I want this damn thing to improve…



Ugh… I love when people never give me their anti-Josette reasons. This attitude contains those underlying hints of being part of the Dark Shadows fandom that I’m frankly getting sick of. It’s pretty much as William Shatner says, “It’s just a TV show dammit… move out of your parent’s basements.”

Plus, with all the hard work I’ve already done and seeing those fricken numbers climb and my family and friends continuing to ignore me like I’m going to be totally safe from harm well into the next century when they have “time” to give a damn about me, it makes me wonder if this is all for naught. (Like I say, my husband keeps me alive.)
Why Barnabas loves Josette, and various incarnations of her, is clear to me now that I’ve inhabited the two of them, among all the other characters, not to mention the extras I’ve incorporated. It’s a sorry sight to discover that no one has come forward with anything other than superficial reasons. It’s too bad the man isn’t seen for who he really is. Icon and deity of a massive fandom people continue to quip about 40 years later and that crux of his desire is the one thing it seems only *I* have any hold of and want to give to the world to help it, if they’d just do me the courtesy of responding like a proper audience to the radio drama. So far Helena’s been the best at that. Thank you, Helena. 
Well, I hope some listeners do understand the darn thing. Heaven knows how many people zone out and just flatulate in my general direction. I sent emails to 25 college radio stations I could find today. That’s 2 states. Guess I have 48 more to go. 
I just opened both of the headsets I ordered months ago to discover they were BOTH faulty. Well, I guess it’s time to order new ones… again… and maybe some background music. Ugh. I wish there was some way my audience could coherently show they cared above like-clicks.
So futile.
Can’t wait until my husband gets home. My cousin snuffed me out again after all her promises to keep in touch.
It’s the thing I’ve never understood my entire life. All the morals of almost all the stories clearly state: make sure you don’t have to wait until you’re on your death bed to say what you need to say, to tell who is important to you what needs to be told. Now here we are sharing little facebook greeting cards thinking it’s going to get through… P’shhh…
I dunno. Maybe it’s the conquering of most of our race in this swirl of internet carelessness or maybe it’s this pain and bleeding from my surgery wound that reminds me of how much suffering I’ve already done. I just know I’m hella depressed this week. It seems to me no one cares most of the time. I’ve had such dreams with this thing, but now it seems as fleeting as the morning dew.
No one cares about change for the better, they just care about complaining that nothing does.
thanks for letting me vent,
This love contains more than a want for physical beauty or the superficial, but until you ask, you may never understand why.

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