Boy!” So even if my Alan Alda sucks? At least my Michael Keaton is good. 🙂

I also finally made the cover image for Episode 16. Am I going to post it here? Nah. I won’t get any reaction from anyone. I’ll just get stats. Dull-city. (Maybe I’ll get some juicy like-clicks sharing it on Facebook. P’shhh, why bother? Hee hee hee!) So I shared the image with Melissa and got some actual talk and fun discussion. Then? She kept me company while I did the dishes. They got backed up working on this episode, I tell ya!

But what better joy in the world might be had? Being able to turn to one’s spouse and say, “Sweetie? I need a kiss for Doctor Hoffman and Professor Stokes.” and the spouse is wonderfully obliging. I wanted something more beefy, but hey, it’s their first so we can get beefier kisses later. ❤ I noticed I upped the bass on Professor Stokes voice for that scene. I think I was shooting for sexy with that, but then I noticed the love-song I put in seemed too loud. Hmm, it might be because my equalizer was set to “Dance” and not “Acoustic”. Gotta watch out for that.

I truly adore how Willie Loomis is coming out. Remember in my second intro I said it felt like “lost potential” with him. Now I’m seeing so much of that lost potential to be found in such a short time! In The Pit he’s never known Cassandra, but our trusty butler has updated him on Angelique. A Willie Loomis who is bonding with the ghost of a little girl? A Willie Loomis who is reminded of a more innocent time in his life around Wadsworth? He’s not going to take kindly at all to Angelique. And why? Because he sees the chain of dominoes that affected Barnabas, just as he’s had his own chain of dominoes that made him nasty, too. Now granted, Barnabas being harsh with him changed him on Dark Shadows, Willie Loomis became more empathetic, but so as life is littered with horrible things and bad people? We do not go out of our way to court the horrible things and bad people, at least not intentionally. (Well, okay, a few people do!) So Willie is making it clear Angelique is someone he wants out of the vicinity. (Being protective of Sarah also blends in with his godfather role to her in Margaret Josette Dupres.)

That leads me to a game we played last night. At a thrift store I found a fancy briefcase set for backgammon. We finally used it and didn’t have the greatest fun but the point was to give it a shot. And it makes me revel in the fun of Wadsworth’s chapter in Margaret Josette Dupres where he and Willie create this habit of going to play that game while Barnabas and Maggie are too vocally expressive in their love-nest. I like to think that their backgammon set looks like this one we got. Four dollars, too!

backgammon

That’s the wonderful part of having a fascination with old things and old games. My “adopted kids” can have a ball with that and it fits in perfectly. I’ve seen so many pissed-off fans of Dark Shadows grousing endlessly about Barnabas not loving Julia. What was I pissed about? They didn’t play cribbage, dammit! So? I fixed it that they did. Hee hee hee. Plus I remember reading that scene to my Mum. Anyone go and re-listen to Episode 6 of The Pit? That time at The Old House is seriously wacky! I’d forgotten how much I was able to stuff into that scene!

Wanna know something else crazy about us and cribbage? We didn’t learn it from someone older. We learned it from my cousin who is over ten years my junior. She learned it from her great-aunt, but still. It was a groovy way to discover it. So by the time we watched Dark Shadows and Barnabas jestingly suggests playing cribbage with Doctor Hoffman? You can bet I was angry that they didn’t play after all. Hence all the DS fix-its in The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows aren’t necessarily massive. Life is a banquet of things that come in all sizes, shapes, colours and variety. That’s why I write these entries like letters to you. Take it from Robert Fulghum. (I’ve never written to him as he may not write back. But I will.)

With old books and old times, I finally finished Chapter 22 of Stand Fast And Damn The Devil by Osheen Nevoy. One part felt like a hilarious moment in an M.R. James book and I still am laughing at this dude who shows up for Bill’s jury selection:

One voluble old gentleman could scarcely wait to answer Hanley’s question gauging potential jurors’ views on witches. When it was finally his turn the old fellow hopped to his feet and started summarizing all the acts of witchcraft his neighbors had worked against him for the past 40 years. Bradford barely managed to squeeze a word in edgeways to request that this candidate be dismissed.

That is so hilarious and very likely, too! It’s like, “Oh good! Here’s my chance to rat on my neighbours and get ’em in trouble!” (The other guy that Rev. Trask dismissed was kinda hilarious too.)

I’m not sure why but it takes me back to the über-dry M.R. James story “Martin’s Close” in which there is a hearing when one of the witnesses starts rambling more details than is necessary:

…Thomas Snell was next called, who gave evidence to the same effect as Mrs Arscott, and added the following:

Att. Did anything pass between you and the prisoner during the time Mrs Arscott was out of the room?

Th. I had a piece of twist in my pocket.

Att. Twist of what?

Th. Twist of tobacco, sir, and I felt a disposition to take a pipe of tobacco. So I found a pipe on the chimney-piece, and being it was twist, and in regard of me having by an oversight left my knife at my house, and me not having over many teeth to pluck at it, as your lordship or anyone else may have a view by their own eyesight—

L.C.J. What is the man talking about? Come to the matter, fellow! Do you think we sit here to look at your teeth?

Th. No, my lord, nor I would not you should do, God forbid! I know your honours have better employment, and better teeth, I would not wonder.

L.C.J. Good God, what a man is this! Yes, I have better teeth, and that you shall find if you keep not to the purpose.

Yes, one might think with this gem in the collection of M.R. James that his stories are fun and funny? Don’t be fooled! They are dry and spooky and I’d like a kid’s version. (((lol))) Whereas Osheen’s novel, though tragic, is pickled with Bill Malloy’s down to Earth observations and comic relief aplenty.

________________________

Speaking of old books there was a delightful re-print we bought on the trip in one of the historical museum gift-shops:

language-of-flowers

Kate Greenaway “The Language of Flowers”. I believe it is one I was working with for Josette’s blossom fetish, but it’s nice to have a physical copy. Definitely fits in with the meanings in Chapter 41 of Margaret Josette Dupres. (Which meant I had to go and check and read it and get all hot’n’bothered by the couple again.)

____________________________

Ohhh, what else? Well, the test-listen is still running. I need more from the grass-roots before Episode 16 is released. The grass-roots team aren’t through half of the scenes yet. (And I’m always up for more in the grass-roots team. They find one scene at a time fits in with their schedules easier.) So far? Episode 16 is over an hour! Ah! I’m hoping for shorter future episodes, and with Episode 17 we shall, hopefully, be “back on the road” as I keep expressing. I remember the old formula was X# of words versus X# of pages. With Episode 17 it’s mostly ideas and a list. I noticed The Pit expanded exponentially in 2013 with the listens to previous episodes and growing from that. (Plus Helena showed up and she was a Godsend. Still is!) That’s why I definitely enjoy the chat about this show. It gets me motivated and keeps me focused. Random distractions take up too much time.

Also all my whistle-blowing has not been in vain. More and more often I’m seeing articles about this new tech-addiction. True, we had old ones, but what’s changed in the last five to ten years is not healthy for us at all. We’ve tried to compensate and get stuck back into the addiction. I’ve set myself out as an example. I don’t think I fell off the wagon last night. Still, I’ll share this with Facebook, likely without fully logging on. That’s another scary thing about social networks. You can share things to them without pulling up the application or site fully. But it’s preferable to share it in places that people are stalk—I mean, “following” me.

Otherwise, if you’re hungry for the next episode? You can always run through the previous one and let me know what all you enjoyed. That should keep you entertained, right? 😉

At Last! Working On Episode 16

(((deep breath)))

 

Yes… last night I opened a bottle of wine and got cracking. I have the bland version of Episode 16 melded together with all the voices. Since I started doing all the voices separately it’s taken a whole lot longer to splice together a proper episode of The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. I’m really pleased with the opening, even though I think a misty, weepy Hecubus is kind of doofus, but the point is that our boys are disappointed in not getting a polite Angelique yet.

Feels good though to get back to work. I’ve been in a lot of pain for the last week from an injury and audio work was out of the question. I didn’t have the title announced for the episode so I did that first and I did it loudly and very determined sounding. The actual episode title kind of came out a little British or a little Barnabas, I’m not sure which, ha ha!

Fighting the Facebook addiction is hard. I’m sure I did some dumb-ass crap last night, but hopefully everyone over there knows I drink, I get stressed out, I get wildly-creative in bizarre ways, and Facebook gives me the jitters anyway.

Oh, guess what, everyone! My husband and I watched… a MOVIE! I haven’t watched a film other than “Clue” for years. (And oddly, I miss watching “Clue”, which is great considering it’s part of my job. Yay!) However, I did have to take breaks because my focus is poor for something not intensely Pit related. But I did it! And I think I was able to do it because there is a *sliver* of the previous movie in The Pit. You know in Episode 8: A Long Awaited Trip To The Passion-Pit, where I dedicate it to Tony & Carolyn, “’Cause they’re so hawt right now!”? That is so obviously quoting Mugatu from “Zoolander”. So, we watched “Zoolander 2”. Got all the way through it. Busted our guts over Neil deGrasse Tyson being in there and his lines!

Zoolander 2

So I went to youtube and found where someone had taken his clips. Sooooo damn funny! I remember throwing it all over the place on Facebook last night. Ah… weird network, weird stress, weird joke. But so hilarious. But I swear some really idiotic people are online these days. There was this long, stupid argument under the youtube video that had nothing to do with the clip. None of the other commentators seemed at all aware the clip was from “Zoolander 2” either. I’m starting to re-learn how to ignore stuff like that, but it’s so prevalent now. I find it disturbing.

I’ve also come to accept that a lot of the fans of my work are fairly empty-headed. The lack of conversational skills is just remarkably ludicrous. I’m not sure these people were always that way, either. I think the new technology sets people into a regressive state of intelligence. It’s too easy for almost anyone to use, so people get lazier and lazier until they practically become illiterate. (Makes one wonder why fan-fiction is so popular now. It’s reading, you know?) So I’ve decided to just call the dopey people poking me with like-clicks and saying incomprehensible things my groupies. Sets my mind to rest to look at it in that light.

SO! Ya-da-ya-da-ya-da. Life sucks with the tech addictions and losing peeps, but here we are in a relatively nice place, and relatively nice life. It’s so nice shutting off Facebook and just sitting outside, smelling the nature, listening to the birds and crickets. And music!

Actually I had to add a crickets sound effect to the first scene of Episode 16. The boys went on so long I ran out of “My Name Is Victoria Winters” music! Plus I think it was the old version I had rather than the cleaner one from the Dark Shadows music collection. I just said, “Oh, who cares? So a record pop is in there. Big deal.”

I listened to a lot of the rest of it today while I was walking to get me and my sweetie some sandwiches. That’s when I noticed that although the episode is currently about 55 minutes, there are soooooo many long silences between all the characters lines that I’m going to have to shave a lot of seconds off in between. And that shall make it shorter. Hurray!

I feel so bad for Maggie, though. She’s really pissed off. As Josette, but not with all the goodies in memory yet, she is also acclimating to two or three previous life-times? She gets to be reminded what Angelique did to her as regards to Jeremiah. NOT a happy girl. So not happy. I was worried the angry growling wouldn’t sound enough like her, but it does.

When I got home and listened to more on the porch, I noticed almost all the voice work is great (Hawkeye is always a tender point, mind you.) , but I’m not happy with Wadsworth’s lines. He’s repeating a lot of things from “Clue” as far as what he says in his lines, but it doesn’t sound like how he says it in the film. I think I’m going to have to do some of his voice-work over again. However I sure got a big smile on my face when he brings himself to quoting, from hearing it via Elizabeth Stoddard, the words of Bill Malloy. Really made me smile, and also Sam Evans stepping in to say it was good to hear Bill quoted. Very heart-warming.

Willie meets sarah again

Willie’s lines are deeply remarkable to me. I’m glad I worked on this episode in the writing so long. I really had time to research everyone quite thoroughly to make sure it all blended well with their known pasts. I might have to raise the pitch on Sarah’s voice, but overall it’s quite nice.

Another thing I noticed was that I seem to give Julia a very, very slight English leaning. This is good because when she is opposite Hawkeye the pitch is so similar to his that her having that vague English lilt separates them more evenly.

Of course, I’ve got the irritation that a large percentage of my struggles have been due to this Julia/Barnabas nonsense. As I’ve said before, it never occurred to me to put them together as a romantic pair. She had a crush, but a strong woman like that could obviously get over it, whether she’s doing great acts of heroism or not. Plus it’s nice to find out that much of that was Grayson Hall being bored and adding her longing looks at Barnabas as something interesting to add to her character.

troi riker

Hell, Jonathan Frakes and Marina Sirtis did that to each other for Riker and Troi! The difference is there was a romantic relationship between Riker and Troi. The two actors, as Sirtis has explained on Mission Log, wouldn’t allow the relationship to die. It was a mutual consideration Frakes and Sirtis put together. And as it happens, Riker & Troi came back into being a romantic couple with “Star Trek: Insurrection.” (One of my favourites.) Whereas with Grayson Hall it was one-sided.

I didn’t know there was so very much Julia/Barnabas stuff going on, nor that it was such a big barrier between me and my fans; them being afraid to speak up for Maggie/Barnabas for fear of getting attacked. (((rolls eyes))) We’re all behind keyboards and screens. Say whatever the Hell you want to, drunk or sober. All the a—holes do it! Why let them get away with it? Say something about what you enjoy, people. Gonna make me quote Auntie Mame in a minute…

But as I watched Dark Shadows, along with dozens of other shows, to create The Pit, I could see a relationship for Dr. Hoffman with a lot of potential: Her and Professor Stokes. And you can tell in The Pit that it’s going down that direction. Mrs. Johnson has already told her buddy, Sophia Petrillo, that the guy is a dreamboat. And frankly, he is! ❤

julia and eliot forever

I’m very much looking forward to working with them as a couple, and I’ve been dying to do it for years. Barnabas makes Maggie laugh. Eliot can get Julia to laugh, and happily. Never saw that with her and Barnabas. She often seemed to laugh with a sneer at Barnabas, or scoff, just irritable with the guy. Plus I’ve been in Barnabas/Maggie Land so long it would be hellza nice to concentrate on another couple, as well as Tony & Carolyn for Episode 17!

Carolyn and Tony

It’s stuff I’d like to talk about in a podcast, too. Gosh, Carolyn & Tony? Even the demo of their drive-in movie date would propel me on walks to work. I was so excited for them. I just felt like, “Yes! This is working and they’re so awesome!” It really started to lift my Anhedonia. I was starting to feel again. And they were the first couple I was worried about. (The Anhedonia truly lifted with the song for Sarah in Episode 10, though. The thrill of listening to music came back, thank God! And Sarah Collins. ❤ )

Victoria picked Peter and that made sense so I just ran with it. Maggie as the reincarnation of Josette was obvious and I was sick of Barnabas whining and Maggie not settling with anyone. I used to lean toward Willie/Maggie but I watched her more and saw she wasn’t digging Willie in that way either. It was a little disappointing but I respected her take on the situation. (Especially after seeing James Hall as Willie… Keeeeeeee—riste! Sleeeeeeeeeeeaze-buckets, man! Ugh! Talk about nayyyyyyy-stayyyyy! Boy did I want Burke to wail on him. Sadly, by the time he did, it was John Karlen as Willie. Poopycakes!)

So Willie? Who would suit him? Well there IS this peripheral character, very peripheral, but he’s staying at Wyndcliff so damn long. A nurse could handle him and love it. I noticed her on DS Annotations when Dr. Hoffman said, “Thank you, Miss Jackson…” and the word bubble came up, “That’s Janet… unless you’re nasty!” Inspiration time! And I definitely picture her as that actress and not the previous one for Nurse Jackson. (Though it was kinda neat because the previous actress was briefly in “Ghostbusters”.)

Then we get to Hoffman/Stokes. It’s so exciting and fun. Plus I’ve met more people who absolutely adore Thayer David, possibly even more than I do! Really something. (People calling him “ugly” are shallow. Never heard so much grade-school nonsense in my life.) I didn’t think pairing them up would be such a massive production, but they deserve it, as well as each other. Two intellectuals staying up nights together having a drink and musing over occult tomes and treatment protocols, along with dashing delights at each other. What bliss! Definitely my cup of tea. Really looking forward to that.

And the other couples, too. Willie & Cora (the first name I came up with for Nurse Jackson). A lot of Willie lovers can just pretend they are her. I do myself sometimes. (Yes, I rather Mary Sue myself with Willie Loomis, ha ha!) Then Elizabeth and her long-lost love. That brings so much intrigue. B-u-t… Angelique/Quentin. It’s a long, long, long way off but it scares me. It truly scares me. They’re so vicious! I’ve pictured it easily enough. It gets rather violent! (Okay, there goes the ice-cream man. His music lightens my mood.) I keep picturing Roger as a bachelor, I’m afraid. Kinda like Sam and Wadsworth remaining widowers who are faithful to their late wives memories. I used to dream of redeeming Laura somehow for Roger, but I think that’s a lost cause. Now that I get to know her better she seems hopeless. (I adore the 2012 movie Laura, though.)

Ah, couples, couples, couples, and we’re nowhere near Valentine’s Day.

Oh, good. I did put in the echoes for Caleb’s laughter. Really good scene between him and Maggie. There is a lot of supernatural commonality, as well as a release from shyness. Maggie could be shy, but not often now. She knows too much. And Caleb was a recluse that finally snapped.

As for me, I keep praying the world comes back into one of more reason. When I look over some websites it appears as though there are a lot of people who are fed-up with being recluses themselves, or just sick of creating gatherings where no one shows up because members are aloofly clicking buttons and being thoughtless. The timidity is quite ridiculous and all that does is allow the loonies and haters to run the show. Just ridiculous. Much like the waste of human life because people are too busy looking at their screens while they drive. (((shudder)))

But for those who are my silent listeners, either feeling bad or feeling defensive that I’ve pointed out how obnoxious the behavior is… well, I’m a fairly forgiving sort of person, you know. I get tempers like most people, but as Automne Archer related in her interview, sometimes you shake the bottle too much and then it’s going to burst. You have to let the person calm down on their own. You can’t force them to calm down.

And I’m loving the letters, and emails. I really am. So for all who correspond with me, and don’t hide that they’re reading or listening, it makes such a big difference. I still drink, but these last few weeks it’s been a great deal less than I got used to in the last three years. Always remember when you keep in touch you make a big difference. Really. You do. ❤

Picking Up The Pieces…

(((Deep Breath)))

Well, with the final needed commentary of up to five chunky responses per episode (not that I don’t encourage shorter ones else where) and the release of Episode 14: Reunion At The Old House, I’m beginning to finally soothe my wounds. Strangers met in various spots and a trickle of old friendships renewed are showing me the world of thoughtfulness and caring has not entirely come to an end.

I never could believe being an online entertainer would bring so much grief, but it sure has. I see people who are capable in the daily complexities of human life get online and become vegetation when it concerns anything positive. The general hail attitude of “social” networks is really the most depressing thing I’ve witnessed. The facade of showing off enjoyable vacations to people who aren’t allowed to go on one is incredibly detrimental. Moreover it’s gross to see the fading of positive discussion revert to “clicks” and “shares”. What does this leave us? The negative discussion. People won’t stop complaining about the tiniest aspects. And when they complain about entertainment as if it’s out there wielding a sword toward their soul, something that is imbibed by choice, I must wonder if they are aware they have any choice about it.

Still, I came home from my Halloween celebration and realized it was time. My sweetheart didn’t take up too much of the bandwidth in the house and Episode 14 was all ready and waiting to lend itself to ears unknown. Rather quick reaching iTunes too. I had it transferred in almost no time. I was gratefully listening in and fell asleep with it playing. My love affair with Willie Loomis may continue after all. ❤

Of course, the wisdom Wadsworth brings still touches me after all of this time. It’s as if I am Willie Loomis and Wadsworth has made tea for me and explains, “You know you’ve hardly been treated very well and you likely got the idea that such behaviour was both normal and natural.” Wadsworth is right. I even gloried in so many like-clicks once upon a time. That glory was short-lived but I made an acceptance briefly that clicks were just peachy. They never were and they never will be. It’s a way of whittling down the positive to an emptiness so shallow we couldn’t even see what it did to us.

And here I am having become a monster myself. Having a temper about technical aspects, like files not loading right, or a character voice not coming out as well as I would like (Alan Alda’s “Hawkeye” is a major pain!) is one thing. But to be told repeatedly on the aspect of silence and clicks that “this is just the way things are” is anathema to a grieving soul. I feel as if I was shouting the soonest and the loudest and now? Several people have approached me about “social” networks and saying,

“God! This is so stupid!”

“This is empty. I’ve never met any of these people and we never talk to each other.” 

“I can’t believe I spent five hours last night clicking a bunch of worthless crap.”

“I don’t touch that thing. If my brother can’t be bothered to call his own sister or our mother on the telephone then I don’t see much love there at all.”

“Yeah, Facebook. It’s a bunch of s****y people saying a bunch of s*****y things.”

“Why the heck am I staring at still shots of Gomez Addams when I could be watching the man?”

“I can’t take it anymore! I have to get off this thing and SEE SOMEONE!”

“I miss doing all the things that I love like reading, writing, visiting people or viewing my favorite shows and movies.”

“When did I decide that being completely alone in my apartment all of the time without really contacting anyone was how life was meant to be lived?”

“What is the point of a social network when all anyone does is click with nothing added?”

“I feel like my brain died for two years.”

Okay, it’s not just me. However I will venture to say I feel the suffering more than most. When you’re looking for insight and laughs from an entertainment product you never could have dreamed you could create while everyone has gone into a hypnotic realm of only speaking up when there is something negative and only clicking or lurking when there is something they enjoy? Well… you have what I have become: A monster, and the kind of monster Barnabas Collins was ashamed to be. His love for his friends and family is so deeply felt he had little choice but to wallow in some sense of evil, then back-pedal when he acclimated to a new set of loved ones. The depth of his character is beyond remarkable.

Dark Shadows fandom is likely the hardest thing to make a relief series for in this time of technological confusion and disconnect with people. If The Addams Family fans encouragement, and The Ghost & Mrs. Muir’s gentler aspect didn’t exist I’m not sure where on earth I could have ended up. Worse than this? Another victim of suicide? Thankfully, enough people spoke up just when I needed them most and spoke up with fury at the negativity they witnessed, both in their lives and about characters they loved. And they all finally said the same thing, “You don’t deserve this, Daryl. You’re a human being with feelings. Not an entertainment machine.” Bless you, yes. And may I add, “Aren’t we all?”

Perhaps this is another reason why the extremists of Dr. Hoffman pushing the issue with her unrequited love for Barnabas Collins became so severe. Unrequited love feels neglect very strongly. What time in our history would it have been stronger than right now? Many of these people are angry at not getting the attention they need, not feeling heard, even some Angelique extremists are in that same boat. Now would be the time to go ape-s**t on strangers from a sense of losing loved ones to their becoming robots everywhere they look. Why not go crazy on a fictional character and those who adore him for himself?

Plus these people have the most to lose because they managed to sway public opinion about who he loves or should love due to the pile up of story after story previously written. Who would have thought so many fans would ever be able to watch Dark Shadows in its entirety again? But now it’s happening. People see 1795 and mourn Barnabas’ losses. Fans re-watch and re-discover who had what feelings for whom. And they ask, “What was I reading all of that time? I’m not seeing and hearing the same people on this screen.” It must be heart-breaking and confusing as Hell.

(The speculation and insinuation about the actors is even more grotesque. I never, ever wished to bother them. They have their own lives just as we all do. And I can’t contemplate the merest desire of stalking the memory of dead people to sway anyone’s opinion beyond taking what they expressed at face value. Tabloid newspapers and magazine columnists have much to answer for in fixating our minds to this excess merely to make money.)

I recall Walter Koenig expressing that Star Trek was the science-fiction of his life because it had so little bearing on who he was as a person. This is one of the reasons I am so expressive with my own life to make sure no one is getting the wrong idea about me. Short attention spans don’t help this much, but that’s likely the reason Providence put this blog-writing into my perspective. It can be read repeatedly until some blasted humanity finally sinks in with someone and for keeps.

I have been given a plethora of gifts and extraordinary talent in a time when it’s not wanted enough to be appreciated well by those who enjoy it. The focus is to only discuss the negative right now, minus a precious few people out there. When that is the focus and that is the constant exposure the result creates a very impolite demon out of someone. Rather than encourage those who have something better to offer, the general online public prefers to insult and badmouth in great detail anything they even remotely dislike online. It hasn’t just made me “insane”, the constant attitude has made many others just as foul themselves. (My mind is still reeling at so many hateful reviews about “The Time Machine” movie that came out in 2002! Sheesh! Did that hurt anyone other than the poor women playing The Morlocks???)

So here we are in The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. I never knew that title would be so damned fitting! It sure speaks volumes during this dreadful age of online negativity. I’ve had pen pals, on paper, express to me, “Is everyone just socially inept or psychotic?! Dear Heavens! I see name-calling and spiteful words on book reviews or at the people who loved the books!”

But this begs the question: Where are the people who aren’t psychotic nor socially inept?

They exist outside the online world. Some of them only show these tendencies when they “plug-in”. Phone calls and voice chats show me people who are very different from what they type. Extremely different in fact. This was the purpose in making the darn postcards, really. (I still don’t understand why so many people online tried to dissuade me from doing that.) Hence the need for places like… the library… the churches… community centers… Not all of them are the perfect fit for anyone but choice and differences are still available. Some of these people rarely “plug-in”. Actually, some are planning to go from smart-phone to flip-phone so they feel they won’t be getting constant notifications about what people are posting anymore. Quality time for themselves.

In this frightful journey of excessive peaks and valleys I discovered I am sure a whole lot smarter and wiser than I was ever given credit for. I also discovered chat rooms still exist, THANK GOD! A stream of typed discussion, even in abbreviations is un-clickable. Really gets me out of that awful habit sometimes. Some chatters apologize for their typos and I tell them, “No. It’s okay. I can speak typo! I understand what you’re saying. It’s clicks and silent numbers and memes and cartoon stickers I don’t understand. I can’t really speak meme or link. I just can’t comprehend those languages most of the time.”

I also discovered other avenues of social activity are still alive and kicking. Coronet Instructional Films may be cheesy, but “What To Do On A Date” makes a good point to this day, even in simple friendships. Claims one only uses Facebook for pictures can easily be compartmentalized in places like pinterest, instagram, or snapchat. And quieter social networks without pinging notifications are used by many, they’re just quieter is all. They don’t make noises like they are constantly ringing your doorbell.

However, Colonel Mustard in the film Clue does have this to say,

“Now there is still one thing I don’t understand.”

I suppose I’ll have to respond as Professor Plum does:

One thing?

The Love of Dr. Julia Hoffman

julia waiting for barnabas to save her from the riddler

Yep, don’t hear too much about this. It looks like even The Riddler can keep these goodies from us. But be it a riddle or no, it is true. We do have love for Dr. Julia Hoffman.

Haters of her do exist, as well as those who dislike her, but I rarely run across them. When I first saw Dr. Julia Hoffman coming into play on Dark Shadows I thought, “Whoah, she’s got some nerve.”

Remind you of anyone? 😉

My own irritation with that dwindled as time went on. She seemed to calm down when she came to Collinwood and got lost in the swirl of so many problems. As like with Willie Loomis, once a person has to identify with the hurts of others they become more empathetic and concerned. I remember Quentin Collins changed as well when he found himself in a situation he couldn’t control.

For sympathizers of Dr. Julia Hoffman we have some of the best possible people, we truly do. They not only love Julia and the Julia/Barnabas romantic pairing, but who else do they love?

Barnabas Collins

Barnabas Collins

They love him romantically, or lustily, or as a friend. They say, “Oh, it would have been nice if he reciprocated Julia Hoffman! I like that idea. She cared so much about him.” They also express themselves with sincerity as a fan of anything else. I’ve often heard from them, “Now you know I’m a Julia/Barnabas fan,” before moving forward with something fun and chatty about my work. It doesn’t bother me to hear this. It’s said in a well-grounded way that someone would tell me, “Well, you know I’m really into The Beatles rather than Depeche Mode”. It’s like the love of a music preference while maintaining people have other favourites in their lives.

The other thing lovers of Julia Hoffman tell me is, “Wow! Professor STOKES?! For Julia? That’s a splendid idea! I hadn’t thought of that. Professor Stokes is great and he was interested in Julia too!”

Super Stokes

He’s groovy, he’s cool, he has a monocle!

And generally? Julia lovers like a lot of things. They are upbeat, winning and they know the difference between reality and fantasy. “Hey, it’s just a story. It’s a good story, but we’re pretending and we’re exploring that. No big deal.” Occasionally they do shake a fist at Barnabas Collins for not loving Julia, but they do it once and then they’re done. 🙂

Julia lovers have a fair grasp of psychology as well and look at themselves and their lives as such, similar to Julia herself. They meet with Julia-extremists thinking they’ve found a kindred-soul, then watch further seeing the odd behaviour that comes out and… slowly back away. “Oh dear,” they think, “this isn’t going down as I expected. This person has, uh, more than an enjoyment of Julia/Barnabas. In fact, I’m not sure they truly are enjoying what they’re going for.”

I, myself, felt the need to analyze all this to try and figure out what the hell was happening with my own work getting so darned much silence and for so long. That is changing but 2014 wasn’t the best year of my life. I’ve been through ringer with fans of all sorts. As patiently as I could. I wasn’t often given that gesture of kindness in return. It builds up on ya. (Believe me, like-clicks a go-go and friend requests on facebook without discussion as to why increases that confusion, too.)


Lovers of Julia Hoffman have been some of the better supporters to what I’ve put together. They see a unique method of handling both Julia’s woes as well as that of Barnabas Collins, not to mention everyone else. And because of the likelihood that the Julia/Barnabas pairing is popular they were never afraid to speak up nor get nasty about Julia/Eliot. They like the characters for themselves and have a preference for the positive. They don’t grind their teeth watching Dark Shadows, but usually respond to bad things occurring on it with a breath of, “Oh, noooo… *sigh* Well, it IS a soap-opera.”

The concern of sympathy for Julia Hoffman’s love of Barnabas Collins can be summed up in that one word:

Sympathy.

That’s what makes these fans some of the best for Dark Shadows. They appreciate the struggles everyone had to go through, not only the characters but the creators of the program. They also sympathize with anyone facing hardship and, like Julia, want to help. They haven’t been scared away by anyone going nuts at them for being a fan of Julia/Barnabas, whereas fans of Roxanne, Maggie and Josette have been hit with the troubles of not being a Julia/Barnabas fan. Julia lovers are not only easy-going but they care about coming to the bottom of a problem. They listen intently, they look at as many details of a situation as possible. Very important when it takes that kind of comprehension to keep track of so many wild things going on in Dark Shadows.

These lovers of Julia or Julia/Barnabas have turned out to be some of the best people I have ever encountered online. Being less fragmented by not feeling outnumbered they keep to concerning themselves with friendship and communication. They enjoy a lot of things beyond Dark Shadows. They also enjoy Star Trek as several other listeners of mine have told me. If I had a dollar for every time we have detailed discussions about Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation I might have just enough money to pay for half of The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows.


Back in the late 1970s, Harlan Ellison described peoples difficulty with science-fiction, mainly those in charge of our entertainment, “They see machinery, they see machinery and they think that’s what science-fiction is and it isn’t. It’s about people and the effect of the future on people. They can not get it through their heads.”

Lovers of Julia Hoffman also know that it’s about people, all kinds of people, everything is related and a persons feelings are important. They have never shrugged off my hurts at making so many laugh and never getting to find out what they laughed at or why. They’ve seen my temper flare and they come to me quickly with concern telling me, “I know you, and I know you aren’t mean-spirited… heh, heh, heh, actually, some of your sarcastic comments left me in stitches!”

Julia sees Eliot

Yes, we love Dr. Julia Hoffman and we know she’s a big-girl.

Her happiness is our happiness, as well as everyone’s happiness even when we, ourselves, are not doing so well.

Loving Julia Hoffman for herself means we love everyone for who they are and want to help. Please, keep it up! This is a good thing and I heartily endorse it. ❤

Peace.

Why Create The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows, Or Any Story?

There is a lot of behaviour I’ve enacted in this project that I am not proud of.

Why did this happen?

I expected for human beings to behave as naturally as I discovered them to be as I progressed through this life. When someone makes them laugh they show it, when someone entertains them they applaud, when someone touches their inner depths they discuss it.

It’s taken over three years to get a mere handful of people to do this for my work.

Why?

Several reasons, perhaps. One being device technology, of course. It presented us with lazier ways of perusing a massive source of information so that the internet no longer was a 2-way street, nor a zone of communication with several people interacting as we had in the days of textual forums. It is now presented to us in more robotic maneuvers and more of a one way street where people tapping into the online world are not expected to respond with anything more than a like-click or a thumbs down if even that.

I have done so much hard work to get my biggest achievement to youtube. Really, why wouldn’t I become extremely angry and post rants when all I got were thumbs down over there? If you were me wouldn’t it piss you off too? One of my best helpers has let me recognize that if the same malarkey I’ve received from doing what I do and to not require commentary for it would never be handled well by anyone doing it unless they didn’t care. Someone doing what I do would be a caring person. Caring is something that this new world has diminished in vast amounts this century.

My husband told me, “I understand when someone says ‘That’s just the way the internet is, or how things are.’ When you show surprise to that, but to back it up with, ‘That’s just the way things are because that’s how they SHOULD be,’ that’s when it all breaks down into idiocy.” And I agree with him. This creation was not invented to be a one-way street, but we’ve been so programmed that it should be. We like the fact we’ve been hoodwinked toward laziness of faculties and disassociation with each other in using it. In fact, we cradle this laziness and obliviousness to our very souls. As History has shown, humans in masses are very easy to program into complacency.

But what of the symbols in that complacency?

One thing that’s really driving me insane are Jesus memes.

jesuschrist

The teachings of Christ have been degraded into share files. “Yes! This is what I believe! I’ll LIKE-click it. I’ll SHARE-FILE it. But I won’t do it. I won’t behave that way. I won’t help my neighbour. I will not be The Good Samaritan. Forget the teachings themselves, but I’ll post them and believe in them. Action makes no difference.”

But what of the people who’ve helped me the most? Yes, they are believers in these teachings as well as The Gospel (Good News). They BEHAVE like Christians. A blogger reached out immediately and devotedly to my cause. A reader responded as she would to any material she was enjoying. Another saw my pain and spoke up. A writer showed her merit in talent and worth as well as craftsmanship in the arts. Two others I wrote to asking for help showed their worth in what they could do. If they couldn’t do much in the commentary department they certainly could in empathizing with my troubles.

But what of all the silent downloaders, listeners, readers?

Some of them are robotic like-clickers and they show-off their religious beliefs with almost anything but the virtues of which it is based on. Those virtues are kindness, communication, consideration for someone hurting. These are things many of the silent refuse to embody. I’m not sure why. Perhaps they’re simply church-goers rather than enablers of a better society.

In many regards they behave as if the world of Dark Shadows is more important to them than The Bible. They’re more involved in their own egos of which romantic pairing makes the most sense to them than listening to what the characters might want for themselves. This would definitely stretch out to not listening to real people. Real people, like fictional characters, have wants and desires, things that move them, sorrows that hurt them, trials and joys. Watching people suffer like a bystander and only filming the hurt or sharing the file is not something I see as Biblical practice, or practice of any faith except perhaps that of…

satanic_bible

Anton LaVey…

It is the manual of utter self-indulgence, that which cares for no one but the self, the ego and its higher purpose to feed the lusts of the body. If one cannot release themselves of guilt? Revel in it. Ah, yes. I see this behaviour all around me. Perhaps “The Black Pope” is wise to reveal such atrocities in the human psyche to us. If you can’t beat ‘em? Join ‘em! And that’s been my experience at times in this project The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. Perhaps “The Pit of Ultimate Darkness” truly is as dark as Sir Simon Milligan announces in his comedic manner. It’s certainly shown its listeners to be.

Some, I will admit, are likely ones with disabilities, or low-functioning communication skills, be it from lack of funds or lack of practice. But there are several I know for certain are able bodied and can easily type out communication. Why they resist expressing their enjoyment when I’ve repeatedly explained that is the need I have in being their entertainer?

Perhaps, as Brian Wilson sings, “God Only Knows”.

My main purpose has been in helping others. When they want a different romantic pairing I’m more than happy to direct them to someone else’s work. When they want more of mine? Well what were all of those workshops for? I deduced perhaps some of my listeners had debilitating problems so we provided what we could to help others out so they could help me. Working constructively together.

multi matrix game

multi matrix more

When silence is all a person gets one has to expect a wide array of utter confusion from the almost total lack of information. Not only do I not know what was enjoyed I don’t even know why people can’t simply TELL me why they can’t talk to me either. How was I not going to go insane from that much confusion? How? Turning to more intoxicants, liquor being one of them, in loneliness and confusion? Yes. In uncovering fandom politics and bizarre control tactics over a majority of romantic pairings in the fanwork? Of course! That’s going to drive someone mad. This is a television show, not re-writing the Talmud.

Keeping kinder hearts silent? What was the grand gesture in that? How was persistently giving Dr. Julia Hoffman her crush over and over again going to help anyone? It certainly never helped her. She’s a fictional character, a strong woman made weak by isolating our own desires in her, or those of Angelique. Forcing the issue and telling-off a major icon for which Dark Shadows would have been canceled if he hadn’t been introduced; Why was invalidating his hurts and longings good for any of us, or him or Julia?

We resist who Barnabas Collins loves for some sinister reason. We resist standing up for what we believe in beyond posting memes about it or like-clicking it for another sinister purpose. We’d rather listen to ourselves than someone else for some diabolical scheme. I’m not sure what it is. Shame? Programming? Shyness? Obliviousness? All of the above?

The standards of storytelling imply that it’s all about conflict. I’ve found that it isn’t. It’s about reaching a moral precept or several ethical values. In Episode 2 of The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows Wadworth explains to Barnabas something similar in himself about Willie Loomis.


WADWORTH: I understand that he may not have been the most superior underling in the course of matters, but have you considered that he was already rather abused to begin with?

BARNABAS: … a… a bit.

WADSWORTH: See anything similar in yourself there, sir?

BARNABAS: (regretfully) Oh… yes. I’m afraid I do.

WADSWORTH: Yes. So rather than concern yourself with him writing memoirs to betray you, don’t you think you might have put some credit in his way?


And in Episode 14 (still in production) what does Wadsworth express to Mr. Loomis about Barnabas Collins?


WADSWORTH: Well, if you ever wondered why he became so tragic, it might have been for the same reason that you did.


Is this ringing any bells with anyone? Is storytelling solely about conflict or something deeper? Is History all about war and suffering and politicians? On all counts, no. It’s about moral precepts, teaching us something. But what are our moral precepts of the day?

“That movie sucked so hard it could have whitened my carpet!”

Yep, a funny way of bashing something, or just outright bashing it entirely. This is the trap we are in right now. Dissing, bad-mouthing, deciding that our anal-retentive persnickety attitude passes for developed aesthetic taste. If we have something good to say it better be as rotten as we can make it.

But still we claim to be spiritual, trustworthy and downright good people. We hate bullies. We despise rudeness all the while being rude.

I have never been ruder in my entire life than since I came to know so many fans of Dark Shadows.

Collinsport

Was that because of the television program? No.

I was much nicer when I was watching it on my own and working on The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. I became rude when I got the silence, when I saw the bickering, when I saw the abuse-hungry control freaks. I watched the arguments and inaccurate statements of fans. I watched a woman be the worst thing she could ever be as she lashed out on people who enjoyed the 2012 film. Marina Sirtis commented that people were not accepting in the beginning of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”. I’ve been dying to tell her, “You think you had it bad? Check this shit out!”

What good is a fandom if the loud arrogant types silence the better behaved enjoyers of it?

What good are the teachings of spirituality if the followers don’t act on what was taught?

What good is The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows if no one is learning from the series but just downloading it like greedy schmucks?

What good is the internet, invented for communication, when we don’t use it to talk to each other?

What good are any of the stories we’re fed in books, movies, or television shows if we don’t learn from the examples they show?

They all basically say the exact same thing, “Do in life what you would regret not having done when you are facing death.”

tim to go

That’s my question. If Daryl Wor gets hit by a car tomorrow, what will you regret not having told her?

Analysis of Preferred Pairings for Barnabas Collins… Extended, # 1 & 2

#1) Angelique Bouchard

parker10

Just plain koo-koo?

“The fans of this pairing aren’t but there is something upsetting them so much to feel sorry for her or it stems back to the playful deviousness. Again, I hope it’s playful!”

As it turns out, it is. Thank you, Goddess, Mother Mary, Diana, Artemis, Theotokos, Guan-Yin, Hecate, any goddess out there! Truly, I thank you! There are wonderful people who pursue RPG derivatives of Angelique on many DS fanpages and they expound words to the effect of, “He lusts me, and that is good enough.” Yes, my sweet Angelique. It is good enough. In fact it is what I predisposed long, long ago.


However that is not the only element of some fans. I highly admire the playful deviousness. They know what they are about but a few others believe in the romanticism. They simply and strait-forwardly like Angelique/Barnabas, whether it’s because Parker/Frid look good together for them, or they see a romanticism of destruction turning to the wonder of beauty regardless of all the deaths that happened, whoever much mattered in those deaths, but somehow things turned around. It’s a beauty to be savoured, a power that could not be withheld. It is Angelique/Barnabas, it happened, it’s royal, it’s somehow against all odds.

Very good. 🙂


Sadly, after that, are several who identify with Angelique as pushing the limits, offering herself beyond the call, regardless of whether that caused destruction to so many, she still deserves far more than she got. Why? I can only speculate. Is it because she was picked from convenience? Is it because she was pursued for lust, mistook that for love, and wanted to make the biggest stink about it all that the soap opera world ever witnessed? Perhaps…

But what of the fans of her? Some are as listed above. They are playful, they are romantics. These things make sense. But there are people who become incredibly upset that Barnabas did not love her. What of them?

One way or another, they either are, or believe they are, someone who deserved better, someone who was overused, abused, discarded, left to rot. (My 7-Month troll, unless she desires to continue further, is a prime example of this.) They are so self-absorbed they can’t remember what happened yesterday because they are still so fixated on what happened seventeen years ago. The very idea that who they want does not want them is decidedly hostile, even if there are scores of friends surrounding them who do want these individuals for themselves. Those people who care matter not. It is the annihilation or the possession toward those they are obsessed with. The fact that these fans care so much about that? Waste of faculties, waste of life, waste of humanity. It troubles me. It troubles me greatly. (And I often feel that way when human energy and potential is lost.)

It is one thing to enjoy a love/hate relationship on a television show or even in a book series. It is another entirely to make it a life-long habit. 😦


#2) Julia Hoffman

Julia-Hoffman-Dark-Shadows-1968

You thought #1 was bad? This one is worse. 😦

I’ve scoured for fans of the pairing I found obvious for a relief series. I don’t want popularity. I want my people. Just to get my series finished with those who would enjoy talking about it so I, myself, will have the healthy human interaction I require as a human being to complete it.

In my studies I found Barnabas Collins had longings for:

Maggie Evans

Victoria Winters

Rachel Drummond

Kitty Soames, because she was a reincarnation of Josette Dupres

and

Roxanne Drew.

And he is/was undeniably and hopelessly in love with Josette Dupres, who loved or loves him equally as strong.


He lusted Angelique.

and…

Never reciprocated Julia Hoffman’s romantic affections minus Sam Hall’s TV Guide wrap-up, which completely dismissed what became of Willie Loomis.

As I say in one of my podcasts, it makes sense that there are stories of this pairing, but the extreme wealth of it without an even-split? Stacks of Dark Shadows fanzines since the 1980s have been printed with stories almost exclusively of this pairing.

I wonder who was in charge of that objective? I wonder, but the point is a condition of control.

PIPE

This almost destroyed my Sherlock Holmes mind attempting to discover the reason for it… but I finally did.

Doctor Julia Hoffman, an icon of Women’s Liberation in the 1960s. A strong woman, a doctor, a psychologist, an intellectual… but with one unfortunate failing:

julia barnabas unrequited

Unrequited love.

Ah, haven’t we all had it? Well… I guess I started earlier than some: 5th grade. I was rejected. 6th grade? A few successes which led to uncertainty and then more rejection. Sad… And later? More attempts, more fails, more weirdness, more alienation, more boyfriends, more plain friends, more even odder relationships. More going steady, a few one-night-stands, more sex-less make-out flings, more bizarre entanglements between friendship, lust, the idea of true-love… and then?

I got married…

modern victorian wedding

to the best friend I ever had. ❤

Hey, maybe we all can’t be so lucky. All I know is we reciprocated each other in romance and sexuality. I experienced my variety of love until I found the person who cared the most about me. I’ve never had to make him love me, I never thought he should, he truthfully does.

What did Julia Hoffman and Barnabas Collins do? Julia wished. Barnabas didn’t. Period. One wise fellow I met online has expressed, “In romance? The man wasn’t shy.”

As it turns out there are the sympathizers and then there are the extremists of Julia/Barnabas. The extremists are the types who put their entire lives in the pursuance of partners who treated them miserably. Their partners took all they had to offer, either cheated on them or spent all the profit from their lovers to their own self-indulgence, and then eventually left these hard working sweethearts in the dust.

All right. Let’s say there is a strong woman out there who feels unloved, under-appreciated, unhappy or all of the above. What is the healthy course of action for her?

Eat,_Pray,_Love_–_Elizabeth_Gilbert,_2007

Go on a journey of new experiences, explore those as well as herself, write her own story and grow from that.

Ah, yes. That is the healthy course of action. Very good. 🙂

What is the unhealthy course of action?

1939571_298546150302509_5170639756228816565_o

“Read my Julia/Barnabas fanfiction! READ IT! READ IT OR ELSE!”

Okay, only a few of these people get that extreme. But generally the unhealthy course of action is to identify with Julia Hoffman’s unrequited love so strongly that Julia herself becomes unimportant, as well as Barnabas Collins. It’s the symbolism of uniting them and convincing others to make it fit into their heads. Julia sympathizers don’t do this. Julia extremists do. Push out a romance that never occurred on Dark Shadows. Push it all over the place, pursue it to the ends of the Earth. Make others believe in it. Write more stories about them, create a new universe of Dark Shadows outside what was aired on television and not following the original characters behaviour, at least in this aspect. (And by which, scare other fans into silence.)

Barnabas

Barnabas Collins is now a symbol of the man who should have loved someone and is no longer himself.

This is what makes Julia sympathizers different from the extremists. Sympathizers enjoy the stories and feel better.

Extremists do not. They briefly feel better if they’ve won a fan over and then go looking for more people to pursue it with. They harness this relationship as what should have happened in their own lives. They neither Eat, Pray, nor Love. They are threatened by other stories of Barnabas loving a different lady, especially a “sweet-young-thing”. They criticize anyone who gets in their way, they angrily shake their fists at Barnabas Collins for not loving Julia. They aren’t relieved by their stories except briefly. They write more trying to believe it’s true or could have happened. The fact that these fans care so desperately about that? Waste of faculties, waste of life, waste of humanity. It troubles me. It troubles me greatly.

“Well you just wouldn’t understand, Daryl!”

Oh, wouldn’t I?

new logo 5

I have created a radio drama in podcast form, in audio, to see what would happen if all of these characters got the help they needed from other spooky characters. I created it to share in the expectation I’d find several people who wanted to discuss it with me and find people of like mind. For friendship and help. I did this with all of my empathy, talent, savings, hopes, and dreams of what it could be and perhaps still can be. I received silence for 19 months for all of my pains with only the text. Now it’s downloaded continually and I barely hear from anyone enjoying it.

I live a lonely life looking for friendship and have been cast aside by many friends and relations. I made people laugh and they didn’t reciprocate me with discussion about it. Many still do not. They download a free entertainment that has turned my life upside-down from so much lack of report to it’s enjoyment from presumably uncaring, but mainly silent people, many of whom are too scared to admit they did so. For my love and hurt I am receiving the same silence Barnabas gives Julia in answer to her romantic yearning for him.

I have also worked in medicine and been a therapist, a teacher, a helper, with a deep understanding of psychology.

Why wouldn’t I understand? Of course I do.

Really, who is Dr. Julia Hoffman around here?

24medallion1crop

She’s me. ❤