Deeply Depressed…

One helper I’d had the fortune to enjoy in fine works of the analytical has blocked me from his email account. I wasn’t sure that was the problem, but then I went and checked tumblr and saw I’d been blocked from him there as well.

I mainly check tumblr to find out if there is either anyone I can make amends to or any other followers that are behind on old posts, as well as linking URL’s to this account.

I am beginning to seriously despise the Dark Shadows fandom. There are wonderful people and so far a few have impressed me with consistent support even when we do not see eye-to-eye on every last little bit, but this loss to one so analytical and so helpful with some of the best advice over all is one that just plain depresses me. It also makes me worry if others I’ve been relying on so dearly will eventually block me as well.

I have blocked a few on facebook although that is not only due to their being un-supportive but becoming anti-supportive. With so much pressure to write, edit, perform a massive array of characters, splice in sound effects and music, pay sums to podcasting sites and not get the kind of support a comedienne truly needs to have the desire to continue forward, next… receiving negative feedback on top of a lack of good is frankly a disgusting purview of the human race.

I honestly do NOT see what is so damned difficult in having a dialogue over enjoyment. My best supporter for the radio drama so far is a man who agrees that this whole lack of communication through the internet has gotten out of hand. Why do I get to work so hard and not have my audience dare share it with me? So far no one has been able to tell me, and so far almost everyone who agrees can’t have a dialogue with me towards my work either. It’s just pathetic and strange and sad.

But in any case, I can’t give attention to those who confuse me or give me the negative.  I do deeply care about people and I’ve tried to tend to them as often as I can. At times what I get in return is a blend of uncertain positives with distinct negatives. Did NO ONE hear what I said in the first intro about constructive-praise and what it means?

It means detailing the good. We already try to say what’s good but we’re used to doing that in bland overtones because those better at detailing good are advertisers trying to sell us something, so they are likely lying. The negative? Easy to detail and with all the professional and amateur critics in the world, we’ve been over exposed that negativity is the way to behave. It’s just so awful and sad. 

But I’ll miss the analytical guy. He likely saw my DS Movie versus DS TV rant and took it seriously. It wasn’t. It was hilarious and ripping and had me laughing for almost 24 hours. The very idea that people could make hate over that thing a vocation and waste so much time engrossed in it’s flaws is time better spent enjoying what one loves. But this analytical type who’s turned away from me was one who did better. He spent time giving it a chance and detailing what he felt were errors and what he felt was good with the kind of attention to detail it deserved, whether I agreed with all of his points or not.

Well… yet again… There’s another potential friend gone… and in this fandom so filled with spite it makes me wonder if anything will truly change in it. 

I’ll plug away on my series tomorrow.

Tonight, I hope to be enfolded into the arms of a generous husband, whose love I could finally feel again because one neglected couple, adoring of their needs to each other and for each other, dared to hope that a girl like me could tell the story of what they shared in a world made better on a coast filled with specters in Maine. 😦

up the tree

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