For Those of Us Who Are Still Alive…

I repeatedly get responses from a blogpost to my inbox that discourses on the pains of suicide and how that affects people.

Why is this? Why do people care enough to post about that horror when we have so much more in us for the interconnectedness of the greater good? Why are we dwelling on this? Why are we mourning these losses and talking so much about changing them when we don’t prove a tinkers dam to those who exist with us now?

We lost one of the most talented comedians in the last year.

Quotes-Alone-By-Robin-Williams-Image

Then within the last week we lost this wonderful individual:

spock

Anyone notice that word? “Human”?

Human is an essence through the Evolution of our beings. Whether you believe in Creationism or not, Evolution is real. We change. We alter. We affect our universe from the time our ancestors became curious about the way things worked, how they came into existence, and how to change them for the betterment of our lives. (This is easily seen in the last 100-200 years.)

We live in a time of great luxury and chaos. We could be so much better. But we choose to be robots online.

I am sick of that.


I learned about internet access and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like how de-humanized we were becoming. Email was impersonal. Now? It’s more personal than I ever expected it could be. But online interaction, ever since I began The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows, has gotten worse and worse and worse. If I had started my series in 2005 I believe better things would have come. People had keyboards. They didn’t take everything I had to offer from device technology with rotten keyboards. They weren’t noncommunicable to humour, they didn’t download “the world” at the press of a button, they didn’t share memes and files all the live-long day. Some people believed the internet was ONLY created for porn, but others shared our lives together in chat rooms with bad dial-up connections and we were alive anyway…

.Sailor-Senshi-sailor-senshi-6411051-1024-768

We were fighting evil by moonlight…

We enjoyed each others company, we had battles with each other, we won each others hearts, but then ICQ came and instant messaging happened. More and more of the television zombie mentality took over our souls as time went on in ways I never saw because I became alienated from the online world in all my own personal horrors.

And then I found…

Collinsport

Collinsport

A spooky place I’d never seen before as I was going through the deepest Hell of my own life. I was numb, but I pressed on. I saw potential for it, problems they had, many of which I had been through. Other spooky characters of the same time period and those that could shift and make those changes. The massive onslaught and variety of abuse I suffered sat before me and the straw that broke my camel’s back was the destruction of Sam Evans. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I had anhedonia, I had escaped my tormentors, I have been willing to call the police if my Jason McGuire dad ever dare try to enter my life again. I learned how to get a restraining order against family members if the necessity arrives.

But here is a town that is living what I lived through, all within myself. The spooky, the conflict, the destruction and all the while the homes are beautiful, the personalities in each life provide the cohesion toward change for the better. The ghosts walk, the people drink, the waves crash, the world spins. The history is rich, this place could turn around.

Wait… this is a soap-opera. This is not going to bring any lift any time soon or ever…

Unless…

Someone came up with an alteration…

Ooops, that’s not what people are posting. In so many decades no one is changing these things.

Until now…

Sadly… it’s likely too late. We post memes of our dearest desires, our vilest hurts, are fondest beliefs.

But do we live them?

I have my doubts.

I went into this to find kindred spirits, communication, a way to live, and discovered how much talent I truly had and how much farther I could go with a good audience.

I’ve made thousands of people laugh, I’ve let the hair down at Collinwood with scores of bonus characters, I’ve reached out in every way I can, I’ve spent my life savings, I’ve driven my husband mad as well as loved him with new inspiration. I’ve contacted every college radio station I could find, reached iTunes, every fandom, every avenue, the spooky, the Gothic, the science-fiction crowd, spewed my angst back on any haters that came in my way. I knew I deserved better, I knew they deserved better. I managed to get so much only to find my people were breaking down by the time I found them.

I lived long, I fought hard, I prospered, but for human innovation and communication?

I failed. 😦

I never wanted praise. I know I have talent. I am blatantly aware of it. All I had to do was listen to my demos on walks to work to know that to be true. I wanted to fuel it with a talkative audience. I wanted discussion. Then all I found were silent numbers. And… I cracked.

Maybe it is too late. Maybe my talent is not worth the resurgence of true discourse. The online world is all about like-clicks now. We aren’t talking to each other anymore. We are programmed and by that we are being destroyed.

Daleks never scared me, The Master barely irked me, but what did bother me in the world of Doctor Who?

Cybermen_formation_Doomsday

The Cybermen

The Cybermen tend towards covert activity, scheming from hiding and using human pawns or robots to act in their place until they need to appear. They also seek to increase their numbers by converting others into Cybermen (a process known as “cyber-conversion” or “robotisation” in the older episodes and “upgrading” in the newer episodes), an often painful process as body parts are removed and replaced with cybernetic replacements.

As far as I am concerned most of us have become this kind of deranged mentality. We don’t care who controls us as long as we believe we are in control somehow. However, if we aren’t truly communicating we are not in control. And as many Cybermen have complained when being faced with their own personalities again, “I’m so cold.”

And…

So am I.

Maybe it’s just too late.

Maybe this project is simply another time-waster swarmed into the cesspool the internet has become. Maybe I should do more than I did in 2013 by chunking my text and spending a rollercoaster year of sorting through the madness and finding the better people who might be believers.

Maybe I should destroy everything: the text, the audio, the updates, the marriage novel, the facebook account, the tumblr account, the wordpress account, the google account, the youtube videos, the podomatic links, the iTunes connection.

Maybe, just maybe, I should simply give up.

With the lack of communication it seems to be what everyone wants.

Because obviously…

cyberman

You’re just a dead Cyberman… aren’t you?


Prove you’re a dead Cyberman: Give me a like-click. Go ahead.

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2 thoughts on “For Those of Us Who Are Still Alive…

  1. And I can relate to what you’re saying in this post. With Robin Williams’ quote, I see this as kind of my situation, in which I would rather be alone than to suffer around people who I can’t stand. Not that I don’t want to be around people, but mainly those who contribute nothing to my happiness or peace of mind. And unfortunately, the Internet is lifeless, but if communication, followed by a deep bond, could be achieved, then perhaps the Internet connection between people could be fulfilling.

    But personally, I don’t think that it’s too late, Daryl. Your work is your legacy which is appreciated by those of us who took the time to listen, read, and acknowledge your talent, and more will follow. If this isn’t helping, then I apologize, but there is always hope out there for special people to appreciate what you give 🙂

    • morlock13 says:

      Sure does help. I haven’t been depressed for a long-long time. I was too busy investigating all the sinister aspects and being outraged at what people did to suppress others who wanted my work, as well as how aloof people are with the Internet in general. (& with DS Annotations I figured getting responses would be a piece of cake.)

      But the nasty realities of this “communication tool” is the kicker. We have so many luxuries we complain about and aren’t grateful for. I don’t feel like it’s great I’ve been able to reach so many people, I feel richly ripped off that I reached so many people but they couldn’t be arsed to reach out for me. People went around desperate to talk to comedians and such about their work that didn’t want to be bothered. Now here is someone who wants to communicate and they don’t dare, even when that’s what I’m asking for. (And I’m sure the political meme posting makes politicians happy. People think they’re making a difference by posting them. They ain’t. 😉 )

      I hope it’s not too late. Test-listening Ep. 14. Sounds good with a number of solid fixes that need to be made. But I’m still not uploading Willie’s tears without getting my Dr. Hoffman Rx of 5 solid responses up to Ep. 13. It’s too much work. Plus people can always post their enjoyment to the text version.

      And I DO agree, it’s better to be away from bad people than hang out with any ol’ one. But human interaction is healthy. And without wheels one doesn’t get much. So far we found each other. Thank you for being there. ❤

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