Crackly Spoilercast (September 2018)

crackly spoilercast september 2018 cropped

 

If you listen to old vinyl records this probably won’t bother you. I cleaned it up the best that I could, so this is a good example of my technical problems! Basic updates with how I’m looking at the social media concerns versus the human requirements included.

 
Touching on +The Reluctant Vampire+ component with Barnabas and going further with that topic. More discussion of what’s coming up in Pit Episode 19 “Happy Hour In Hell” as well as how it correlates with the original series, so there are some parallels between the original DS and The Pit to keep in mind. Plenty of keeping up with the other shows, including The Kids In The Hall, and Bewitched. Delving into Angelique’s troubles and how they work.

 
Relating where Endora is going with her understanding of Angelique. Bringing in The Jennings, Bill Malloy and Elizabeth Stoddard, more Carolyn and Carolyn (Stoddard and Muir). Mixing up components between The Ghost and Mrs. Muir with Dark Shadows between various characters as well as Captain Gregg and Sarah for episode 20 in The Pit. Plenty of jumping through hoops between characters. (Y’all know how fast my brain works by this time, right?)

 
The toxicity of discussion via social media versus the correspondence skills with pen friends and how many people, who were also looking for pen pals, were suffering from what has been happening this decade. How so much ties in with The Beatnik movement against “planned obsolescence” along with the mid 20th century changes happening after World War II. Canon pairings and non-canon pairings preferences in fanwork including a new discovery for Jo March in “Little Women” from an old friend.

 


 

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Pit Update: October 2017

October 2017 Update b

 

For all the pen pals, of course, and chat about why I admire Jonathan Frid, geeking out about Canadian culture. Getting Pit burn-out but how it keeps me going anyway. Social media topics and the reasons it erodes us, especially the younger generation without similar life experiences prior to this technology.

 
How bash-culture took over from other more light-hearted heckling entertainment, as well as how criticizing became more important than deep-thought or enjoyment.

Continuing on new episode creation throughout this year of healing. Why letter-writing is healthier for us, and why the web-log I created became so extensive.

 
Discussion about pairings, particularly Angelique Bouchard and Quentin Collins, and with The Pit series how it can come into being. Focus on Angelique’s needs, how she is a much different villain than Jason McGuire.

 
Information of requirements for further chapters of the marriage novel (Margaret Josette Dupres) and how it previously received what it needed to grow: Josette’s complexity, writing influences and how the chapter process altered with the reincarnation of Sarah, and the “impossibly” happy Barnabas Collins. (More is discussed in the March 2017 podcast for the book.)

 
Finding pen friends who have healthy relationships. How choosing from personal interest is healthier than becoming a “critic”, not everyone needs a ton of conflict or villains. “The Enemy Is Us” this Halloween. I wrap up with one, hopefully harmless, heckling to “The Creation of Eve” episodes on Dark Shadows.


 

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Downloadable from iTunes, as always…

 

Pit Update August 2016

update august 2016

 

Just me, no music. Discussion about things, hopefully, getting better, and how to keep that going. The importance of correspondence especially.

Clear reasons why I, and many others, lose their tempers. (Gets a bit loud while this is explained. Not really a rant, more an exclamation of disbelief in contradictory behaviour.) Deep appreciation for the nice people and tools for how to avoid the bummer types, too!

“Spoilers” over scenes one through five, in Episode 16, that are being worked on, as well as the intricate technical aspects that make the idea of critiquing them severely unwanted and unwarranted. (Audio Dramatists? Listen up. You’ll probably enjoy this bit.) Plenty of talk about “Hawkeye” finally being included and what’s happening in scene four with him. I’m not concerned about spoilers when it comes to this radio drama. People can barely remember what they enjoyed in all the other episodes, so why worry? winking

My old internet days, Sailor Moon, chat rooms, etc. Why fans identify with Angelique and some may not even know it.

A reading from me of Osheen’s review for Episode 7 about one year before this podcast, and my hearty enjoyment of that!

Understanding of the idea of “independence” and how much of an illusion that is.

Not included in this podcast is my suggestion here: If you are wealthy and dissatisfied with your life? Please enjoy the film “The Amazing Adventure” with Cary Grant. Thanks. You’re welcome.

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Episode 16: Building a New Episode…

The download numbers continue to rise to the point it makes me almost batty with so much silence in response… Then among various people on social networks there is this idea that I have become many fans baby-sitter. Why? Basic online fandom bickering. If someone was blazoning my name in terms of being some amazing DS creator or something in response to someone else? That would be grounds for me to start baby-sitting fans. They’re not, though. They’re just making trouble for each other that has nothing to do with me or my work. My work is too scary to discuss minus maybe 4 people these days. Meh…

Personal counsel I like though, as well as need. In fact, I can’t figure out how all y’all reading these blogs and listening to the podcast aren’t starving for talk. I’d be starving for it, and have been… Things on a one-to-one basis, discussion about the characters involved here. Got some great help yesterday from a Munsters fan about Lily, Grandpa and if they can see themselves in mirrors…

Grandpa mirror

That would be a yes, folks! Thank ye, sir!

So Lily’s mention of a mirror has had to be altered but only slightly. The witticism in conversation still remains.

Now for the basics… this is pretty much a note to myself sometimes. I am trying so hard to keep it down to 6,000 words for the audio timing but it’s really tough.

The scenes are:

1) Milligan & Hecubus’ intro and opener.


2) Dr. Hoffman, Professor Stokes and… Dr. “Hawkeye Pierce”. (Which bleeds into a scene involving Tom Jennings and Caleb Collins.)


3) Vampire Angelique finally reaches The Old House to confront Barnabas and… “Crap, there are a lot of people here! This isn’t working out so well. Who is this new butler, again? What’s up with the blond guy? Uh-oh… there’s that little girl I messed with via voodoo when she was alive… Not good… “


4) Next we have Maggie and Sam wandering in to discuss what they overheard with Barnabas and Angelique. This will need more work, too. A wonderful new help-mate reminded me of scenes with Kitty Soames in 1897. As Josette’s reincarnation she did visit Jeremiah’s grave for a heart-to-heart and explanation of having been tricked into marriage with him. Which means I have to go through those again and ask Maggie what she knows as a reincarnation of both at this point. That’s the homework involved in this production.


*5) Lily & Elizabeth pack for England… very sweet, but I’d like to find a way to get them out the door before this scene ends. Or maybe something that would keep them out of the house by Episode 17. (Happy for a suggestion here. Passports are done. Customs? Luggage tags? Tickets? We’re in 1968 as far as I can figure out at this point.)


6) Maggie Evans goes to speak to the ghost of Caleb Collins in his house. She feels he’s likely the person to come up with a solution for the most recent problem. Caleb knows Maggie well, in fact he knows a lot about what’s been going on with her and confesses to his responsibility of a few things himself, past and present.


7) Back in Dr. Hoffman’s office a certain Professor Stokes has his own confessions to make, if a little impatiently. 😉


8) Barnabas is sitting near the fire contemplating the current woes with Vampire Angelique. All seems lost, until a small and grizzled voice begins speaking to him from parts unknown.


And here is my trouble. One more scene, a cliffhanger scene should fit in there to finalize Episode 16. I can type it up but that would be coming in sharply back to 7,000 words at this point. *sigh* Maybe I can’t escape that.

Again, the listening comes in. When I go over the drafts I see words characters wouldn’t say and have to alter that, whether it’s form of expression or mention of something. Then one last step before total alteration:

The demo…

I have not done a demo for The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows with my husband since Autumn of 2013. But I realize now it’s a key component in building episodes. The listening of the read shows anything good or anything that needs to be changed. Does it sound like everyone? Was there something in the text I didn’t notice because I was reading silently rather than listening? That’s where the tandem of text and audio brings a truer form. Many people listen to audio books now because their mind will wander when reading text. (For others it’s the opposite, hence I make both available.)

Still, I have no idea when this work will be publicly available. People seem to want it but they’re tongue tied about it. Looks like many are mentally capable enough to download an episode, hook it up to an mp3 player, listen and then? I don’t know… I’ve rarely ever known what happens. I don’t get told. I get like-clicked, I get random “friend requests” on Facebook (I feel that site has wounded the word friend.) I get hundreds of numbers a week even though I haven’t released a radio drama episode in six months… and?

I am told I should be happy.

How?

Why?

I’m entertaining gobs of people and I’m hearing virtually nothing about that.

I’m getting hated and harassed.

I’ve managed to garner neglect from people who enjoy my work.

I receive memes and share files as well as notifications in like-clicks that have no commentary to report.

Invitations for group pages flood me with distractions galore and makes simply using networks to really talk to people a nuisance. I’m trying to create something substantial here and even the people who love it make it even harder to create, however easy I’ve made that communication and let myself be available. Why is all of this supposed to make me a happy person? Why?


Why do people become suicidal?

Because very often they feel battered, unloved, and uncared for.

Because, theoretically, it’s only after one is dead that their ghost will finally hear how people felt.

Telling people what you like about them, what you enjoy about their company, the details of good things? That is, for some cursed reason, only something people do after someone dies. Look at what comes from celebrity deaths: That’s when the words spring out. For some reason death becomes the purpose in which the living finally speak.

With that knowledge? Who wouldn’t want to die?

Just to find out, after ages of wondering, what you truly meant to someone…

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Bloody Amplification… (More on Episode 15 & 16)

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Babe. That’s mostly what we can say here but…

Morticia Addams’ lines for Episode 15 were created in 2013. I made a better go for Victoria in this scene but because of a newer microphone (same make and company) her words seem louder on the test listen, so I have to amplify for Morticia. Then go through all the bother to save the file where I can play it on my mp3 player with a different set of headphones and now? Morticia is too loud.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!

Can you see in all of this why Facebook like-clicks and graciously sent memes get on my nerves? 🙂

So, how to combat the issue? Well last night was rather lovely but I’m in the here and now, so those thoughts only help a bit to distract me. Then I have fun make-out daydreams about Willie Loomis. That’s a comfort. ^_^

What to do?

Ah, in between audio edits, I can look over what I have for Episode 16! Why am I so looking forward to this? As some thorough readers remember, my Muse is a harsh mistress. I can barely be entertained by any thing not in my own work, meaning all the different fandoms. I’d like to get back to watching Dark Shadows and The Addams Family for more accuracy and enjoyment, the only film I’ve been able to watch in over a year is Clue, but for Episodes 16 & 17 I get to watch ANOTHER movie. Oh!!! The feeling of an ounce of freedom to stretch out!

beetlejuice film poster

Yes, yes, I know. Too much, eh?

I once decided against bringing in The Ghost With The Most; it’s not 1960s. But then again, how long has this guy been hanging around? Our folks bureaucratically running the afterlife seem to know him very well. Also, the fanwork for him is quite good from what I’ve seen. Are the stripes of his outfit a metaphor to once being part of a chain-gang back in the day, but were made vertical when he passed-on? This could range him between the late 1800’s to the mid 1950’s, and picking up newer slang along the way. As for an earlier version of BJ, it looks manageable. I just pray that possible sequel coming out won’t injure what I put together.

As for why? Most of us know Angelique Bouchard gets around. No matter what, she keeps coming back. It is possible BJ encountered her and this did not turn out to his liking. There is no revenge in his purview for her as a witch… but right now? She’s not a witch. She’s a vampire… more corporeal, you see? And being more corporeal, our striped teamster could very well have his revenge on her:

Angelique vs Beetlejuice

As I posted to facebook a while back, “Well, do you wanna effin’ see it or not?”


I’m wagering not since I haven’t even got enough discussion on episode 7 yet, much less all the ones after that. Oh, well. Guess it’ll be me and my grassroots kin for many months/years to come. Vocal support to enjoyment of the scenes can change that at any moment, but I urge my readers not to wait for someone else to do it. If you want to be on the journey more than my updates you’ll have to participate. And there is little fear in doing so. Some reviewers want to plunk down their identities, but no one has to, you know. 😉

As it happens, I’ve found another person reviewing the marriage novel and with wonderful insight. I am adoring that communication to it. It was what I always wanted. When my pattern of creation altered from goofing-off to channeling all the characters, the project changed completely. My adoptees flocked into my psyche and started showing me things. I was giving and they wanted to give back. As with the marriage novel, Barnabas Collins and Margaret Josette Dupres opened a whole new world of possibilities. Things I’d craved but couldn’t isolate in my own life. When I look at reviews I’m only seeing any splendour I own as a conduit. I become an instrument of empathy and they lead the way. I’ve become a spectator, but a very lonely one with the audience around me saying nothing. I’m in that theatre seat with everyone but they rarely chuckle or express themselves. It’s a vacant room of onlookers staring into space. I feel alone among hundreds of people and my adoptees see that as well. So further reviews on “Margaret Josette Dupres” with that reflection to the depth of love and sharing the passion is deeply important to me. I never knew it was possible for erotica to contain so much love, but this one does. And vampire erotica to bring more uniqueness in the discovery!

As for looking over Episode 16: getting the magic of new creation back. Oh, wow! I’m looking at what I’ve got. There are some wonderful scenes here. Maggie meets Caleb who knows all of her incarnations, Lily and Elizabeth are packing for England together and enjoying each others company, Professor Stokes and Dr. Hoffman coming to terms with how she’s feeling and how he’s feeling about her. ❤

And our Ghost With The Most. I approached him about this. And what did he tell me with open arms?

Beetlejuice

“I’m all yours, babe! Happy to be of service.”

Have you noticed I haven’t said his name once in this blogpost? It’s true. I’m a believer.

So that’s where I’m at right now, what with these blasted voices amplified either too loud or too soft.

But again, I’m dying to finish Episode 15 and move forward to where I left off in 2013 with the 16th Episode. Why? Because now The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows has to be earned, not bestowed. I’ve gone through too much Hell, obviously, and five chunky responses per episode is hardly much to ask for. As I said in my “How Soon Is Now?” podcast, this is not only free-entertainment, but it’s costing me and it’s costing me a bundle. Either way I can do it for me by the time I reach Episode 16. Uploading more will be up to audience participation.

With further episodes only kept to myself and grassroots helpers? It reminds me of the scene in “Anne of Avonlea” when Anne shows Marilla her new book and says,

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“It’s mine. It’s all mine.”

For Barnabas Collins and Margaret Josette Dupres? I’m still working on further chapters too, but I’d like to leave this video for my dear couple. I only listened and tried to help, and in return the two of you gave us the love life we wanted so desperately but couldn’t find, until I asked that question at the end of 2013. Thank you. ❤

Episode 15, Editing… One Step At A Time

Might as well make another blog entry about how time consuming this creation is for people who probably listen with total aloofness. (I can only speculate on this since barely anyone will talk to me about it.) Why am I so cranky? Well I tend to only get to talk to people who let me down or say cruel things. When I get the rare feedback I’m often told I’ve been doing “professional” work as far as sound-quality, acting, writing, etc. But I’m not getting paid. So for me to mostly deal with invalidation while doing what is often quoted as professional work? Yep! You’re going to get someone who is major peeved most of the time.

My husband left off at episode 11 part two a number of weeks ago so this last weekend we listened to Episode 12, “Dark Therapy” together. He kept pinching bits and fragments of refuse off of the carpet to put into the garbage with a nit-picky nervousness. I just thought, “Hell… if this is what people do when they listen to the audio? Get out a note book and stare at it while you listen, and then write down some comments to send me. Better than getting all antsy.” I thought of this especially when he got up during the episode to peruse the kitchen and then calling out heckles at Tom Jennings. Dude! Save the heckles for Tom Jennings to put in the comment boxes!

DONNIE

Moving around all of that crap in Caleb’s House? Tom Jennings would enjoy receiving your heckles.

So today and yesterday, between fits of temper, I managed to enjoy the hilarious antics of Nicholas Blair and Vampire Angelique playing gin-rummy. I said we wanted to find a redemption for her we could digest, yes? Well, it’s slow going but right now she’s whipping Blair’s butt at gin-rummy and has just won seven games of it in a row. She’s also trying to remember who the hell was talking to her (,it was the ghost of Jeremiah,) when she was dead and what the point of it was. Good Girl!

If this didn’t bust me up so much it would be much harder to edit and get done. I remember doing a performance of this scene for my husband and we pretty much “wet-’em”. Then I’m splicing in lines for Barnabas which are at a higher pitch in performance to try and get Jonathan Frid’s voice more accurate. I really like this change. The Roger lines I’m cringing to pick. Yes, Louis Edmonds would more likely inflect this word in this manner but it’s sooooo hard to let go of the old demo version!

“Cassandra? Really? Seriously? BLONDE?

It was quite husky in the demo which is funnier but not how Roger would say it, so I had to accept the alteration.

I also re-performed Lily Munster’s lines to make them less high-pitched and more accurate to Yvonne DeCarlo’s performance of her. It seems the most difficult thing to decide on when multiple female characters are in the same scene and making sure they’re different enough. I am a woman. My voice is a variance of androgyny, and it really is the female voices that are harder for me. But I hopefully did well on this scene between Lily Dracula Munster and Vampire Angelique.

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Lily thought she sensed a kindred vampire around… nope. Vampire Angelique is a bit different, so she’s having a little “chat” with her. 😉

Thank God! The sound effects for this scene are already placed in there from earlier. Oh goodie! Now time to splice in some Roger lines. I remember asking Osheen if she knew enough about Roger and Elizabeth’s parents to get this scene authentic. Osheen expressed her knowledge of their parents and said this scene would work for authenticity. Yay! So here is what Roger Collins deduces about their cousin Lily…

roger

“Hmmnnn… Mother really should have told us more about her side of the family… but then… she did always say that it was complicated. And if it’s more complicated than our lives have been, I don’t blame her for not trying to explain it.”


Not sure if I’ll keep going today. Wish I had some correspondence to attend to, but that’s the update for Episode 15, “A Blundering Succubus”.

Peace.

Analysis of Preferred Pairings for Barnabas Collins… Extended, # 1 & 2

#1) Angelique Bouchard

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Just plain koo-koo?

“The fans of this pairing aren’t but there is something upsetting them so much to feel sorry for her or it stems back to the playful deviousness. Again, I hope it’s playful!”

As it turns out, it is. Thank you, Goddess, Mother Mary, Diana, Artemis, Theotokos, Guan-Yin, Hecate, any goddess out there! Truly, I thank you! There are wonderful people who pursue RPG derivatives of Angelique on many DS fanpages and they expound words to the effect of, “He lusts me, and that is good enough.” Yes, my sweet Angelique. It is good enough. In fact it is what I predisposed long, long ago.


However that is not the only element of some fans. I highly admire the playful deviousness. They know what they are about but a few others believe in the romanticism. They simply and straight-forwardly like Angelique/Barnabas, whether it’s because Parker/Frid look good together for them, or they see a romanticism of destruction turning to the wonder of beauty regardless of all the deaths that happened, whoever much mattered in those deaths, but somehow things turned around. It’s a beauty to be savoured, a power that could not be withheld. It is Angelique/Barnabas, it happened, it’s royal, it’s somehow against all odds.

Very good. 🙂


Sadly, after that, are several who identify with Angelique as pushing the limits, offering herself beyond the call, regardless of whether that caused destruction to so many, she still deserves far more than she got. Why? I can only speculate. Is it because she was picked from convenience? Is it because she was pursued for lust, mistook that for love, and wanted to make the biggest stink about it all that the soap opera world ever witnessed? Perhaps…

But what of the fans of her? Some are as listed above. They are playful, they are romantics. These things make sense. But there are people who become incredibly upset that Barnabas did not love her. What of them?

One way or another, they either are, or believe they are, someone who deserved better, someone who was overused, abused, discarded, left to rot. (My 7-Month troll, unless she desires to continue further, is a prime example of this.) They are so self-absorbed they can’t remember what happened yesterday because they are still so fixated on what happened seventeen years ago. The very idea that who they want does not want them is decidedly hostile, even if there are scores of friends surrounding them who do want these individuals for themselves. Those people who care matter not. It is the annihilation or the possession toward those they are obsessed with. The fact that these fans care so much about that? Waste of faculties, waste of life, waste of humanity. It troubles me. It troubles me greatly. (And I often feel that way when human energy and potential is lost.)

It is one thing to enjoy a love/hate relationship on a television show or even in a book series. It is another entirely to make it a life-long habit. 😦


#2) Julia Hoffman

Julia-Hoffman-Dark-Shadows-1968

You thought #1 was bad? This one is worse. 😦

I’ve scoured for fans of the pairing I found obvious for a relief series. I don’t want popularity. I want my people. Just to get my series finished with those who would enjoy talking about it so I, myself, will have the healthy human interaction I require as a human being to complete it.

In my studies I found Barnabas Collins had longings for:

Maggie Evans

Victoria Winters

Rachel Drummond

Kitty Soames, because she was a reincarnation of Josette Dupres

and

Roxanne Drew.

And he is/was undeniably and hopelessly in love with Josette Dupres, who loved or loves him equally as strong.


He lusted Angelique.

and…

Never reciprocated Julia Hoffman’s romantic affections minus Sam Hall’s TV Guide wrap-up, which completely dismissed what became of Willie Loomis.

As I say in one of my podcasts, it makes sense that there are stories of this pairing, but the extreme wealth of it without an even-split? Stacks of Dark Shadows fanzines since the 1980s have been printed with stories almost exclusively of this pairing.

I wonder who was in charge of that objective? I wonder, but the point is a condition of control.

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This almost destroyed my Sherlock Holmes mind attempting to discover the reason for it… but I finally did.

Doctor Julia Hoffman, an icon of Women’s Liberation in the 1960s. A strong woman, a doctor, a psychologist, an intellectual… but with one unfortunate failing:

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Unrequited love.

Ah, haven’t we all had it? Well… I guess I started earlier than some: 5th grade. I was rejected. 6th grade? A few successes which led to uncertainty and then more rejection. Sad… And later? More attempts, more fails, more weirdness, more alienation, more boyfriends, more plain friends, more even odder relationships. More going steady, a few one-night-stands, more sex-less make-out flings, more bizarre entanglements between friendship, lust, the idea of true-love… and then?

I got married…

modern victorian wedding

to the best friend I ever had. ❤

Hey, maybe we all can’t be so lucky. All I know is we reciprocated each other in romance and sexuality. I experienced my variety of love until I found the person who cared the most about me. I’ve never had to make him love me, I never thought he should, he truthfully does.

What did Julia Hoffman and Barnabas Collins do? Julia wished. Barnabas didn’t. Period. One wise fellow I met online has expressed, “In romance? The man wasn’t shy.”

As it turns out there are the sympathizers and then there are the extremists of Julia/Barnabas. The extremists are the types who put their entire lives in the pursuance of partners who treated them miserably. Their partners took all they had to offer, either cheated on them or spent all the profit from their lovers to their own self-indulgence, and then eventually left these hard working sweethearts in the dust.

All right. Let’s say there is a strong woman out there who feels unloved, under-appreciated, unhappy or all of the above. What is the healthy course of action for her?

Eat,_Pray,_Love_–_Elizabeth_Gilbert,_2007

Go on a journey of new experiences, explore those as well as herself, write her own story and grow from that.

Ah, yes. That is the healthy course of action. Very good. 🙂

What is the unhealthy course of action?

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“Read my Julia/Barnabas fanfiction! READ IT! READ IT OR ELSE!”

Okay, only a few of these people get that extreme. But generally the unhealthy course of action is to identify with Julia Hoffman’s unrequited love so strongly that Julia herself becomes unimportant, as well as Barnabas Collins. It’s the symbolism of uniting them and convincing others to make it fit into their heads. Julia sympathizers don’t do this. Julia extremists do. Push out a romance that never occurred on Dark Shadows. Push it all over the place, pursue it to the ends of the Earth. Make others believe in it. Write more stories about them, create a new universe of Dark Shadows outside what was aired on television and not following the original characters behaviour, at least in this aspect. (And by which, scare other fans into silence.)

Barnabas

Barnabas Collins is now a symbol of the man who should have loved someone and is no longer himself.

This is what makes Julia sympathizers different from the extremists. Sympathizers enjoy the stories and feel better.

Extremists do not. They briefly feel better if they’ve won a fan over and then go looking for more people to pursue it with. They harness this relationship as what should have happened in their own lives. They neither Eat, Pray, nor Love. They are threatened by other stories of Barnabas loving a different lady, especially a “sweet-young-thing”. They criticize anyone who gets in their way, they angrily shake their fists at Barnabas Collins for not loving Julia. They aren’t relieved by their stories except briefly. They write more trying to believe it’s true or could have happened. The fact that these fans care so desperately about that? Waste of faculties, waste of life, waste of humanity. It troubles me. It troubles me greatly.

“Well you just wouldn’t understand, Daryl!”

Oh, wouldn’t I?

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I have created a radio drama in podcast form, in audio, to see what would happen if all of these characters got the help they needed from other spooky characters. I created it to share in the expectation I’d find several people who wanted to discuss it with me and find people of like mind. For friendship and help. I did this with all of my empathy, talent, savings, hopes, and dreams of what it could be and perhaps still can be. I received silence for 19 months for all of my pains with only the text. Now it’s downloaded continually and I barely hear from anyone enjoying it.

I live a lonely life looking for friendship and have been cast aside by many friends and relations. I made people laugh and they didn’t reciprocate me with discussion about it. Many still do not. They download a free entertainment that has turned my life upside-down from so much lack of report to it’s enjoyment from presumably uncaring, but mainly silent people, many of whom are too scared to admit they did so. For my love and hurt I am receiving the same silence Barnabas gives Julia in answer to her romantic yearning for him.

I have also worked in medicine and been a therapist, a teacher, a helper, with a deep understanding of psychology.

Why wouldn’t I understand? Of course I do.

Really, who is Dr. Julia Hoffman around here?

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She’s me. ❤