As I continue to be grossed out by my healing surgery wound my mind has dwelt on a profane message I received on Skype that was sent Thursday but I didn’t see until today. My husband didn’t know what to make of it and I apologized to the sender as best I could.
The trouble here is whatever flares of temper I’ve emitted I can only see one evening I flew off the handle as far as allowing for accusations of attacking anyone. There were two articles I can only wish I had never been made aware of vulgarly detailing the 1795 storyline of Colllinwood in a flippant regard of being uncaring towards the characters and disturbing in content.
After I’d spent an inordinate amount of time having to see that my hard work was being taken with no vocal appreciation for over two years, a lack of communication over it from %99 percent of it’s followers, I also had to do some deep delving into the fandom itself to sort out so many problems in communication and nit-picking between fans. What I’ve seen has horrified me, and the lack of communication online horrifies me further still. (Thankfully this has finally begun to improve.)
This all came out because the only people who would communicate with me were just fans of the program and, if they were fans of my radio-drama, I could barely get a peep out of them that they were enjoying my hard work. Extremely difficult for a creator of humour. So, since all I could gather was information about the fan base my attentions turned to that unraveling. This is how the “Analysis of Preferred Pairings for Barnabas Collins” came into being. One lady had a good question when it came to wondering why someone would wish to analyze fans of each pairing. I did my best to tell her that I’d seen all the in-fighting over it and felt an even percentage of stories and relationships would be more sound. The more we can understand why we behave the way we do the closer we can get to pulling away from bad habits.
I have been extremely grateful that this was taken so well on one of the fan pages. People responded most thoughtfully and also in a supportive light towards me as they read the analysis notes. Even people who had shown me disfavour were being supportive and in ways that were humourous as well. I appreciate that so much. In fact when I discovered a main troll of mine had different intentions of being severe on my work it managed to help me discover it wasn’t anyone I had initially suspected. One man I did suspect I immediately engaged in discussion with. He wonderfully expressed: “I wouldn’t do that to ANYONE.”
So the development of communication was coming through! But sadly not on tumblr which is far more about photo and video sharing than communicating back and forth. Also the set up there makes blogs extremely difficult to download. I created as simple a format as I could to ease this problem.
Still, having to work so hard for so long and seeking out whoever I could that would enjoy my work and express that enjoyment, I continue to channel and become possessed by all of the characters, which is another strain. These characters have seriously abused each other and I feel all of their pains which is a very heavy burden for me to carry. An audience expressing what they laughed at or enjoyed in my output would ease this pain greatly.
The amazing discovery recently is I was correct in seeing that the Maggie=Josette for Barnabas fans had truly been as maligned and injured as I suspected. Today I received the news that YES, these fans coming towards me have been suffocating for this project and that relationship with Barnabas especially for almost 40 YEARS!
That is truly too long to wait for something so romantic and intensely romantic as far as delving into the realms of the supernatural. You have one partner who lives struggling through his immortality as a curse for messing with the wrong lady, and all along his heart yearns for the lady he *did* fall in love with, existing through centuries to discover that lady has returned through reincarnation, and now with Kitty Soames, chronologically this love of his has reached for him more than once! That is amazingly romantic, heartfelt, and as I’ve questioned the characters and uncovered their motives there is an amazing reason he does love her. His home-life depressed him. He wanted someone who would help him change that. A gregarious woman of youthful, lovely features and warm disposition? Of course. She could help everyone! And thus Josette Dupres and Maggie Evans are that woman. It makes complete sense. ^_^
Having to come to terms with ALL of this hard work, including uncorking why the fans have been so vicious with each other, and myself not getting that social stimulus nor the appreciation for the work I required, not to mention having negative responses from people over it to boot, finding these vulgar articles that even got my steadfast reviewer and supporter put into a state of shock… this is NOT something that was going to go over well with me.
I honestly could not believe these posts had been passed around and admired! Particularly when here I am writing and detailing the marriage of this pair when no one did it in so many decades, specifically being maligned and Barnabas more over! That character has gotten the kind of harassment to his sensitivity and actions that I find far more deserving towards a character like Quentin or even Captain Kirk! Yikes!
So, I do apologize for the way I went about it and I was very pleased that my rough question was like water-off-a-ducks-back to one fellow. He had no qualms expressing a nice shrug in my direction. I admire that! He behaved the way I wish I had!
But no, after so much hard work, seeing my specific fans for this long lasting love and passion be so invalidated and so vulgarly. No… that was not a mood settler. (And I wasn’t happy with how Angelique was discussed either.)
And my dear friend, Helena, a Julia/Barnabas fan in the truest sense as far as gentleness goes, has also been seeing things she never expected to see. I warned how bad fans of the pairing I had put together got treated. She hadn’t been exposed to all of that rough stuff and then she saw it happening to me! Wow! So in this I believe it’s brought us closer and I have come to love her through all of the troubles we’ve shared. I’ve wanted to hug her and give her a big kiss on the cheek. I really have. She helps many creators and her loyalty is deeply profound.
So for bad behaviour, I confess to having some, but when looking over all I’ve expressed about myself as well as all the turmoil this has caused me, not to mention the complex struggle my own life has been to find peace and stability…
All I can do is offer apologies to whomever I can in whatever specific way that makes sense.
Even if I rarely hear it for the wrongs that have been done to me.