Michaelmas 29 September 2014

Archangel Micheal

Before my husband left for work he wished me a Happy Michaelmas. Trying to remember everything I had to do after I woke up and had my pumpkin spice coffee. Some of the new delights in this blog may have been inspired by all of those spices that stimulate this time of year. Nutmeg, cinnamon, allspice, cloves… ahh… And the touch of rain that ignites warmer passions as the year grows colder.

I tried catching up with facebook and email. A stunning pair of messages reached me. One director at a college station got in touch with me to say he’d received the parcel and passed the postcard on to someone. He enjoyed the atmosphere and said all of my actors were good! Oh, dear, I had to confess, those are all me! And I consider that a huge compliment. Next I notice this response to a forward, perhaps via the first gentleman. This chap preferred mp3s to CDs being sent and also suggested a radio drama group on facebook. A-ha! So I got over to facebook with the link he’d left me. Wow! Over 800 members to this group! I put in a request to join, made a post about everything which gave delight to pals. Next I began an email to an old co-worker of my husband and about to provide the links to my show but a button got pressed wrong and the whole thing got eaten to my anger. I finally released that anger and decided it was just as well as I had to scoot out to the shops sooner than later.

As I arrived at the market I forgot what I’d gone for. My pal at the sample counter had redone her hair even more flamboyantly to my interest and then who was there sampling? My in-laws! Hey! Excellent. I finally got a chance to let my pal know the recent drama and the good news, the latter being far more exciting. Then I finished up my shopping and my in-laws gave me a ride home.

It was getting into the late afternoon so I looked over the recipes and got the oven going, cleaned out the sink, cleaned out the goose, put slices of garlic into the areas I’d opened, sprinkled it with a seasoning mix I just bought, found a cookie sheet, placed the pan on top with the goose and some water inside and set the timer.  Now I’ve got hours to settle down and do more.  This table desperately needs a change of cloth. The one on it now would have been preferable with the Autumn colours but it’s filthy. Let’s get the basic black.

Ah, yes, no tin for the pumpkin cornbread, get paper cups and muffin tins, that’s cleaner and easier. Now on to the pumpkin soup; the market had presented a recipe for that with chunks of baked potato and kale. I’m using apples instead for lower carbohydrates. So no pomme de terre but just pomme. Ah, a pie tin. That’ll work. The goose has been in the oven for two hours while I listened to recordings of my Aunt’s radio show for a change of pace. Oh, I love this episode in the coffee house and the old house mate suddenly being their waiter and offering them meals gratis. “Well, now I’ve gotta look back at the menu and see what the most expensive thing is,” one of the characters complained.

I spray the pie tin with olive oil, put on the apple chunks and kale and started a timer. My mum-in-law had suggested half an hour to bake them. Glad I ran into them so I could ask that! Then I got the pumpkin cornbread mixture into the papered muffin tins. The timing would be close to the baking time of the apples and kale and the goose would be in a bit longer because I couldn’t find the damn thermometer for it, so might as well bake it a while more, just in case.

I manage to throw up on facebook what I’m doing and attend to various notifications. Oh, great. ABC is running the 2012 Dark Shadows movie on Halloween. Here’s a thread that’s going to get negative attention. Well, I’m already half a sheet to the wind on cider. I’ll say again how glad I am people hate that movie that cleared my way, likely allowed those Barnabas/Maggie and Barnabas/Josette stories to start taking place all around the same time in the Summer of 2013 while the DS World was harping on the darn film ad nauseaum! I’m okay with that film ‘cause the bastard finally jumped for his bloody woman and TWICE. But what the Hell? We don’t have basic TV anymore and I’ll likely spin “The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”, or perhaps my VHS mixture which includes a bad ending for Raggedy Ann and Andy’s “The Pumpkin Who Couldn’t Smile.” (The one I taped ends right after it looks like the pumpkin splat on the ground, and then the credits roll.)

Rootbeer Brothers Halloween A&W 5

                Daryl’s Husband arrives and helps out with the muffins, makes the green peas which I’d completely forgot about. Hmm… they’ve been in the freezer for months. We’ll see. And so we finally get it all squared away and take a few photos. Because there is a dragon theme in Michaelmas I also placed that wonderful Green Dragon story Michael Hutchence read in the film “Dogs In Space” to my facebook post. Hmm, I want to hear that song about contemplating suicide and not doing it. I’ve certainly done a lot of that in the last year. So with that, the “Dogs In Space” soundtrack becomes the music for Michaelmas. Kinda fits considering its main icon is Michael Hutchence. (R.I.P.)

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Superb dining is to be had. So this is what it’s like to be a guest-judge on Iron Chef! It must be the best meal I’ve ever put together for Michaelmas. The goose is better than ever, the soup is to die for, the pumpkin cornbread is tasty as all-get-out and the peas are fine. Old, but fine. But, uh-oh, husband isn’t too keen on the soup. Did I throw too much Parmesan on top? How is it without? Oh, he’s not good with the kale. Damn! And the whole tureen is infected with kale now because I couldn’t find a place to separate the ingredients like they did at the sample table weeks ago.

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Michaelmas 2

And now for the traditional discussion: Because this is like an Anglican Thanksgiving but involves an Archangel that conquers a dragon, I’ve likened the discussion not for thankfulness solely, but for that which we’ve conquered both internally and externally. Or inner demons that we’ve managed to make friends with since last Michaelmas. And as usual, we have the celebration of not having committed suicide through everything. (This is not mentioned facetiously, but with a hint of chuckling awkwardness.)

“I made it through this year of a roller-coaster ride with you and your project and your own emotional roller-coaster.”

“Yes, I was speculating how all that stuff came out last year and thinking, ‘What the Hell is going on with me? This fricken erotica?’ Spewing out here and there and the old version was all over the place and I would switch chapters, move them around as I called out to friends, ‘What’s happening?!’ Asking friends who don’t really know the characters, ‘What the Hell is going on? What is this?’ And they’re just like, ‘This is the best fricken smut I’ve ever read!’ And I say, ‘Well, that’s great! But who the Hell wants this???’

“Then to finally have the people be able to come to me and they did want it, it’s an inner demon I’ve made friends with; to be okay with writing erotica for characters that were very suppressed and hadn’t reached each other yet and my being overtaken by these characters… Then we have encouragement not to leave the reader hanging. I was waiting for it to collapse on me again completely. Then ‘The Wedding Day’ came out and I was amazed. All the stuff to figure out how to reach those who did want it after wondering so long why I was pressed to pursue the erotica at all. Then the encouragement increases the vibrancy of each chapter, creates new ones and the entire novel starts blending together into an actual story. The experience is like an inner demon that I made friends with from last November when it was all coming out randomly. I’m happy about that. “

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Another dragon conquered for Daryl’s Husband, “Your emotional roller-coaster; the valleys on that were certainly a struggle, more so for you than for me, but they were a struggle for me as well.”

“Then,” I said, “you joined me in the podcast intros.”

He nodded, and blushed, “Certainly been appreciative of the romance that has been re-ignited.”

Yeah,” I responded, smiling, “that’s kind of an accomplishment, too, to take what was given and be able to use that channeling for ourselves. In a way that fits… right now… a thankfulness in receiving something that we weren’t sure about as you read the chapters with me. And there were moments when you were surprised by something that went down on paper and wondered if there was a boundary that we were crossing that we hadn’t crossed before… because of them. I think that’s the best way to say it.”

He agreed, then added, “And getting a job for me, to be able to finally pay the bills. At times all of this included has been pretty overwhelming.”

He was switching gears, but I went back to the previous topic after assenting to his feelings about that one, “And I’ve gone with this to the point of stretching beyond the call, and seeing if there was anything I could make up for that I’d done wrong in all of my angst. As it turns out… not really, but knowing that I tried my best to extend myself and offer olive-branches to anyone whose feelings I might have hurt. Knowing that I did my best with various people, and knowing that in the long-run there are people who won’t listen or understand. But having done my best to make that attempt to bring understanding to those who are so negative… there’s nothing more to be done. There’s nothing you can do but do your best. If it doesn’t work, it just doesn’t work talking to some people.”

We continue the meal, wondering what to do with the additions on the goose in order to make a soup and not waste anything. Putting all of the goodies away as we finish up. I think this is one of the rare times we have major Michaelmas leftovers. I’d almost added fried zucchini and was glad I didn’t. A glass covering for the pumpkin cornbread… and then we rifled around for something to put the goose in. What the heck is going to fit? Remove things from the fridge and, ack, that’s not working, it’s not big enough, where is that long Pyrex dish we got from Rick as a wedding gift? Scrambling through cupboards we finally find it, clean it, and it’s a perfect fit. THANK YOU, RICK! (I wonder if he’ll ever even see this journal.)

The green peas made it in so the soup pot could go on top of that, but my husband suggested turning the pot lid upside-down to make sure the handle didn’t jam for space. It worked!

There was a wind-up of one more struggle to note on this day. I had made friends who ended up making the work much harder and more stressful, and as it turned out they weren’t friends, but trying to control what I was doing, being so obsessed with the original program to the point I had to wonder what stake they had in all of this. Obsession is understandable in the Dark Shadows fandom but I had more reason to be obsessed as they are spectators to what I’m doing and I’m the one creating it with so much more. The hope now is to find the people who want it.

If I could do this in a way that didn’t find the people who either enjoyed it and despised me, or didn’t appreciate the direction it’s heading, I would love to find that way. So far there are several complainers. All they seem to be doing is making more noise which brings me to receive more numbers and downloads as lurkers wonder what the Hades these complainers are even talking about. It’s a little like what happened with Monty Python’s film, “The Life of Brian”. That movie was more publicized by haters who didn’t understand it than any advertising Monty Python could have achieved if they tried. I remember the troupe suggested sending gifts of fruit-baskets to the picketers of it.

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                Who is watching, I wonder, when these haters rise and I speak or shrug? How much can this creator take? Do they wonder that? Well, now I’ve been pushed so hard by silence to reach all the fandoms involved, email every college radio station in the United States, plunk down links to any Barnabas/Josette video on youtube when I discovered what specific fans I needed to look for, yearned to be with my fellow creative Goths again, pursued podcasting sites, and now a place that embraces radio dramas specifically.

How big shall The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows become? I don’t know. But I do know I have goals. Five perspectives per episode would be sufficient. Will I hear more? Will people finally de-program from this internet laziness The Powers That Be may have been incorporating into our lifestyles? Could this radio series bring the kind of change Barnabas Collins sees in the bride he desired for so long? Her gregarious nature finally bringing the crux into his home and estate and the people there?

Many a groaning woman wonders, “Why do you love me?” to their mates. One so romantic as Barnabas Collins has given his answer in my series, “I love you, because you love everyone, my Maggie, my Josette.”

I am thinking of aurochs and angels, the secret of durable pigments, prophetic sonnets, the refuge of art. And this is the only immortality you and I may share, my Lolita.

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Maybe I’ve Been Looking In The Wrong Places

Just got a little feedback from a group called “Gothic Creations”. It took me a while to realize that many Gothic types, such as myself, are looking for people to talk to about what they’re doing. Well, I’ve done my bat embroidery, and then there is this BIG one… spooky, Gothic… audio and thought provoking… Hmm… I wonder where they are? I think I’ll start looking.

One thing is certain… a person who really loves my work gave up on DS… I think it was that desire for an upswing that just never happened… And so… here I am.

I was perusing Gothic photos and found one of those photos with a slogan. It said, “Happy Goth… Less Conformist Than Normal Goth.” I had to burst out laughing, “That’s me!”

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I adore that cheery bloke in the background!

So, what I have here is a project and one I’m hoping you will enjoy. However, having internet woes, transportation woes, and loneliness woes, I started to become very frazzled as I continued. I just had so little help in creating this and I want to create so much more, but without dialogue over enjoyment, coupled with some severe haters and manipulative types, it’s just tough to keep trying. But it’s a labour of love, involves a ton of recognizable characters and has had thousands of dollars spent on it. With almost no help I managed to reach this podcast and radio drama to iTunes.

http://xoiscythe.podomatic.com/entry/2014-01-28T11_03_58-08_00

It is a huge mixture of old spooky shows and movies. All the characters help each other out and there are currently 12 episodes of it. I’ve worked over 2 years in creating it and it’s heavily downloaded. I discovered one of my problems is the romantic pairings in one of the fandoms. That fandom, Dark Shadows, is better now but has been an absolute nightmare for the shy fans of it for forty-years. The internet decay in communication that began about 2007 made that even worse. Now I have to encourage them to speak. I know they can, they’re just afraid. (Someone in across the Atlantic contacted me today. Very shy fellow.)

So, here it is, Wadsworth from Clue steps in first to help, Slimer shows up briefly, The Addams Family is included, Lily Munster also, Norman Bates has a cameo, Freddy Krueger is mentioned but not by name, The Ghost & Mrs. Muir are very involved, and it’s all hosted by two spooky characters from The Kids In The Hall: Sir Simon Milligan & Manservant Hecubus.

Please have mercy. I have been through Hell… truly

http://xoiscythe.podomatic.com/

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  349

Gimme the ring, kissed and told
Gimme something that I missed (Gimme the ring)
A hand to hold, wild and what it seems (Gimme the ring)
Kill the king when love is the law
And the wheel turn round… (Gimme the ring)
Gimme dream child
And do you hear me call? (Gimme the ring)
On the loan and on the level
…Still on the floor (Gimme the ring)
Sing dream child
And do you hear at all?

(Sing)
(Sing)
Hey now, hey now now, sing This Corrosion to me
Hey now, hey now now, sing This Corrosion to me
Hey now, hey now now, sing This Corrosion to me
Hey now, hey now now, sing…

Gimme siren, child and do you hear me?
Gimme siren, child, and do you hear me call?
Sing, child, of right and wrong
Gimme things that don’t last long
Gimme siren, child, and do you hear me call?

(Sing)
(Sing)
Hey now, hey now now, sing This Corrosion to me
Hey now, hey now now, sing This Corrosion to me
Hey now, hey now now, sing This Corrosion to me
Hey now, hey now now, sing…

On days like this
In times like these
I feel an animal deep inside
Heel to haunch on bended knees
Living on if and if I tried
Somebody send me… please…
Dream wars and a ticket to seem
Giving out and in
Selling the don’t belong
Well, what do you say
D’you have a word for Giving Away?
Got a song for me?

(Sing)
(Sing)
Hey now, hey now now, sing This Corrosion to me
Hey now, hey now now, sing This Corrosion to me
Hey now, hey now now, sing This Corrosion to me
Hey now, hey now now, sing…

I got nothing to say I ain’t said before
I bled all I can, I won’t bleed no more
I don’t need no one to understand
Why the blood run hold
The hired hand
On heart
Hand of God
Floodland and Driven Apart
Run cold
Turn
Cold
Burn
Like a healing hand
Like a healing hand
Like a healing hand
Like a healing hand

Gimme the ring:

gimme the ring

I Stagger About The House… in Tremors of Love…

Inspiration is everything in our home right now… No… we don’t role-play… there is no need… It’s all rather lovely… we are ourselves… as these two couples are…

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And my knees were like reflections of knees in rippling water… – Vladimir Nabokov, “Lolita”

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“I know that you are dead but still you are alive. I’m not afraid of death, only of living without you. I’m yours. There’s no ceremony that could make me more your wife.”

“You are my wife, yes, as you were always meant to be.”

Josette Dupres & Barnabas Collins

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 I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss. – Gomez Addams

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“Even if I were to leave Collinwood tomorrow, I know that my feelings would not change. Wherever I go I would think of you. I would always have to fight that urge to come back to try and find you. That’s why I know it’s useless for me to think of leaving… you could not stay away because you know our destinies are one. That there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can keep us apart. … I’ve dreamed about it for so long. I don’t care about those things that I don’t understand. Those things you said about our new life together. I only want to be with you. Don’t let me go. Please, take me with you… Barnabas, please take me with you.” – Josette Dupres

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Gomez: To live without you, only that would be torture.
Morticia: A day alone, only that would be death.

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“Too many have wanted me and never heard, too many have made me curious but not enough… and all I wanted was you… and all you could achieve… all we could achieve. My hopes were so high that I’ve feared you to fade in the many mists you have in the past. My cruelty, my truth to think perhaps one day I would know what we were. Oh… We have that now and,”

I shuddered and we halted as Barnabas took my hands to his chest and continued to tell me,

“I can’t let you go, Josette. I won’t let you go. But the uncertainty of over a century still lingers in the shades of fear within my heart. Each day and night I welcome you to me, always having wanted you for yourself through all of my misguidance and now…” 

“Margaret Josette Dupres” Chapter 30

Oh yes

Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again! – Morticia Addams

Maggie and Barnabas

She was all that was sacred to me, all that I held dear, all that I could allow myself to be one with. In spirit she protected us and corporeally we protected each other with sanctuary… 

“Margaret Josette Dupres” Chapter 33


I have likely been up for two hours ruminating all of these things in my own wedded bliss, as my paramour sleeps nearby, and I, sliding across the plush carpet beneath my toes… in a celebration of understanding these two loves beyond comprehension blended into our own.

Perhaps someday these Gothic pleasures will find others to heal them… but tonight? They heal us… and hopefully will continue to do, so long as the sun and the moon shall endure…

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My heart seemed everywhere at once… Never have I experienced such agony. I would like to describe her face, her ways– and I cannot, because my own desire for her blinds me when she is near.  – Vladimir Nabokov, “Lolita”


Goodnight, my tender, silent ones… and perhaps someday soon you will speak, and we all will stand a chance of harnessing the wealth of human talent that has been ignored for millennia and is now eager, all around the world, for release.


Barnabas Collins: I didn’t say perfect, did I…? I said divine

Morticia Addams: She… she… she has the gift!

The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows: Episode 13 “A Balancing of The Humours”

Discussion with the postman ^_^ (More packages for The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows to college radio.)

The postman came by and picked up another package to a college radio station. “Still workin’ hard, eh?”

“Oh, yes,” I told him, “And all just to get the chit-chat.”

We discussed various nuances in my work to find the fuel I need. I expressed to him I had to hunt down the people who specifically wanted what I was doing because so many had given up even looking for it. He pointed out that it was a very good thing for me to offer so much to others and that importance of understanding it.

I said, “I do, but all I want is the discussion over it to enhance my motivation. If I had had 5 people in this neighbourhood to share it with I likely never would have posted it online. I just don’t have that support. Plus with the type of people these are there is a fear of the word ‘review’. I’m not looking for bolstering so much as wanting to be a spectator with them. On top of which the positive types are extremely shy online these days. It would be good to bring back a positive influence since there is so much negative online now. That’s what I really want to encourage. Also, a comedian on stage has the benefits of seeing and hearing the reactions. All I need is the discussion. Five people would be sufficient. I’ve got more downloads, though, than I ever could have dreamed. It’s a little scary.”

“Well,” he said, “keep trying! It sounds like a good thing you’ve got going.”

But what did I get in the mail? Yay! A card from a pen friend, who isn’t a listener or reader of my work. She explained it all beautifully (and likely decorated this card herself). She writes: “Silence, especially to ones creative efforts/humor is, at the very least, alienating and isolating – at worst a killer. I wish for an end to that for you and much appreciation for the encompassing world you have created.”

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A friend of old comes out from the shadows… And a nice day occurs…

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Yesterday I looked for folks to call as I occasionally make attempts for moral support. From listeners and readers I ask for chat; can we share the joy of this creation together? My friend who surprisingly answered the phone said, “I suck at reviews.” I told her, “I’m not looking for reviews perse, I’m looking for dialogue. People chat up the base show to death on FB fanpages. They got the chat in them. I want to enjoy this with people. I’m not doing it on my own. I can’t be. It’s the characters. This is hard work, but The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows is an experience, and I want that discussion of this experience with them.”

Besides which, she already gave *great* dialogue already!


podcast listener  . Feb 9

Still heck of digging on the 4th wall violations, really fun cameos, and running gags. The Golden Girls in the intro and then Sophia popping up again later in the 4th episode was hilarious, and Wadsworth pulling out the Frank N Furter musical interlude was HI-larious. Really digging the Twin Peaks references. Caught the Time Machine hat tip on the second listen, and am looking forward to re-listening to all of them so that I can pick up on the gold that I am missing on the first run through. And your delivery – I will never tire of that. You have a very pleasant voice and a deft hand at characterization. I can’t speak to character fidelity for all of them (haven’t had a chance to pick up Dark Shadows), but those that I do know have been easy to follow, and I haven’t noticed myself getting lost between any of the character shifts. I will have more feedback as I listen further. Thanks!

Lately people tend to make excuses. I figure if they have time to listen to an episode and digest it, they have time to talk about it. I also told her I’m sick of hearing, “That’s just the way things are…” Yes, that attitude doesn’t get anyone anywhere. If we accepted that we’d still be in the dark ages and sleeping in our own poop with the livestock. No thanks.
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“Yeah,” she responded, “We weren’t doin’ too well back then.”
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She asked, “What are you doing tomorrow?” Now, y’all know I’m socially suffocating and in this project even worse, so when she heard we were going to tea for our wedding anniversary she at first faulted herself for forgetting the date (in this thing I forget the day of the week it is!) and she was concerned to be getting in the way. I tried to invite her to come very quick saying it wasn’t always something we celebrated on our own and sheesh! We’re on our own WAY TOO OFTEN! Besides, I need someone who understands my humour and such humour as the likes of this:
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My husband manages to wake me up this morning. As I’m getting ready I tell him, “Well, I finally got the Barnabas lines for Episode 13 done last night.”
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“Oh, good,” he says.
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“Yeah. I was listening to him a lot and I think he needs to be at a higher register than what I’ve been doing. I think I’m getting his voice too low.”
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Our old pal finally arrives in a car I had never seen. How she manages all of this is amazing as we both learned driving late in life than the usual expectation. I still have no license. So we sat on the porch and I performed the scene with Willie Loomis and Wadsworth. I had to explain to her that Willie Loomis is much more attractive and far more psychologically screwed up than in the film, which she knows more. But she loves Wadsworth, she knows some of the details and she’s cracking up at this conversation they have together where Wadsworth has to provide information opposite to what Willie knows of Collinsport. A scene that came to me in the wee hours and didn’t let me sleep. Yet another highlight in my madness.
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We all get ready and head out to the tea parlour we go to each year for our wedding anniversary. We had our wedding reception at this tea parlour after a short and small service, done flash-mob style outside a Victorian house. (Helena, don’t give away where! *wink* ) The historical landmark wanted about as much money as we’ve spent on The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows just for a few hours of time. No way, I decided, we’ll make it small, quick and sign the papers before going to the tea parlour for the reception where everyone else was waiting. We all wore Victorian clothing and took photos. It was a hot day, but it was fun, except I’ve only felt that in retrospect after my anhedonia lifted, and remember the anhedonia lifted in great part from creating The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. This is what’s given me so much confidence in it in the long run. So, having feelings again I can retroactively enjoy my wedding day in memory, but at the time, inside, I was as dead as a door nail, however much I smiled on the outside.
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Today the menu was precisely what we all needed. It makes me happy I picked the best time to get married as their Autumn special has become one of my favourite meals in the last few years. Mmm, dark greens, the teas of our choice, the best you’ve ever sipped, and we live it up like Lady Hampshire. Of course we discuss what’s been plaguing me for ages and what on Earth is wrong with communication online as far as long-term discussion goes. I explained that somehow the wind-up novel was reviewed much better and perhaps it was from less characters since the radio drama has so many more and is in audio. What I’d liked especially was the three different takes on making Angelique the midwife, “Because her and Josette were friends. Josette was the only born-of-wealth type that really befriended her which makes it all so much worse and that’s why I want to see them friends again. But the different takes were great because Willie as the godfather of a reincarnated baby Sarah is not happy with Angelique being the midwife or having any control, but Barnabas explains that Maggie, as Josette, knows what she’s doing and considering how bad he and Willie had been she’s wise enough to understand how these things will go. I got three different perspectives: One person was on the edge of their seat, another felt it was very sweet and a wonderful idea to go down that direction and another said, “I’m with Willie on this one! I wouldn’t trust her!” And that’s exactly the viewpoints I’ve been looking for all along. It’s like watching the show and getting those takes.
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Afterwards we hit one Japanese stationery store and I look over the notebooks. I don’t need any of these. I’ve already gotten my new notebook waiting for me to detail more accuracy in my series as my old one is getting so full. So I move on to another stationery store to check out their Halloween goodies. The only temptation I had were some bat decorations. One of which might have been good for a template on the clothing I decorate. But it wasn’t enough. Still glad to see all the Dia de los Muertos items still available. I step out, buying nothing and greet my husband and friend.
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What are we truly tempted by? A thrift store! Where is that store we like around here? Oh it moved. IT MOVED?! MY GOODNESS! So she has her smartphone to guide us along and confesses, “Yes, smart phones are making people stupid.” We also comment as much as the voice sounds like Majel Barrett, it should sound more like her. So we get lost and try to maneuver the twisted metro-suburban creation of our unplanned region. All the while I’m explaining how bizarre this pairings weirdness in the Dark Shadows fandom is and how I had to discover that whatever stories existed for this pairing were rare, usually went down badly, and likely had more that were left in shoeboxes in dark closets collecting dust throughout our own lifespans. Makes you wonder. Not that my strong but silent fans wonder too much about that anymore. *wink*
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“And I didn’t think about preferences, myself,” I tell her, “I was just trying to sort it all out and figure out all the other fandoms, research them and introduce them to step in and help these people. I hardly had time to worry about romantic preferences in the Dark Shadows fandom… but I did see what had happened and it blows me away how long this all has been going on. And I was trying to figure out why all of that adult stuff came out of me… not that we aren’t happier together because it did.”
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To which I describe a couple times Jonah came over as the novel was being written. Any time he was out of the room my husband I were at each other like bees making honey.
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At last, we arrive at the thrift store and we’re astounded by the change in atmosphere in that part of town. I am amazed at how many trousers I’ve found with pockets. As many ladies understand, we get hosed when in comes to pockets in our clothing. Most of them fit and fit well! There are even the things I was looking for: more CD cases so I can send out more CDs of The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows to college radio stations. And some Halloween socks. I like my butler boots and have fun creating new socks in images to go with them. What is amazing is many of these items never have been used and are still bearing the original tags. It’s like we’re producing so much “stuff” it doesn’t even get bought and ends up in thrift stores without prior usage.
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Next we head over to Beverages and More and what amazing ciders await. Ace has a Pineapple kind of which “Daryl’s Husband” is ecstatic that I pointed it out. Also some with ginger in them (which I’m sipping as I type this). Of course our buddy gets to hear about one “sign” for The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows. She knows Jonah and knows him well. So when she hears how he was at the door unexpectedly as we’re discussing Bloody Marys in the series her jaw drops. Yep, and there are many more signs on this thing. It’s scary. Something is going on…
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I don’t know what it is but it’s kept me so focused on it that I can’t enjoy any other media. I just can’t stay tuned in to it. My friend is about to attend a movie I want to see, but I can’t go with her. I know I just won’t be able to sit through it long enough.
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“Plus,” I tell her, “I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I’m channeling Willie Loomis again. That’s why I told you, and I really feel this is true, I need to find support from people in the performing arts if I can’t get it anywhere else. Going to facebook, asking for help, explaining myself and then the best I get usually is a bunch of like-clicks? I’ve already tried to approach various others; Joel Hodgson, Nostalgia-Critic, Elvira, crap, I even wrote letters to DS cast members, and tried to contact actors from NextGen. There’s just gotta be someone I can be put in touch with to help me endure this. Ever since I channeled Willie Loomis last October and got in touch with his troubles, I’ve been suicidal over this and all because I’m not getting it all discussed with me. These are my adopted kids and Willie’s not crying the most but he’s my baby. I can’t go through it again and have it turn out like it did last October. I know all they saw was the text but… It’s just not going to work for me to keep getting so much silence… and I don’t even know what the numbers are at iTunes. Podcasters have explained how secretive that site it, but I know something is happening over there from the popularity bars.”
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As she tries to digest all of this we unload the ciders and she gets to take some special ones home with her. My husband offers them exceedingly. (I think he’s still concerned she foot the bill for our tea.) So we hug and try to make sure another possibility for the future is lined up. My friend doesn’t have any answers, but, as Maggie Evans says to Victoria Winters when the latter wishes there was something she could do to help, “You did help. You listened to me.” 🙂
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Barnabas Collins: “They want to hear him stop complaining… and *I* am no exception.”

Bettersweet

If anyone has listened to my intros, they’ve heard that I don’t creep into the minds of these characters slightly, I channel them, get in touch with who they are, how they feel, what they’re motives are, reenact their behaviour, both in voice, but since you haven’t seen me, you likely don’t see the change in how I look when this happens.

Back when I had a cold for over a month and couldn’t voice act but was looking for ways to promote The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows to possible fans of it, having less of an idea that the problem was romantic pairings, “Margaret Josette Dupres” started to happen. I’ve explained how that did in the novel itself. But what no one knows is that as it was happening I was going into realms of channeling I’d never gone through before and it shocked me.

I had no idea there was so much M-Rated material at fanfiction.net until I couldn’t find my “one-shot”, then when I did… WOW! The entire idea of adult material for screen characters was a weird concept to me. I had a rough-draft of “The Wedding Night” and thought, “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” I hadn’t opened my facebook account to find so many Dark Shadows fans so all I had to rely on is friends who didn’t know Dark Shadows much and ask them what they thought. They thought it was damn good and beyond what they’d seen before. What I was dying to ask someone and kept on trying to ask is, “WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME???”

Okay, channel Roger, I get it, channel Pop, wise man, everyone gets a turn, no one takes over… until… Willie Loomis in which case I go ape-shit as he has a tendency to do.

Now here I am writing erotica for Barnabas and a reincarnated Josette. What the HELL??? I’m not in love with Barnabas Collins! Everyone around me seems to be. I empathize with him. Listening to him go on forever about Josette… well, most people want to smack him and throw him at Julia or Angelique or an OC character. Me? I finally sat down to write more of “Margaret Josette Dupres”. With all of that whining and moaning Barnabas does for her, one hand went over my heart with that concern.

The other hand? I got so aggravated by the excessive story telling and woe-as-me jargon, that other hand turned into a fist and I almost growled, “I’m… going… to… make… you… shut-up! HERE! Have at her! How about her breast in your mouth?! Will THAT finally appease you, old man?! … oh… my… ah-hem… I see that it does.” ^_^

But what was happening to me? Well, I’m not in love with Barnabas Collins, but I did fall in love with another character after channeling him: Willie Loomis. He made the first crack in my 8 years of ice. Another shock about which more later. (This is why he got his own chapters as well.)

Now, as I analyzed this love between Barnabas & Josette it certainly was excessive. Any screen time showed an incredible tenderness I had never seen before. If I didn’t understand why so many people drooled over Jonathan Frid’s abilities I certainly saw it now. And that marriage to Jeremiah or Barnabas’ marriage to Angelique? Hmm, everyone is wearing black, there’s been a lot of deaths around here… but then what’s going on now?

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Kissing in full-mourning regalia.

This was the thing that told me, “Wait… she’s a widow… and one of the reasons she’s a widow is because of him!” So how much more of an intense love do you want?

Then the vampire curse… but can this guy stay away? Nope. Gotta go say one last farewell… Is she going to stand for that when she finds out? Hell no. And what does he give her?

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Y’all let me know if anyone else wore that ring.

This is why I say Josette Dupres is not under-developed. If anything she’s over-developed into a plethora of facets. 1795 is merely one of the areas she’s developed. Another is the ghostly persona helping others. Then we have Kitty Soames, the strait reincarnation who recognizes someone with no aid from her paramour and… does… this:

Kitty Strangles Angelique

If this dame wasn’t so ticked off at being screwed over I can’t see why she would bother strangling her old chum. And yes Josette likely showed Angelique the most kindness back in the day which makes what Angelique did to her even more horrendous. (But I do want to see Angelique happy, too. Mind you, Angelique and I share a problem in common: neglect.)

Then another clue I saw in analyzing Maggie Evans was the earrings that belonged to Josette.

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She’s so into these things she’s hardly interested in going on a date with Joe when he finally brings them back to her after having them secretly appraised. Sure, she’s ready to go to the restaurant with him… if they serve baby-food.

Pretty cheezy, but he sure left in a huff. I blame neither of them.

For me I saw these clues. To solve everything what is going to make the most sense? Maggie = Josette. Even other writers appeal to this sense in the long-run because they analyze the show as well and they see the evidence. Why it was never done before I have only deduced from what I’ve heard of the bullying against such stories as far as sharing them. So I’m sure those stories have existed but likely resting in a shoebox in several dark closets and collecting dust. (In fact one fan of my work still writes about this pair. I’d like to view her material but I respect her privacy on that because she, herself, has gone through far more than enough of said bullying from other fans.)

So there I am channeling this end result of my series in perplexity. Channel Barnabas Collins in his intense desire for this dame he goes on about so much that it sickens people? He’ll go on about her wonders to excess:


I exhaled with her and responding to her embrace with my own, fed myself with her kiss as she fed from mine. Something there created an echo of the ocean waves so much farther than either of us could usually hear and I remembered what we’d been given to make it permanent: Everlasting Life. The possibility of joy beyond centuries of time, as we’d been waiting so long for this upcoming day. Her breath pushing on my face as mine did toward her. These sounds and moist expressions of love began to create a longing and I knew what she meant. To wait for tomorrow…

[Margaret Josette Dupres, Chapter One]


The incessant love I felt for my once lost Josette, was imploding on destiny toward this new bride, who was both her and Maggie Evans. And I sensed an unknown temptation of scintillation upon every aspect of my skin. What cared I for the blood of other mortals… when the blood of her inner soul was all that mattered to me?

[Margaret Josette Dupres, Chapter Two]


I had known the frightening, though delicious enjoyment of removing Josette’s wedding gown, even suffering to destroy the undergarment of it as she had allowed. This was a bold mixture of torrid agony and blissful excitement. In all her passion the sweetness never left her, but her other components, as lovely as the original, were there.

Ah, of something new, it was helping her to dress. She showed me all of the new methods to lace her up or latch her clothing. And Maggie did something unique as I watched her in front of her vanity table, now as the mess had been cleaned, that is. She beckoned me to stand closer and then put the hair brush into my hand. I looked at it and then at her uncertainly and she almost laughed, “Go ahead, I’ve worked through whatever tangles at the end we managed together last night.”

I began slowly at the top and then felt the thrush down, not wanting to mar a single filament on her head. I saw through the mirror, (which yes, did reflect us,) that her eyes closed and she was experiencing a certain pleasure from this simple custom. I stood and gathered her tresses underneath, feeling the prickles against my hand as I went down with the strokes from the brush. It strangely enticed me. Could all of this be so? I’d always wondered what would happen but my imagination failed me to understand the possibilities as so many obstacles kept steering us away from this bliss.

As I continued her scent floated to me and I found myself drawing the brown locks away, putting the brush down and pressing my lips to her neck. She took my arms and guided me in the embrace of her.

[Margaret Josette Dupres, Chapter 5. He’s so in love with her that merely brushing her hair is a bloody turn-on!]


Kitty, my beauty, for who I both mourn and am grateful to have again in this Margaret, dazzles my interest. And if it were not for her, it may not have been so obvious what was happening to us. Something was trying, and when one looks at the chronology of our history, to keep us alive, and to gather us together at that alter of union. And she was brave to come out and say so. Of course it tickles me that she recognized our tormentor, Angelique, and immediately went to throttle the life out of her. For this… Kitty is the name I often use when I see that sweet justice again, in my Maggie.

[Margaret Josette Dupres, Chapter 8]


The lovely thing of all this is, she knows what ought to be and does it with exquisite divinity. As always, in all her lives, she is not one who likes to idle, and that is the sadness for those who cannot know her. Others see her as sweetness only, a trifling happiness and without any complexity. But *I* know better, as do her entourage for which I take up my pen to explain these things.

[Y’all think Daryl made that up on her own? Barnabas just keeps going. Damn vampire… Even when she beats him he’s still in love:]


I moaned and wasn’t sure if it was agony or ecstasy. Maggie Evans… Josette Dupres… she was having her revenge on me and she was gaining her compensation as well. Exerting what I needed to be forgiven. The blows to my face were at least some small distraction to the icy chill surrounding me. As well as my pride coming up in all of this. Yes. I was proud of her.

I could feel Josette’s anger towards me and her love. And in this new bond she noticed that I did and her hand slowly went down to her side at first but then came up and produced one more resounding strike across my face. She had strength and my cheeks burned with that strength. We both took a deep breath together and a deep exhale. I looked at her in loving appreciation, hoping she was sated.

My sweet angel that I had turned foul… please… let everything out.

[Margaret Josette Dupres, Chapter 14]


I looked into her eyes and thought of that night. There we were again in that bed but sharing that memory at the table she waited on. Sitting side by side once more in total ignorance that we’d met again. We thought of that together as we lay there, the dampness beneath me on the sheets, the dampness on my thumb as it slid across her cheek. All the turmoil we’d suffered and here we were, our passion having been so strong, now our love was made that much stronger by what we’d overcome.

[Margaret Josette Dupres, Chapter 15]


There are even certain descriptions of their intimacy that came out of my latest run of the story where I discuss them with Barnabas. Certain things I was worried would offend people because they were so intimate, at least to me. Internally I’d ask, “Do you TRULY want to say that, Old Man?”

Yes, he did. Ugh! All right, all right, all right. Ever try writing Barnabas Collins in first person while tapping into the mans’ mannerisms? If you ever have then you know he’s a heavy pusher of the thesaurus. That guy is PICKY! (And it’s a bit irritating that he is.)

And in all of this… did I really… finally make him shut-up about her? NoGarrr! He just goes on and on about Josette, he won’t stop. He finally has her, he’s making up for all of that lost time of not being able to appreciate her up-close and personal. I, myself, get tired and ask him, “Can’t we describe the room? Can’t we do something more with the background, the setting, don’t you love the damn house as much?” >_<

“No!” he seems to scream, “The orange-brown glow of her eyes, the elation I have in touching her skin, the talent she has for delighting in things both large and small!”

“Okay, fine! Dammit, Old Man, you’re gonna put me in a hospital.”

But... at least he’s not complaining. ^_^

And Josette? She’s barely any different. She fought like hell to reincarnate ad nauseam and she won’t shut up about how she feels toward Barnabas. She’s happily got him and got him by every last nerve of his being. She enjoys that far more than a cowboy at a steak and potatoes supper. The fun part is Barnabas Collins does not like Clelland’s novel “Fanny Hill”. Josette Dupres? She’s amused and entertained, the little beast. (Me? I’m with Barnabas. Not really my thing.)

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So imagine my relief when Sam Evans had a ton to say! Getting him down, particularly as the reincarnation of Andre Dupres was no little task. I love when he’s in that bedroom and says he chooses NOT to dwell on what goes on there. Good job, Pop!

Still, the novel keeps going and Barnabas, as per usual, hates himself for far too much. It takes Josette to see this. She’s forgiven him but he hasn’t forgiven himself and she cares about that. It isn’t until he does forgive himself they can conceive a child, in whatever terms this lighter vampirism can produce offspring. Now that he’s forgiven himself it is safe to do so. And in all of this, what’s he the most interested in? His bride’s joy, what she likes, where he can provide the most to her. It’s why I want this published. If lovers could tap into that empathy can you imagine what love lives would improve?

However, I am getting wiped out on this pair. I’d love more address to the characters in the radio drama so I can move on to all of the other pairings and explore their passions. Likely not to be nearly as intense as this one, but I could use the relief. Wait. Scratch that, I think Angelique’s Klingon style with who’s in the wing for her will likely make me explode. I tried channeling that once. YIKES! Scary woman. But for a relief series and one in the 1960s mostly, Maggie=Josette & Barnabas was what came out in what I studied. Discovering why it was kept out of fanwork was one of many reasons I blew my top for which I, again, apologize.

All I’ve had to keep me from going to Wyndcliff myself is humour, and humour is something Barnabas loves about his sweetheart.

B&Jo

I guess it’s as I’ve heard. When you find Dark Shadows it pulls you in and doesn’t let go. Let me know if there is an actor/writer/channeler forum I can sign up for. They might be able to help me endure all of this struggle a lot better! Thanks.

“Nathan, You Big Dummy!” sharing the DS love from facebook months agone…

Nathan you big dummy

A collection of humour from various people and our appreciation of it, audibly, notably, undeniably… something people can’t seem to do a diddly for me most of the time with my output, but unlike many online, my husband and I speak up…

Please look at the photo, listen and enjoy.